Losing One Of My Biggest Supporters

[seedling]

My T just retired as of 12/31/14 and I've started with a new T that I like. She does EMDR and at this point I am hopeful about it. It seemed that the transition was going well. I've had some feelings that it was time to move on anyway.

Now, yesterday, I found out that my acupuncturist is leaving in 5 weeks. Closing his clinic and moving where his wife got a job. It is wonderful for them and I am truly happy for them. And I am completely devastated.

This guy has seen me through the worst both physically and emotionally. He's been a great addition to seeing my therapist - they each had/have different strengths and helped me in different ways. He "got" things my therapist didn't. I've been able to tell him things I haven't been able to share with anyone else.

I'm working full time now and going to acupuncture helps me get the rest and sleep I need. Keeps my work anxiety under control while I work through things.

Losing both people at once, just didn't see that coming. Feel shoved out on my own too soon (or afraid it's too soon). My life has been opening up away from therapy and acupuncture but it's been slow and gradual. Feel propelled into.......? I don't know what.

Melting down and my inner children are in terror.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I believe I would feel the same. Acupuncture helped me so much, I was so bummed when she moved to Germany. I haven't found another one. She is from Bejing. I liked that she was raised in China and is Taoist. The thought of having Acupuncture by a Westerner seems like only half of the equation.
After a few weeks, I was OK with it. I understand what a great compliment it is in treating PTSD and help with sleep. I am having Reiki now and I think it is the same, same, but different. It's still a way to balance your Chakras.

 

[seedling]

I'm considering other things besides acupuncture. I think it will depend more on the person than the exact type of treatment.

Just can't quite deal with it now. And haven't told anyone yet except for here. Just can't explain why it's so hard.

 

[KwanYingirl]

No need to explain to me. I totally relate.

 

[seedling]

Thanks @KwanYingirl.

The darkness of PTSD feels like a yawning chasm before me. Can't comprehend where this is taking me.

Huddle up in the darkness and try to let it simply be.

Think I'll take a xanax and maybe I can sleep tonight.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yeah, me too. Hang in there. I know it's a shock to your system just when things were going along smoothly. A bump in the road. And the chasm is a perfect metaphor. Try to imagine that you will land on a bed of soft snow. When all is quiet and calm.

 

[seedling]

Feel a bit better today. Can see that this will be temporary.
Went to acupuncture again yesterday and was able to talk about how I feel and we worked on it.

Still not past it. This is a huge shift in my treatment and my perception of my journey through/with this. I'm losing the two people who know all about how it happened, the legal fight, the whole family trajectory. Feel like that part of my PTSD is breaking off like an iceberg. Can see some different kind of future coming.