MissKB, I think I understand your situation. I have always managed to keep myself grounded with God. I always remind myself that if I'm angry, then He knows. I have stopped going to church, sometimes for years. Yet, I know that he understands and will still be there when I'm ready to come back.
One day I found a letter that I had wrote to Him when I was very young. It asked Him to stop "daddy" from hurting me, and I questioned him on why He was letting this happen. I begged Him to tell me.
"I thought you liked kids. Jesus loves kids. Why won't you help me."
It made me very sad to realize how much this little girl needed His help. As an adult, I try to understand why He didn't stop the "hurt" and why he let even more happen to her/me as life went on. (I have 5 "demons" to deal with) If you need to get angry at Him, that's ok. I had a friend tell me once to go to a lake and just throw stones into the water. Throw them as hard and as far as you want. You can cry and yell at Him as much as you want. I have done it quite a few times, but, I always know that He will understand, and be there waiting when I decide to come back. Try not to lose your faith. It will always be a part of you--and He know that, so don't be hard on yourself. Your going thru some hard times in life. Good luck to you.
