Unstabletime
New Here
Hello, I like to share and introduce myself here. I am Tom, 26 years from Holland and got a disturbing case of losing time.
I lose about 10 months to a full year. And once I lost a year, I have to redo things all over. Yeah even the episodes of losing time, also reoccur around the same dates. But they have no warning sign.
I have been talking with my T about this. And got prescribed Zyphrexa. The medicine didn't quite helped.
Since I figured out that this was as well a re-experience. Since it already happened. Yet I was able to experience it like its just a normal day. I asked my T whether he knew I went there before to talk about this problem.
But my T told it was the first time. This made me uneasy, since I knew for what I can recall that it couldn't be the first time. And on, I continued on with different therapy with my T. These therapy sessions weren't giving me answers. And I quit going to my T.
Several months passed by and I contacted a different T. And I talked about my issues with time. Since I couldn't even explain it to my old T, I put down my problem as having Dejavu problems. And with this I thought probably I would get some answers. Fair enough, I got directed to yet another T.
I went to my new T, specialized in neurological problems. And explained some of my symptoms of my problem. It basically came down to a job I did in the past. And around that date is where I always return to when I go back in time, about a year back. And losing everything I currently have, and be back in the past, with all the things I had at that time. This is very frustrating, and I told this to my T. It took my new T some time to understand what I said. And after they had discussed it with their team. It came down to it being a neurological circuit that was being repeated over and over.
Normally when a person picks up information they first see it, then compare it to the information that was known, and then there is a conclusion taking place. That is how my T explained it.
In my case it was a bit different. And I pick up information differently. First I compare information to the information that is known, then I see it, and last make a conclusion. In this way I would be seeing something that was already present in my memory, since what I see is directly tied to a memory already happened.
I understand that part so far. What I don't understand is that on a very sudden day I go to bed and sleep, then the next day I would somehow be 10 months up to a year being back in the past. I don't understand what that could have to do with the memory still being the same. So far it looks like there is a pattern that is followed somehow. But I cant grasp what it is. The only thing I know is that although I go back to the past, in a real experience, there is no warning, it just happens Yet the dates I would be jumping to (are certainly fixed), and from (not that sure being fixed, I only assume being fixed) are both fixed dates.
It is annoying that events after going back are the same that I already went through. It can be anything for those events. News on tv, internet, newspaper, all those things are with the exact same events as they happened back then.
Apart from this, I have been searching around on the net. Because the above mentioned problem is at this moment an endless cycle that keeps on repeating itself. I haven't found a way out. I found out that by searching on losing time (using google), that I came to dissociative identity disorder.
Since dissociative identity disorder is in many cases with some history of a trauma. Yet if a trauma is not mandatory for what I experience. I much wonder what could be happening to me.
One of the trauma's that I can say that could be involved somehow is the one with my father.
The relation with my father is distant, I did liked to have some time spend with him. But I always get feeling that I just don't need to. My father is organized and discouraged when things don't happen as they should happen. And the way how he tells me is by putting guilt on me when I didn't do things right. And says I should better look to what I do, also in regards to this, there is and was back when I was younger always punishment involved when things didn't went well. Instead of telling how things should be done without putting guilt on me.
And allowing me to learn without feeling being a victim of something. His dominance can a lot of times not work right for much of the situations. And makes me have quite some discomfort. Like he forgets he got a son. Though to see the perspective well. My father works with people that have had fights, and having money problems, arguments. Which comes down to a social worker. Due to his work, he cant say so much about his work day. And that is quite disturbing. As things are so secretive around him. This ruins a lot of the bond I have with him. So much liking it to be freely said. But it sadly cant.
I found the forum here, and thought that maybe with my symptoms of dissociation I could find some help.
Help with coping, and somehow I like to know why I lose time and go back again and again to the same period. And after going back relive all those moments time and time again.
Yet when going back I can't ever seem to see any warning sign that such dissociation moment is about to occur. This makes me unsure what is real. Am I really where I am? Shouldn't I be a year or about 10 months ahead by now? I wonder about my "future" person. Did I just lost so much of my life, and I got the memory of it, yet people around me say its just this and that date. Somehow my surrounding is unaffected by what I experience. Which hurts the most. As there is little recognition.
While I am suffering from this, I have been thinking about finding a partner or close friend and to break the cycle of the ever ongoing losing of time. By having somehow a new experience that is not part of anything that I have already experienced. I just don't know who to go after. As at some point I do will point out about my problem of losing time and going through cycles of events I know that have happened earlier.
Thanks for reading.
I'm happy to see what info I can find about my problem.
Tom
Ps: I heard in some thread that one named by Anthony has a thread called Dissociation explained. Searching on this site using the search function didnt gave a result for me. Perhaps I am successful to verify my symptomes there. Still, if one has some thoughts about my condition or wishing luck, that be welcome.
I lose about 10 months to a full year. And once I lost a year, I have to redo things all over. Yeah even the episodes of losing time, also reoccur around the same dates. But they have no warning sign.
I have been talking with my T about this. And got prescribed Zyphrexa. The medicine didn't quite helped.
Since I figured out that this was as well a re-experience. Since it already happened. Yet I was able to experience it like its just a normal day. I asked my T whether he knew I went there before to talk about this problem.
But my T told it was the first time. This made me uneasy, since I knew for what I can recall that it couldn't be the first time. And on, I continued on with different therapy with my T. These therapy sessions weren't giving me answers. And I quit going to my T.
Several months passed by and I contacted a different T. And I talked about my issues with time. Since I couldn't even explain it to my old T, I put down my problem as having Dejavu problems. And with this I thought probably I would get some answers. Fair enough, I got directed to yet another T.
I went to my new T, specialized in neurological problems. And explained some of my symptoms of my problem. It basically came down to a job I did in the past. And around that date is where I always return to when I go back in time, about a year back. And losing everything I currently have, and be back in the past, with all the things I had at that time. This is very frustrating, and I told this to my T. It took my new T some time to understand what I said. And after they had discussed it with their team. It came down to it being a neurological circuit that was being repeated over and over.
Normally when a person picks up information they first see it, then compare it to the information that was known, and then there is a conclusion taking place. That is how my T explained it.
In my case it was a bit different. And I pick up information differently. First I compare information to the information that is known, then I see it, and last make a conclusion. In this way I would be seeing something that was already present in my memory, since what I see is directly tied to a memory already happened.
I understand that part so far. What I don't understand is that on a very sudden day I go to bed and sleep, then the next day I would somehow be 10 months up to a year being back in the past. I don't understand what that could have to do with the memory still being the same. So far it looks like there is a pattern that is followed somehow. But I cant grasp what it is. The only thing I know is that although I go back to the past, in a real experience, there is no warning, it just happens Yet the dates I would be jumping to (are certainly fixed), and from (not that sure being fixed, I only assume being fixed) are both fixed dates.
It is annoying that events after going back are the same that I already went through. It can be anything for those events. News on tv, internet, newspaper, all those things are with the exact same events as they happened back then.
Apart from this, I have been searching around on the net. Because the above mentioned problem is at this moment an endless cycle that keeps on repeating itself. I haven't found a way out. I found out that by searching on losing time (using google), that I came to dissociative identity disorder.
Since dissociative identity disorder is in many cases with some history of a trauma. Yet if a trauma is not mandatory for what I experience. I much wonder what could be happening to me.
One of the trauma's that I can say that could be involved somehow is the one with my father.
The relation with my father is distant, I did liked to have some time spend with him. But I always get feeling that I just don't need to. My father is organized and discouraged when things don't happen as they should happen. And the way how he tells me is by putting guilt on me when I didn't do things right. And says I should better look to what I do, also in regards to this, there is and was back when I was younger always punishment involved when things didn't went well. Instead of telling how things should be done without putting guilt on me.
And allowing me to learn without feeling being a victim of something. His dominance can a lot of times not work right for much of the situations. And makes me have quite some discomfort. Like he forgets he got a son. Though to see the perspective well. My father works with people that have had fights, and having money problems, arguments. Which comes down to a social worker. Due to his work, he cant say so much about his work day. And that is quite disturbing. As things are so secretive around him. This ruins a lot of the bond I have with him. So much liking it to be freely said. But it sadly cant.
I found the forum here, and thought that maybe with my symptoms of dissociation I could find some help.
Help with coping, and somehow I like to know why I lose time and go back again and again to the same period. And after going back relive all those moments time and time again.
Yet when going back I can't ever seem to see any warning sign that such dissociation moment is about to occur. This makes me unsure what is real. Am I really where I am? Shouldn't I be a year or about 10 months ahead by now? I wonder about my "future" person. Did I just lost so much of my life, and I got the memory of it, yet people around me say its just this and that date. Somehow my surrounding is unaffected by what I experience. Which hurts the most. As there is little recognition.
While I am suffering from this, I have been thinking about finding a partner or close friend and to break the cycle of the ever ongoing losing of time. By having somehow a new experience that is not part of anything that I have already experienced. I just don't know who to go after. As at some point I do will point out about my problem of losing time and going through cycles of events I know that have happened earlier.
Thanks for reading.
I'm happy to see what info I can find about my problem.
Tom
Ps: I heard in some thread that one named by Anthony has a thread called Dissociation explained. Searching on this site using the search function didnt gave a result for me. Perhaps I am successful to verify my symptomes there. Still, if one has some thoughts about my condition or wishing luck, that be welcome.
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