Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
I just need a place to let this out before I bring it up in therapy. I ran a business (started as a hobby when I was 5 years old, made it into a 46 client business by the time I was 19/20) for most of my life and lost it due to COVID. I moved from where this business is two months ago, and no longer can run it. I keep getting emails from people now that the US is opening back up for my services, which was mainly pet care.
This job kept me alive. When I was at my lowest I had to get out of bed because the animals depended on me. Many times having those visits and having that job kept me alive. I know it's time to move on, but it's so hard when I'm still having suicidal ideation, because I know the "professional post graduate" jobs I'm going to get are not the same as "an animal literally depends on me for life." It just makes me so depressed. I want to be able to get out of bed every day for something. But these jobs pay more and I'm supposed to prioritize money, and I wanted to move on but it's so hard. I even looked up a local pet sitting business to see if they are hiring because I just am struggling so hard with this job search.
I can't get my own pet right now because my apartment has a two pet limit and my roommate has two cats. I think I'm going to set a goal to one day get a dog. I wonder if I could get a dog for an ESA (I've trained my family pet service dog tasks before but she was in-home, but she can't live with me). I just don't want to upset the cats and they love me, they cuddle with me and play with me and follow me around, it's just not the same as walking a dog.
I miss my business and my clients and people and animals needing me. I know I have to care about me the way I care about those animals, keeping ME alive, keeping ME happy, but it's so much easier to care about something that is not me.
This job kept me alive. When I was at my lowest I had to get out of bed because the animals depended on me. Many times having those visits and having that job kept me alive. I know it's time to move on, but it's so hard when I'm still having suicidal ideation, because I know the "professional post graduate" jobs I'm going to get are not the same as "an animal literally depends on me for life." It just makes me so depressed. I want to be able to get out of bed every day for something. But these jobs pay more and I'm supposed to prioritize money, and I wanted to move on but it's so hard. I even looked up a local pet sitting business to see if they are hiring because I just am struggling so hard with this job search.
I can't get my own pet right now because my apartment has a two pet limit and my roommate has two cats. I think I'm going to set a goal to one day get a dog. I wonder if I could get a dog for an ESA (I've trained my family pet service dog tasks before but she was in-home, but she can't live with me). I just don't want to upset the cats and they love me, they cuddle with me and play with me and follow me around, it's just not the same as walking a dog.
I miss my business and my clients and people and animals needing me. I know I have to care about me the way I care about those animals, keeping ME alive, keeping ME happy, but it's so much easier to care about something that is not me.