I am to face my abusers on Monday in mediàtion for my daughter. I will be brave enough despite my marraige starting to crumble around me when I'm supposed to be strong and stable.
My inability to be free in the bedroom has slowly turned my husband from the most kind, caring wonderful man I have ever had the privilege to know into a man I no longer recognize, I have migraines and brain fog from the whole day long, max volume, physically involved ( he has never properly laid into me, he has only hit me once when he misunderstood something I said, generally he just shoves, grabs, corners, repositions, threatens me but its due to understandable frustration) telling of I get most times i speak because i always make things overcomplicated. Trying so hard to always answer him simply but seems to make no difference to his mood.
I love him and am in love with him completely but i can't satisfy him and it is slowly killing both of us. We survived so much as a couple a year and a half on the streets together included;are we really beyond repair after all the sustained had ship we've been through and all the adversity we faught to stay together?
As far as the frustration that is causing him to act and feel this way I've tried just letting him and still do sometimes but then I just feel sick and dirty and sore. I want to be with him like that eventually but I need proper help from a T but waiting list is long, longer than he can wait.
Winter's easing so if we split I could physically cope with being back on the streets ( no I don't have anyone I cold crash with) but losing the love of my life two years after losing my children?
I feel disgusting like toxic waste is running through my veins and so i relapse and slice but its ok its blood, warm flowing fast and reassuringly red.
WTF do I do as this situation is escalating quickly out of control, neighbours are complaining about the noise and we were all ready 200 short on the rent this month so noise complaints on top of that, we could both be headed back for the streets but if I'm honest I don't mind cos I can cope with that, just not what's happened to the man I love.
My inability to be free in the bedroom has slowly turned my husband from the most kind, caring wonderful man I have ever had the privilege to know into a man I no longer recognize, I have migraines and brain fog from the whole day long, max volume, physically involved ( he has never properly laid into me, he has only hit me once when he misunderstood something I said, generally he just shoves, grabs, corners, repositions, threatens me but its due to understandable frustration) telling of I get most times i speak because i always make things overcomplicated. Trying so hard to always answer him simply but seems to make no difference to his mood.
I love him and am in love with him completely but i can't satisfy him and it is slowly killing both of us. We survived so much as a couple a year and a half on the streets together included;are we really beyond repair after all the sustained had ship we've been through and all the adversity we faught to stay together?
As far as the frustration that is causing him to act and feel this way I've tried just letting him and still do sometimes but then I just feel sick and dirty and sore. I want to be with him like that eventually but I need proper help from a T but waiting list is long, longer than he can wait.
Winter's easing so if we split I could physically cope with being back on the streets ( no I don't have anyone I cold crash with) but losing the love of my life two years after losing my children?
I feel disgusting like toxic waste is running through my veins and so i relapse and slice but its ok its blood, warm flowing fast and reassuringly red.
WTF do I do as this situation is escalating quickly out of control, neighbours are complaining about the noise and we were all ready 200 short on the rent this month so noise complaints on top of that, we could both be headed back for the streets but if I'm honest I don't mind cos I can cope with that, just not what's happened to the man I love.
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