Lots Of Anger, Hard To Tell If It's Aimed In The Right Direction

[foreveralone2099]

hey guys,
i'm a really f*ckin angry person, and while this is generally aimed at people who deserve it i sometimes wonder if i border on becoming abusive.

how do you all deal with your anger and is it even worth it?

i will typically take a deep breath and reconsider for a few moments if i think i am going to say something i will regret, but usually the problem is the other way around: i am not expressing my needs quickly enough, someone in my life can't deal with the fact that i have them.

with strangers i am wrong more often and i more frequently regret the things i say and do. i try not to get too self-righteous and be aware of the other person's perspective because there are too many variables and i am more likely to be wrong.

is it okay to rant in a general way, if it does not implicate someone else? not on this forum so much but on others there are a lot of oversensitive people who will get butthurt if you express displeasure in response to their postings, even if it isn't directed at them.

i think it's psychologically unhealthy to repress your feeling all the time but i don't really have a good sense of the correct middle ground. your help much appreciated!

 

[Friday]

Dealing With Anger

 

[Abstract]

Anger is an emotion not an action. Acknowledging emotions is always healthy. Being assertive is always healthy. Expressing anger at someone is aggression. Aggression is rarely ideal. Unless one is under real physical threat and not always then.

If you are angry a lot then its worthwhile thinking if you baseline anger is more about residual rage at perpetrators. If you jump to distorted interpretations of others actions/words. And if you have a unhelpful perception of anger. That you need to be angry to protect yourself and that it makes you feel more powerful.

If you regret the things you say then they are likely said in aggression not assertiveness. Tone of voice and body language are also important and not only content.

I would also check in if you ask for clarification before making judgments and reacting.

Do you have a clear idea about the difference in behaviour between aggression and assertion?

 

[foreveralone2099]

Do you have a clear idea about the difference in behaviour between aggression and assertion?

yes but like many on this forum i have an unclear idea of my rights and boundaries, and the people in my life aren't helping. i've noticed that i am meeting a lot of people who interpret my "assertiveness" as irritability; it's tiresome to have to keep the edge out of my voice as i direct these people (men) in what i need.

@Friday 's post was interesting, but i do think it is wise to attempt to influence your surroundings from time to time. obviously it's easiest to change your own behavior, but expressing needs is impt as well.

i dunno i feel like a lot of therapy & mental health interventions in general is telling depressed people to ignore the things that are making them depressed i think this is only helpful to a point.