Love/hate Relationship With Male T

[Notsowild]

I am on my fifth session with my trauma therapist now. When I first found him he was in an office with a female T who was on maternity leave. We discussed if I wanted a female and I said that's what I was looking for but didn't think it would matter too much.


I find him a really good T. Easy to talk to and he has taught me a lot. But... now I feel different like there is some strange attachment to him on my side. Which is really strange because I usually have a fear and distrust for men. It's so confusing for me?

 

[Deleted member 26314]

I don't know much about this, other than the experience I had with my boyfriend. Not a therapist, but still a guy. It might be the case you find him safe and so your fear and distrust for men has seemingly diminished in regards to him - thats what happened to me and my boyfriend. I still have a great fear around men, but I find that my boyfriend is kind of my safe zone and as soon as anything worries me or I get scared, he's there, so I have a massive dependency on him.

So maybe, him being easy to talk to etc, has caused your brain to see him as a trustworthy, safe man, instead of one to be feared?

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @Katarina19...that's a fear I might get dependent on him. How does that work in regards to our therapy?

I have not had too many men in my life I could trust other than my brothers or my son. I had an abusive father and ex-husband. But he's my therapist!!!

 

[JarHed]

I think it's perfectly normal to have 'feelings' for your therapist. Especially if you trust them and feel that they've helped you.

 

[Deleted member 26314]

How does that work in regards to our therapy?

Could you bring it up in your next session? Maybe just say, lightly, that you're worried about getting over-dependent due to the fact he is helping you so much and that he is a man whom you trust and don't fear.

 

[Notsowild]

Yikes really. I don't think I could. We have talked about my distrust of men. And he said "well I'm a man". I didn't know what to say.

 

[Deleted member 26314]

Yikes really. I don't think I could. We have talked about my distrust of men. And he said "well I'm a man". I didn't know what to say.

Maybe bring up distrust again, and if he says that again or along the lines of that, bring up that you trust him and then just branch out on that. I'm not sure really, try just explaining that you trust him. Tell him you're confused as to why you trust him and not other men, he'll explain why in some therapist way and then, hopefully, you should be able to continue the talking about your feelings towards the subject.

 

[arfie]

There is nothing natural about gender mistrust. For those of us who have experienced it, healing it can be immensely confusing. It was/is for me. Bringing it up in therapy was extremely healing for me.

I strongly encourage you to bring it up in therapy. Awareness of the phenom is pretty basic and what you have said about him here makes me think he will know what to do with the information.

but....

It is yours to sort. Gentle support while you sort.

 

[Notsowild]

The five things were working on is safety, control, self esteem, trust and intimacy( I better skip that one lol). So "trust" it is part of healing after trauma. I just wasn't expecting the trust issue to involve him.

@Katarina19... Great advice. I don't know if I can do it though?

@arfie ...do you have a male T?

 

[shimmerz]

@Notsowild I notice the heading on this post is love/hate. Where does the hate come in here?

 

[Notsowild]

The hate is the male relationship. It is the relationships I have with most men.

Edited to add:
It should say " Like/ fear of my male T
It just didn't sound right lol

 

[shimmerz]

Ah, I see. But the hate is not regarding your male T at all?