General Love Through Actions

[AnnaLost]

Hi @AnnaLost. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You're the first person I...

I understand. I have a friend, someone who wants more, and I just won't do it, because I can't trust myself in a relationship right now. I don't care how great, honest and kind he is - I'll never really know, you know?

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can only tell you what I am doing and YMMV- I chose to be single and not commit to anyone until I felt I could trust myself again. I may never be able to do it. It's a work in progress, but I'm up to being able to look at myself in the mirror for a few minutes, so..progress! :-) I try and do something to validate my perception of people or the world, and I do a lot of grounding and me time.

Hang in there, keep communication as open as you can and if you aren't seeing a therapist I highly recommend starting. Mine is a life saver. :hug:

 

[Kintsugi]

I had a deep an abiding love. It was the sort of love where one always thought first of the other, every single time.

Unfortunately, PTSD and a difference in future ambitions did not jive with it.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Love is definitely defined by actions. As far as the word 'love', I don't have the personal inhibitions of using it like many people seem to. If I feel a deep connection with someone, I can and will use the word freely. There are many different types of love and many different levels of it. We can feel love for a pet, a friend, a family member, or for a romantic interest. I personally believe that too many people these days are afraid of that word. However, love and trust go hand in hand. And, while my love is very solid, my trust is easily shattered, so it is a catch 22 for me. Hopefully, someone, someday, somehow, will be able to preserve and maintain both of those sentiments inside of me.

 

[The Albatross]

"Idyllic" was how we define my maternal grandmother's relationship with my grandfather (my mom's adopted father). We always said if we could put what they had in a bottle or spray mist we'd be filthy rich. They were though to a degree, a sort of unrealistic expectation considering their deep abiding love and trust for each other was the center/was apart and away from "everything/everyone else".

Part of the thing that caused me to fall in love with my present spouse is he'd say "Hey, hey, hey..." like my grandfather. Their relationship to me was an ideal... I though had a lot of work to do to retrofit my own marriage and relationships within the constraints/issues that I have with PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My husband of thirty six years of marriage was my only soul mate. We had our ups and downs and fights but we loved each other so much. When he died two years ago I was a basket case. Now I am moving on with my life and healing from his death and loss. i still miss him.

He was a good man and I can never find another one better than him so he is my one and only. We made it work and were a great team. I miss my companion in life. But we had to work at it to keep the love flourishing for that long of a time. He was such a good man.

 

[Gadgie]

I can relate to that very well, my wife and soul mate passed away ten months ago, after being bed bound for seven years, and yet I'm still not over it.

Do we ever get "over it" as that's a term I've heard a lot over the past few months, I mean, is it compulsory? Is it possible?

I don't see myself in another relationship, been married twice, first marriage ended in divorce after twenty three years, and the second, well I've already mentioned that.

If any of us did meet somebody else, I think it would be a case of comparison, always gauging that person against the one we lost, and that would be a bad thing to do.

So do we just carry on, living alone with our memories, or do we put the last behind us, "and go for it" which is another expression I've heard over the past few months?

What do you think?.............. What would you do?