Love

[anthony]

Nope... couldn't say its wrong to demand to be happy knowing what you want. Sorry mate... but it doesn't sound healthy if you rely upon one another to be normal, yet are not in a relationship. It sounds more like you enable one another with something that is obviously unhealthy for you both. Just my observation though.

 

[FMG]

I know, but that's the thing. I wasn't much of a military man so I don't have any friends from that side. I had one but she passed away. My family are non existent in my life. I signed on to MSF because I have no earthly ties to any human being beyond casual acquaintances. And that being said I know I am one of the better off cases of PTSD since I can "associate with people" on a professional level atleast. Just not on a personal level beyond "the weather and sport".

That's the thing, I don't want to feel like this because I know how dangerous it is since its a relationship based on enabling. However I want to feel like this because part of me understands that I was driven to finish medicine and to be a doctor because of her. Part of the enabling is encouraging me to be more than just another broken person. And because I know that without her I will be truly alone. I don't know which scares me more, that without her I would probably drop into a cycle of loneliness or that I wouldn't have achieved half as much as I have. I am not on any sick or disability pay. I hold a job that I am good at and love. Only my private life is f*cked but that's expected since I know it takes years to sort out. I am better off than other people I started with on my therapy who have fallen into either drink, drugs, suicide or whose recovery is in my opinion "a place that I wouldn't want to be".

I think the problem is self awareness. I know its bad but I know without this necessary evil (if you can call it that) I would be much worse off. I know people who were lovingly supported by entire families who aren't as well off as me. My therapist did too. I mean I am down to email and phone calls with him rather than face to face conversations since I progressed well. To him its a good recovery with this as the only blip and one that's "hard to correct" due to a combination of "well its done a lot of good" and "the patient is smart enough to see through most ploys and is rational about it".

Sigh... as I said, writing to someone else who can see both sides of it is cathartic.

 

[anthony]

Well... you will know what is right for you when you discover it. I guess the problem for you, as you elude... is the turmoil within. Rock and a hard place!!!

 

[FMG]

More like Iraq and a hard place...

:) The terrible puns still remain though.

 

[anthony]

Kind off a little funny though when you put it like that...

 

[FMG]

Stick around, I have an atrocious sense of humour :)

Its widely regarded as pun-ishment...

I'l stop now shall I?

 

[Jimmy1]

No mate, your humour is welcome. I have quite a nasty sense of humour too.
Have you ever seen an Aussie Comedian called Carl Barron. Look him up. He has a few DVD's out and they make me almost cry laughing.
Observational Humour they call it.

Jimmy

 

[armygirl]

Just diagnosed. Since my "traumatic event" I fell in love with a guy that got hurt in same attack. We've been there for each other - he is one of few people who actually understands what I am going through. I think I am feeling much the same way as you - I fell for this guy hard but we're both married to other people, so we know it can't work. I can't stop feeling this way though, even though I want to.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Armygirl,

First of all, welcome to the forum. You might like to post an intro when you get around to it. It will let us know a bit about you.

This is actually quite natural. You were both in the same traumatic event and survived. Other people get attracted to their therapists and doctors as they feel they are the only ones that understand.

Now with the PTSD symptoms, you say it feels like not many people actually understand, this is also natural.
It does not stay like this though. There is hope for the future especially now that you have been diagnosed. All you have to do is want to get better and work at it, then there will be light at the end of the tunnel. It might not seem like it now, but it does get better.

There are lots of support networks out there and this one is a great place to start as it has heaps of valuable information and numerous people that can give you their opinion and sound advice. Or you can just blow off steam.

Hope to see more of you.

Jimmy

 

[FMG]

Just diagnosed. Since my "traumatic event" I fell in love with a guy that got hurt in same attack. We've been there for each other - he is one of few people who actually understands what I am going through. I think I am feeling much the same way as you - I fell for this guy hard but we're both married to other people, so we know it can't work. I can't stop feeling this way though, even though I want to.

Hey, welcome to the site!

Its very similar to what I have and its very hard to move on. I know how impossible it is, particularly if your stuck with them a lot.

 

[Elsie]

Hi everyone.

I spend an hour an a half earlier today writing a massive post here about a relationship I had with a US soldier (diagnosed with PTSD). It's long and complicated and ended very badly. The reason I felt the need to post was because FMG's story sounded so familiar to 'our' story. I wanted to contribute to the thread from the perspective of a civilian who deeply loves and cares for a soldier but who, for their own sanity and mental 'safety' had to call the relationship to and end.

Unfortunately, it took me so long to write the post that my 'session' logged out and I lost everything.

The termination of our relationship is still very raw (it's been just under 3 weeks) and I am feeling terribly guilty and torn about my decision. It is not my intention to look for absolution here. Far from it. I don't want to take anything away from combat-PTSD sufferers and the terrible ordeals they've had to endure and the anguish they still suffer. So I'm still uncertain whether I should post the full story here to offer another perspective.

I'm also searching for answers but I'm not sure I will ever truly find them.

I would be interested to hear your opinions if you are interested in hearing my story...?

Elsie.

 

[willis williams]

Elsie, I am new at this so here goes I drove my wife away i was verbally abusive and aggressive I drank a lot so I did not have to admit I had a problem I worked hard and provided but I was never really in to the relationship I stayed gone 2 months at a time or else it would have not lasted 13 years I know how I was so do what feels right for you I always went louder and meaner just to win the fight always fight till the threat is gone weather it is amotional or phisical threat that is the wall I built even though it was wrong logically my self preservation all ways one you cant fix that kind of broken he has to.