Low Grade "emotion"

[Promicarus]

His opinion when I posed the question of whether or not I too had OCD or OCD type behaviors (was it biological or learned from my mother or my cognitive distortion from my PTSD)... was that it didn't really matter as the main issue was learning to cope with things as they are.

Sounds like kind of an OCD based preoccupation with irrelevancies. :)

Guess you got headed off at the pass, as the doc would rather cure them than untangle causation obsessively.

Thanks for the CBT REBT and DBT suggestions. I have a limiting tendency to think only in terms of the hardwiring, and leave out the therapy end. Of course, that protects me from having to actually do the feeling work involved, and keep it at a safe distance by intellectualizing the problem as an abstraction. Doesn't help to solve it much, though.

I'm at a bit of an impasse at the moment, however, in proceeding with therapy, as one of my biggest obstacles is cultural. I have to find a therapist of Latin cultural origins in order to be able to connect open up and relate. However as there's somewhat of a stigma against therapy in Latin American culture, as in many very traditional cultures, therapists of Latin background are few and far between.

I've recently happened to find a solitary Latin therapist who specializes in trauma within an hours drive, though (only one in the state), so I guess I'm running out of excuses.

Thanks again for the well researched posts, and therapy suggestions.

 

[The Albatross]

Guess you got headed off at the pass, as the doc would rather cure them than untangle causation obsessively.

Heh, yup. :O_o: He excelled at deflecting the "which came first" type questions and stuck with the premise that it didn't really matter. What mattered was how I developed effective coping methods to live in the world, have relationships, be generally satisfied in my life in the present moment. Sometimes it was infuriating... but basically his premise made sense and I'm glad I stuck it out.

 

[The Albatross]

I'd say Promicarus, I benefited from having a therapist who came from my background (my shrink was from my native city though economically privileged). Make the call and at least get a consult?

 

[Promicarus]

Absotively. Other problems abound, unfortunately--I'm on a particularly secluded 60 acre parcel in the deep middle of nowhere, in order to give my stress levels an opportunity to reach less than critical levels. And I'm unable to be in the presence of other human beings much at all, other than very briefly in passing, and at a safe distance. Makes it impractical to enter the city for therapy if I'm going to be a frazzled, fragmenting basket case by the time I reach the office.

I'm in the process of writing up a brief of my situation, background, goals etc. in order to send it to her for her perusal. I'm still in a pretty fragile state at the moment, frankly, and don't even know if this is yet the time. But it will be at some point, certainly. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[DMerish]

DMerish though has been quiet since opening this topic... so my posts may be way off base and not particularly helpful.

Hi - I'm here and appreciate all the responses. Thank you! ;) And I don't think you're off base.

Observing these low grade "emotions" are something new, although they may have been with me for a long time. I'm trying to be more aware of just how the state develops, plays out, and what changes it. I think it may have something to do with being under-stimulated as well as rumination - low grade rumination that's usually below my consciousness. It also seems to be connected to not being in the present - not accepting reality in a simple and direct way. I'll write more later.

 

[Promicarus]

I think you're right about the connection to not remaining in the present...I actually think that the rumination may represent escape from the danger of living in the moment, exposed to real, and therefore spontaneously arising emotions. We don't have control over those, so they represent threat in the dangerous world we've shifted into inhabiting.

But we do control our obsessive rumination, after all...not to mention the fact that it represents the familiar to us, of discouragement and frustration, and desperation...often things which have become fixtures in our life experiences.

We may be thinking consciously in terms of "this is unpleasant"...but are we thinking unconsciously in terms of "this is something I can control, and which I know, so is comfortable....Don't throw me back in the briar patch, bre'r fox!

 

[The Albatross]

Yup I agree about the connection to not remaining present as well. It's a detachment thing I did and sometimes still do but not nearly as often now. Sort of like (fishing around for a "for instance"...), okay sort of like smokers do when they step out for a smoke break. Part of it is the nicotine addiction, but part of it is or rather was an acceptable reason to detach in situations. Not sure that analogy is at all well... but for me the two are very similar. If I get stressed I step out to smoke and put some distance between myself and the situation or person.

If I become fretful or upset by a person or situation, my former tendency was to over think it often for a week or more. Except a for a recent situation at a ticket counter for an airline (where I was caught in the loop for several days), I can usually let go of the sticky thought and become available for new ones more quickly... sometimes almost immediately, sometimes a few hours.

Both tendencies is a "pulling back" or a sort of detachment so that I don't get over loaded or over stimulated if that makes any sense.

 

[Badger]

Heck, I don't even have PTSD and I get the low grade irritation thing. I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. There only so much dumping of salt containers on the floor and rummaging through your personal stuff that can occur before you go mad. MAD I say!!!! Grrrrrr...

 

[DMerish]

Badger - Are you sure you don't? ;)