Made An Emergency Appt With My T...

[Rob_Dog19]

The day is just getting worse...I went to go pick up my "brother-in-law" from driver's ed, and almost the entire drive across town, I was in my dissociative state where I literally had no control whatsoever over my actions, I've been shaking and unable to catch my breath ever since, like a mild panic attack that just won't stop. I don't know what to do because I basically have nobody that I can tell everything honestly to without consequences, and the emergency room IS NOT an option...

 

[Reclusive]

Why isn't the emergency room an option? It really sounds like you need some help ASAP. I totally understand that mild panic attack feeling - I believe they're called anxiety attacks or something. When I have them, I concentrate on my breathing until I can safely walk to my anxiety meds and take them.

We're here for you and you are not alone!

 

[Srain]

Just checking in on you to see how you are doing. I'm hoping you either are with someone or decided on the ER. If the ER is absolutely out for you then make a plan for yourself to work on how you will take care of yourself until you see your tdoc.

There are always the option of being able to call the hotlines, which I did call myself the other day, since my appt with my tdoc was not until yesterday and I didn't feel like I had anyone else I could talk to. They are very kind and will take the time to talk to you about whatever is going on with you. I called them when I was teen, worked the lines in twenties, and now I'm using them again. It's a wonderful service.

I think it's a GREAT idea that you write out what you want to say to your tdoc because I found that by doing that I do end up giving mine the info I otherwise would talk around and leave out. Yesterday I just handed her sheets of printed out stuff I've written here (edited) and cried while she read them. That way she could get to the stuff she thought was important to address because I had no idea, I just felt awful.

This is kind of all over the place, I'm sorry, but I hope it makes sense. I hope most of all you are okay and know that we care about you.

Take good care,
Rain

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Rob,
Sorry that you are feeling so bad.
Hang in there.
It's great that you have 'emergency meds'. And brilliant that you recognised the need to take them.
I know it's sooo easy for me to say.... but the feeling will pass. You just need help and support to get through it.
Don't put yourself under any pressure. Just take care of yourself, and do something - even just a tiny bit- of what you like/ used to like to do.
Thinking of you :)
Lucy x

 

[Vcircle]

J
I think it's a GREAT idea that you write out what you want to say to your tdoc because I found that by doing that I do end up giving mine the info I otherwise would talk around and leave out. Yesterday I just handed her sheets of printed out stuff I've written here (edited) and cried while she read them. That way she could get to the stuff she thought was important to address because I had no idea, I just felt awful.

Rain

Rain: that is exactly what I have done these past 2 sessions. Walked in, handed her the paper and sat while she has read it. I am able to communicate a HUGE amount of stuff for now and the future. I am finding that I am brain dumping stuff and it means I don't have to remember everything in a session. For a day before my appt - i disassociate and cannot connect so I used to turn up and be mentally blank, now with the writing - I can do that days ahead when I am able to process and get to the session and have concrete things to discuss. I am pretty sure she is thankful I do it, but she seems to have worried looks on her face - as I am telling her more and more issues. She has her hands full!!

 

[Rob_Dog19]

Why isn't the emergency room an option? It really sounds like you need some help ASAP. I totally understand that mild panic attack feeling - I believe they're called anxiety attacks or something. When I have them, I concentrate on my breathing until I can safely walk to my anxiety meds and take them.

We're here for you and you are not alone!

The er isn't an option because I don't want to get locked up...I'm pretty sure that if I told a mental health official everything that was going on, I would get bodyslammed back into the mental hospital so quick, I wouldn't even know what hit me...But thanks, guys, so much for all your advice and encouragement...God knows I need all the encouragement I can get :p

 

[Reclusive]

Hope you're doing a little better today! You're in my thoughts, for sure.

 

[Rob_Dog19]

I'm feeling a litter bit calmer today than I was yesterday. The nightmares are inevitable, so I just didn't sleep at all. I tried working on my letter to my T but I honestly don't have any idea of what I should say...and I still have to censor myself, so it basically seems like I might as well just tell her and censor myself, except that I know I would censor way too much :s life's little conundrums...

 

[Lucycat]

I have found that e-mailing my T really helps. Write, Press send then worry later. Too late. It stops me from censoring too much!! and if I think I've missed something I send another message. No problem. So much easier than trying to remember everything to say on one meeting/appointment. Certainly helps me to focus - cos if I forget he brings it up!

 

[Rob_Dog19]

For the first time in a month, I'm actually feeling slightly calm. Last night I brought a bunch of paper and crayons and colored pencils and drew pictures for my residents in between rounds. Watching a dementia patient cackle for half an hour at a picture I drew just brightened my day, I loved being able to make somebody smile and laugh that hard. Not to metion drawing is always good for the soul, even if it's just stick figures holding balloons. I wish life could always be filled with those moments, but unfortunately, they can't...if they were, I think life would be so much easier to handle :S

 

[Rob_Dog19]

My appointment is in just over two hours...I'm so anxious!!!!! I feel like I'm not going to have the courage to tell her what's honestly going on, and i don't know if I am going to be able to give her my note either... Guys please keep your fingers crossed for me...I'm so f*cking nervous

 

[Lucycat]

Rob, your appointment is now over. How did it go?
Hope you managed to share your note.
Thinking of you,
Lucy x