Relationship Making Peace

[Deleted member 27524]

I've done a lot of venting..ALOT! Especially in my diary on here. Yes I have many emotions and there all a little screwy but processing how he and I were and everything he said to me, I am totally blindsided by his current epiphany about my children. Since especially he was the one to always speak of them in future reference.

However in my grieving and analyzing I said to myself. I really hung in there with him. I put forth every effort to make it work. I wanted to take it on with him. I personally don't think he will ever find a woman who will want to stand beside him like me and deal with his ptsd. Let alone a woman who would turn down the financial gifts he offered me without hesitation.

It isn't my choice, it is his. Even though he gave me every reason to believe we had a long term future together, if he would seriously throw everything away without even trying first then he didn't care for me enough anyways. Yes I just said that. I need a man who will at least TRY for me. Even if in the end he actually couldn't handle it, trying would have been better than nothing.

That's my peace with this. If he didn't care enough to try after all I have done for him then he isn't the man I want to commit to anyways. Somehow that helps.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't know if its a matter of him just not caring enough to try. We do have our limits...

I mean from all that you've posted, it sounds like he has indeed tried. The distance issue is huge for many people who don't have PTSD. Kids can stress us out sufferers beyond belief. These are very practical issues but I think that you're perhaps blaming it all by saying he just didn't care enough. This is the same sort of "love conquers all" attitude that just isn't true....perhaps, ever, but especially with PTSD. That is, if he "cared" (aka loved.....) enough, then you could make it work. Sadly, it isn't like that.

I'm sorry for all that you're going through, but this disorder is a pure bitch with many innocent casualties. I know I can't even begin to explain what its like to be a sufferer, but yes, when faced with a seemingly insurmountable mountain of stress, we retreat. Feelings get shut down because its impossible to deal with them.

I wish you the best.

 

[Glara]

@Thunderstorm I go back and forth feeling that way myself. I hear from some people that say I should let him go he was using me etc. And I also hear how the PTSD can be what caused him to shut me out. He told me he never promised anything or even insinuated anything about a relationship. I have probably hundreds of texts that say otherwise.

I'm not sure what I believe, that's what makes it so hard. If I truly believed it wasn't PTSD I could be hurt and angry and move on. If I believe it's PTSD, I can wait at least for a while. But then I think maybe he really is just down with me and this is an easy excuse to dump me. I just don't know.

It's so hard to believe that PTSD could cause him not to talk to me or ask how I am or anything. I can read everything on here and other places but still not understand it. I do believe he's got PTSD and depression. I kind of knew it before he told me. Based on behaviors and things he posted on Facebook I knew he got depressed. I didn't know how severe and I had no clue about PTSD. I'm still afraid of how suicidal he is. I just do t know what to think anymore. He's been silent for 2 and half weeks.

Sorry about what you're going through. It seemed like things were going well for you for so long.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Thank you @Glara things were going great. Since Memorial Day it's been bumpy but 2 days before he broke all that to me he was telling me how much I fulfilled him and nobody could ever take my place. He couldn't fathom another woman making him feel like me and he couldn't wait to pick me up and hug me when he got back.

I know he's very stressed to the maximum. Could that be why this sudden change of heart, I don't know. I didn't have them over night! They've been here all along. He has every right to change his mind. I'm just surprised is all. He has to have his space and decide it for himself.

Yes, I feel like if he loves me enough then he will come back! That's what I'm sticking too. Supporters stay with their sufferers for a reason and sufferers come back to their supporters for a reason. No I don't think love conquers all but I think it plays into it. None of us would stay if some love wasn't there.

I'm so sorry your hurting too. You've hung on and been as loyal as any supporter could. Only a supporter truly knows how it feels. Just like sufferers say that only another sufferer understands them.

My health is at jeopardy now. I couldn't even figure out how to turn the shower on this morning and I dropped a glass at a restaurant in the floor I was shaking so bad. It's just something I'm going to have to work through.

 

[JT80]

It's so uncanny that you and I are kind of living with the same uncertainty at the same time. I can absolutely 100% relate to everything both you and Glara have said. When I first posted, the push wasn't that bad, but it was amplified to a new level yesterday (as you've read in my thread). Now we're both left with the whole feeling of confusion due to the complete change in attitude only 24 hours apart, as I'm sure there are many in here going through it as well.

These times definitely take a toll on us as supporters. I totally understand when you were saying that he must just not care because I've been conflicted by the same thing in the past when this has happened. This is an argument that continually arises in my relationship during a push. She says to me things like, "You put so much into this relationship. More than I deserve. And I just can't compete." But she stopped after I told her no relationship is a competition. I struggle with my head telling me "why can't she just see how happy we are and let that be enough to pull her out of her darkness?" but she's explained to me that that's the very reason why it makes it hard. She knows she's going to push again and the thought of her accepting the happiness and possibly having it ripped away again during a push just makes her "destroy it before it destroys me".

I don't know whether that's how every PTSD sufferer sees it, but her explaining it like that has made me realise it's not a matter of feeling or caring any more or less, but more just being terrified of falling into happiness only to have it ripped away and hurt again.

I'm sorry this is happening to you as much as it's happening to me. I feel quite dazed and dreamy also. But we will survive through whatever happens and we will push through this. We are very strong individuals just to be dealing with this constantly and still stick around to support them after they've whipped our hearts to shreds. We can do this. We have to be strong for ourselves :)