Relationship Manipulation Of Ptsd Sufferers

[Sweetpea76]

My vet doesn't trust anybody as far as he could kick them. He assumes everybody is trying to get something from him... including me at times. Quite irritating, but understandable with his trauma and history.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Would you please expand a little on the connection for me?

Well, for me my hypervigilance is such that it serves to not let others get emotionally close to me, so that I can't be betrayed. Betrayal is the biggest factor in my hypervigilance. For me unknowns drive me crazy because I can't control the outcome. I have an absolute need to have an hand in anything that involves me in any way, so I can manage and manipulate the outcome. In fact this is so extreme that unknown situations where I could not influence the outcome have been enough to put me in the hospital.

I know where this comes from in my case, while I was already suffering from CSA, before being emancipated I was at a group home type placement that was a for profit operation. Over the course of a year and a half, I was held down repeatedly, the longest for over 8 hours, and was treated with emotional abuse as if I was sub human. DSS was a part of it, they told me to just live with it. And I was raped 3 times with 1 being a staff member 2 being clients. I had no one I could go to, I had to just endure it, especially when the staff member raped me, I could not complain to anyone, I could not fight as that brought me more problems, I had to just lay there and let it happen.

Needless to say, the hold downs, and being betrayed by my social worker at DSS, and the mental and sexual abuse destroyed any ability to trust I had, thus I can only trust what I have a hand in, and that is shaky at best.

It did not help that a year after all this took place I was gang raped.

 

[Jensen]

@recoveringfromptsd thank you for your very thorough and harrowing response.

 

[Abstract]

There won;t be a direct correlation because as with all things like this - people react differently. And if manipulation is a tendency as a result of trauma then the nature of that manipulation is going to differ with different people.

Some will use it as a means of expressing anger to keep from feeling vulnerable.
Others will do it to make people like them and therefore feel safer.
Others as a means of connecting whilst creating distance and thereby safety.
Others as a means of feeling more in control of the situation and less at risk.
Others still as a means of abusing others as in their minds doing means they are less likely to be the victim.
Others will be unable to ask to have their many needs met and will use manipulation instead (in the way that a lot of BPD sufferers sometimes do).
Some will have been at the rough end of manipulation and are going to avoid manipulation like the plague and go roughly into unusually straight forward (in a not quite socially appropriate way) behaviour as a way of being honest,
Others just won;t be manipulative in general.

Its not a direct comment on this topic at all but you might want to read Pete Walkers 4 f's article. Any time you generalise about PTSD behaviour when it isn;t a direct symptom (and often when it is) you are likely to get it wrong. That doesn;t mean that your friend doesn;t have an issue with manipulation of course.

PTSD Sufferers are this. No. People who have PTSD are people and react differently to similar situations.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Abstract I agree with you 100%, I believe a similar point was already made in prior posts. But I like yours because its says it best, and is clear to follow. I think its obvious to everyone (I hope) that everyone's experiences are different, and thus how each of us react is different.

 

[Abstract]

Hi @recoveringfromptsd
I suspect that most of us who have PTSD know this (not all) but it seems like a lot of supporters or loved ones of someone with PTSD really don't. I guess why would they. If you see a behaviour then sometimes there is an assumption that it is part and parcel of the condtion. PTSD = * Generalising questions on the supporters forums on here are such a common thing and questions vary enormously, Much more common than questions formulated more specifically to the situation and person with the issue, I personally think that people having this misconception can cause so many problems and misunderstandings longer term.

If we go back to Jensens first sentence: "I am being drawn to conclude that PTSD sufferers may be more open to manipulation than non sufferers." then I think that nails the issue. People who don't have PTSD vary hugely in how manipulative they are just as is the case for those with it. On a personal level I have run into many people who are very manipulative in the toxic and pathological sense rather than in the more general sense (including my mother) and none of them have had PTSD, Just my two pence worth : )

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Hi @recoveringfromptsd
I suspect that most of us who have PTSD know this (not all) b...

@Abstract That's a good point, I can't speak much about non-ptsd folk, I am so socially screwed up because of my ptsd that I can't really speak much about non-ptsd folk. I would suspect non-ptsd folk are probably just as screwed up, it's a crazy world, and I wish I was not part of it, but I am so I just have deal with all this stuff.

 

[Abstract]

Well I'll just go and crawl under the nearest rock anyway as I had read it as prone to manipulation not open to it, Partially comes from being sleep deprived I suspect but I need to pay more attention! Apologies all.

Trauma can really mess with our ability to manage boundaries. Healthy people do that well and flexibly. I know mine veered from none at all to way to rigid and all sorts of combinations of the two,

 

[ms spock]

@Spock Do you feel, this exploitation happens, because you fear others judgement? If you dont meet upto their necessities, they will abandon you?

Absolutely!

 

[Friday]

Well I'll just go and crawl under the nearest rock anyway as I had read it as prone to manipulation not open to it,

And yet the answer is still 100% spot on!

AKA What Abstract said, just substituting prone to being, instead of prone to using :p

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I think I am going to move on from this thread, as I am struggling with stuff, and my experience in the content of this thread is very limited by my own hypervigilance, and this is an area that has a broad range of experiences and views way beyond anything I can contribute.

 

[Abstract]

@Friday it absolutely still stands! Haha. :D Just was way off in my understanding of what was going on. :bag::x3: ;)