Many Family Members Dealing With Separate Ptsd.

[GypsyMama]

I am new to this forum. I wonder if anyone can send me to resources for puzzling together a family with trauma?

My own PTSD is due to layered childhood abuse.

Three of my five children, in addition to living with a mama with PTSD, witnessed regular domestic violence at their father's house and were forced to keep secrets about many things. Two have a PTSD diagnosis now. One has serious anxiety.

Hubby has trauma and abandonment issues, with a mama who left him as a baby and also as a vet.

The babies are young enough that I hope I can protect them from our trauma, but I yell when I am triggered, and my 2yo already loathes angry voices.

I have been seeing an amazing therapist for several years and am recovering. Hubby is getting worse. Two of my kids are getting better and one is getting worse.

I'd love resources to help me help my family be as healthy as possible, esp. since neither hubby nor I ever had a model of what a healthy relationship looks like.

 

[safenow]

Welcome to the ptsd forum, GypsyMama. You are asking a tough question.

I was a full grown adult before I saw what a real family was suppose to look like. I think it was around 1982-1983. There was no yelling or screaming. No hitting, ever. None of the children nor the adults were neglected. They were a Christian family who not only talked the talk, but they walked the walk.

They prayed together every morning. If the kids had questions, they knew they could ask their parents and never be put down. When the adults made a mistake, they admitted to it, and ask for forgiveness. Even the children in this family taught me. Sure, they all made mistakes, but no one dwelled on them, they corrected the mistakes and moved on. They prayed together every night. At meals, they all would kneel behind their chairs and ask for a blessing over the food and each other. Not rote prayers either. Really talked to God like one person talks to another. It was very refreshing.

 

[GypsyMama]

Thank you for your quick reply.

I asked my ex-husband to move out when my oldest was 5.5 because he began hitting them. There is no hitting in our home.

I feel blessed that I have a really great relationship with my kids. They come to me for help. I apologize when I make a mistake. We are connected. But I used to manage to only have breakdowns when they were at their dads (or primarily). Now I have them home full-time, and there is not always space to break down in private. I know my own PTSD affects them, and they trigger mine -- having my kids exhibit symptoms at all breaks my heart, as I worked so hard to give them something "better." And it *is* better, but not as better as I wanted it to be.

 

[safenow]

I also meant to say, each person will change over time. We have our free agency to do as we see as right or wrong. I wish you good luck in your life, and hope you can all work together and stay together as you grow together.