Marriage And Self-harm

[falling]

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right section so my apologies if it's not the correct one.

My husband knows that I did self harm in the past(cutting) and also knows that I have PTSD and major depression. I am finding that the stigma associated with mental health is having a very negative effect on my life. I've been working on getting better(was at a very low point this past summer) each day. I follow my psychiatrist's orders strictly. I work almost full time with some modifications and am a Mother of a 5 year old daughter.

I have been a long time member of this forum and I also have an online blog(as a journal) to help in the outlet of my feelings and such. I am also on fb and have recently been posting things regarding PTSD. My coworkers that are also my friends (on fb and in real life) now know I have PTSD.

My most recent post talks about the detailed struggles I've had with PTSD. In that post I indicated that I used cutting as a way to break through the numbness. I haven't cut in months tho and I have discussed this with my psychiatrist as well. I NEVER would hurt my daughter and there has never been any concerns of that from anyone.

So, my husband reads my fb post about the cutting and freaks. He tells me to take it don or he is going to leave the house and not come back. I refuse and try to explain that by writing about it it helps to take away the control it has over me. Like my secret's out so now I can breath or something. The more I embrace and admit my stuff about PTSD the better I feel. The less stigma I feel from it.

But my husband said he thinks if my employer finds out that I use to cut they will fire me. First off, I work in a lab and do don't deal with the public. Secondly, my employer is fully aware that I have been diagnosed with PTSD only because I told them. Third-I am following my doctors orders and have confided the cutting information with him. All of this I explained to my husband.

He still gave me an ultimatum-either take it down or he's leaving. I again refuse.

He threatens to tell my daughters father(my husband is her step-father), indicating that it would cause him to try to take legal custody of her from me. Again, if I was a threat to my girl my psychiatrist would step in. I love my girl and would NEVER HURT HER.

My husband then proceeded to wake my daughter up (at 11pm) and try to take her. Saying that she is going with him (cause he's leaving me) because I am obviously unstable due to the past cutting. I stop him and allow my daughter to go back to sleep.

Then he asks for his engagement ring back-I give it to him. He leaves.

What are your thoughts on this?I believe he is not being supportive and is selfishly trying to manipulate me into taking the cutting post on fb down. I think he is ashamed of my issues and is afraid to allow others to see I had a cutting issue in the past. I feel like he is ashamed of me. It's people like him that cause the stigma in the first place.

I am so disappointed and just plain angry that he is acting this way.

What are your thoughts about both our positions? Do you think I should stay with him if he does ask me to once he calms down?

Should I take the post down?
Does anyone understand why it helps me to post about it on fb-freeing myself from stigma and shame by exposing myself?

Honest thoughts please. I am worried about my marriage. I am worried I should have just accepted that living with PTSD means living without a partner.

thank you for reading.

 

[Queen Boudica]

That sounds like total manipulation and he can't take your access away to your child because you used to cut. Don't know what is going on with him, but think he should go and talk to your psychiatrist when he calms down. Give him that ultimatum.

Seriously he needs a better understanding of what is going on then a joint session with your psychiatrist so he gets why you need the site and how it helps you. But that behaviour he exhibited is just not right and it must have been pretty scary for your child to be woken up by him in that state.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I really dislike facebook sometimes. It's a community with a bunch of 'friends' but friends of all kinds of dynamics; work, neighbors, religious institution friends, college friends and 'friends' you made in the 2nd grade and haven't seen since.

It all seems to be a place where if you have 843 'friends' getting into a disagreement and 'unfrieneding' them is easy. A simple click of a button and it's all over. There is no order, no boundaries. There is no consequences for actions either. I see a lot of 'mod mentality' becasue people feel they can say anything and get away with it, if a few of their 'friends' back them up.

Your husbands reaction was extreme but I think he felt scared. Facebook is a community were people say things that aren't the least bit serious most of the time but then it's used to lose friends and jobs over.

Is there more that you aren't saying? How long ago was the cutting? And I am not saying I totally agree with how he handled it. I think his reaction was extreme which I think he sounded scared of something happening to your job or life- perhaps he thought it wasn't a good place to share that and the risk was to much?

 

[Deleted member 24866]

As well as potential future employees looking at FB accounts, there are predator types also.. at least hiding in my mix of noted friends. They pick up on the smell of blood.. and hurting, and sometimes it is not those you expect. In the past I have had a similar conversation minus the ultimatum, though he does seem to be over reacting. (Have you guys been together a long enough time for him to understand PTSD?) After 3 years my boyfriend is just beginning to understand. )) Anyhow what if you only post those private things to "close friends" or even your "self" on FB.. still therapeutic and safer.. (never the less I believe future employers may still get a peek-and there are probably about 35% in my market that actually do check it- though I agree its BS. Just speaking from my experience- good luck and sending prayers!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There is no privacy on Facebook. Your information is now forever out there.

You may not want to hear this, but I side with your husband. No, you may never hurt your daughter, but perception is everything. If your ex suddenly wants custody, he can use that information against you to show you are unfit. Your intentions don't matter. Cutting can point to mental instability which could cause issues for you in the future. Then you are left with the burden of proof to show that you are in fact fit.

Why Facebook? Why not post elsewhere where your privacy is more protected? You're currently going through a " shout it from the rooftops" phase but you may want your privacy back in the future. Unfortunately, at that point you can't get it back.

Maybe your husbands reaction was over the top, but I agree that personal private struggles shouldn't be posted on Facebook----especially when it's a matter of giving others ammo against you.

 

[falling]

Thank you ALL for your view points. And no worries Solara, about 'siding with my husband'. I want to hear different points of view so I can open my mind to anything I may have not considered.

First off-Ayesha, there isn't anything else that happened that I'm not stating. I too understand how facebook people can be very judgmental and that most posts are not about real shit. But I posted my intimate details in hopes of allowing others to offer their support, maybe allowing my 'friends from work' that are on my fb insight into why I am so quiet/jumpy/tired or why I like to take some breaks alone or why I call in sick often. I also want to embrace the fact that I have this and I'm no longer going to try to hide it.

I haven't cut since this past summer and my husband knows this also. I should also tell you all that I have my fb account set up under a nickname, not my real name. And I have my settings set so that I will not come up in searches.

I'm not worried about being fired from work or anything because I've told my boss I have PTSD and I've given occupational health reports on my health from my doc.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. I have made an appointment with my doc and asked my husband to go he said that he'd like that.