Me And My Cancer Adventure

[Tessa]

Dear Froggie,

I have nursed more people than I can think of through this last great adventure we call death. I cannot think of any who have been aggressive. rather I have felt honoured to be witness to their courage and some events have actually been beautiful.

I just had a man flown back to the community to die as he wanted to finish up on his country. His last days were peaceful.

Please just take one day at a time and enjoy the now with family and friends. We are all here with you sending caring thoughts.

 

[Froggie]

Thank you Tessa for those reassuring words. That experience really hit me hard and I suspect that I was in a vulnerable PTSD symptomized situation as that lady reminded me of my mother. I seem to be the only one who is worried about my reactions, even my children say the same things as you and many others. I just don't want to hurt anyone because I'm in pain (physical or psychological wise).

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Dear Froggie. I do not think you will hurt anyone because you are in pain. I say this because you are aware of it so you would be guarding against it. Awareness is the key. I hope you will go easy on yourself and treat yourself well. You are normal for what you are going through. I think you are amazing and inspiring. You always are so caring of everyone around here. Just my opinion. Big hugs.

 

[Froggie]

Thank you ((((gizmo)))), it's often hard to evaluate oneself, we judge oneself so harshly at times that it takes others to put some things into perspective. Thank you for being one of those people.

 

[CraftyCath]

Hiya Froggie,

I'm so sorry that you fell and hurt yourself, it looks so sore! I'm glad you got the blockage sorted out though and you are feeling a little better.

I think of you often. :hug:

 

[KP the nut]

(((Froggie))), I have my lovely blue scented candle lit.

 

[Britt.f7]

Froggie, some hurt may be inescapable, but your family will understand. I think when my mom first realized the situation she was in, when she came out of her coma, she showed some anger toward my sister and I. However, we understood. I think it still hurt, but most of the hurt was for her not because of her.

In my experiences over the last few years, most of the people I knew who passed away were often nicer, either by the words they say, or some of the things they did. Interesting enough, not all of these people knew their death was coming soon. It's just something I've observed. Because of it there was a happy moment. A peaceful moment.

I am sorry you are going through all of this. My heart feels for you.

 

[Froggie]

Yesterday (Nov. 19th) I had my regular appointment with the oncologist. He gave me the results of the last scan - it wasn't good. The cancer is progressing in one of the lymph nodes and will do the same with the others. The treatment is not working anymore on me.

I will have a rest for a month or 2 to get up some strength and they will do an alternative treatment on me.

The first thing that came to my mind was how the H*LL was I going to annonce this to my children. Then I asked the nurse to find me a space where I could just cry. She took me to her office. I felt like :poop:, all that effort and sacrifice during the 52 hour treatments for what ??? Well today I realized that it gave me on heck of an extention to my life because the oncologist had given me at most 8 months to live. It has been 17 1/2 months and I'm still here ! So somewhere I have to be thankful. I will have another Christmas and New Year's with the children and grand-children.

I still feel sadness inside of me, I even feel my insides trembling ... I guess I'm scared.

I felt such sadness and revolt yesterday. I know my daughter is feeling it, I saw her remark on FB today. I'm so sorry for the hurt that I'm causing my kids. I was suppose to make more calls today but chickened out, feeling to vulnerable to deal with that, especially with my mother.

Thank you for listening to my venting and sadness. I so appreciate you all.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Froggie))) I am so very sorry for your bad news and all that entails. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you a real hug. This must have been very hard for you to share here. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers if that is ok. Big hugs.

 

[Froggie]

Thank you (((((gizmo))))), yes it is hard.

 

[Britt.f7]

Froggie, that must be so hard. My heart greatly goes out to you. Do what you can when you can. Try not to feel guilty about it. People will understand. The important thing is to try and not tire yourself out. That can be really difficult to do. I wish my energy to you.

 

[Froggie]

Thank you ((((Britt))))