Medication Compliance

[Lady of Longbourn]

I struggle with this even though I know how much my medication helps me. I know how my medication has been a great tool so I can have a stable life, do something outside mental illness and to be able to attend college. I love college.

I know all this. I know what I was like before medication. I remember the hospital trips, the vague memories, the inappropriate thoughts and actions and the rapidly deteriorating mind. And yet I still wont always swallow (all and/or some; it various) my pills every night. They have been pretty much the same for years, kept me out of the hospital and away from month(s) long depressions and hypomania episodes. For the first time in my memory I was not depressed for weeks and weeks this past winter and fall.

My therapist says this is very common for people with Bipolar Disorder and today I am caught myself thinking about how much fun it would be to just have fun; to be manic and how creative I could be. I decided to be rational and told myself that being manic doesn't mean fun at all. More then likely it wont mean fun; Jail, hospital, no college, divorce. Which would mean worse PTSD and anxiety and everything else. Why do that to myself?

Why do I put myself through this? Neglect? Angry at myself? Angry at the medication (it did cause weight gain)?

It can not continue like this. Medication to me has been a life line and it turned my life around. I know it's not for everyone. It doesn't work out for everyone, but it works for me. I would not be able to have a life without it.

Thoughts?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Ayesha as you say medication is not right for everyone, the same as EMDR is not the right therapy for everyone either, it worked for me but I know many who EMDR is just not an option.

IMHO there is a fine balance in all of us and when that balance is found in us we need to remember where our tipping point is.

:hug:s

Laurence

 

[Alfred.Greene]

I don't know, every strategy has it's sacrifices, and we have to live with our choices. It seems like your right if you ask me.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Alfred.Greene I am confused by your response. I am in no way saying I will discontinue the medication at all or even alter it. Can you explain what you mean? I think I am misunderstanding.

@Santa_Laurie Yeah, EMDR didn't work for me.

 

[GWhizz]

@Ayesha,

I totally see your point and your struggles with meds. I have only been on medication about 6months and the 1st 3 or so were pretty rough trying to find a suitable dose, in fact, sometimes I felt worse. But now that I feel more balanced (less suicidal etc), I sometimes feel I'm fine now, I don't need them anymore. Or that I don't want the potential side effects etc. But I know that I would not be in this stable place and my family would be a mess because of me if I were to stop taking them now.

Life can be a little duller on meds I agree. But we have to remember why we needed them. The unpredictability and extreme lows of before are not worth it. I just try to take joy from the simple things in my life now and I'm much more appreciative of what I do have now. I have a lovely partner and baby and can now return to my job which I love too. I don't want to give any of that up and I want to keep living now.

By the way, I'm a nurse myself and I totally agree with @Santa_Laurie - meds are not for everyone and they're certainly not a one-fits-all either. I've seen the good and bad from them. But I think the most important thing I can take from it is, that they work best in those that WANT to take them, that WANT to get the best outcome from them. They say the 1st step in healing is choosing your own treatment plan. That's why they call it concordance now, rather than compliance or adherence. We have to want to do this for ourselves and be active participants in our own ongoing recovery/healing.

I see your struggles though, I'm not saying I perfectly comply, I have days where I skip a dose, days where I'm sick of feeling numb/apathetic. But for the most part, taking them 5 out of 7 days at least seems to be helping.

I hope you can continue to take them or talk with your prescriber about alternative options / dose titration if you feel that may help. Well done on getting to where you are at now though

 

[Alfred.Greene]

From what I understood you felt certain about needing to use meds correct? It seemed like you said you still had a hard time taking them despite the positive outcomes. I was simply saying that: Yeah, i know its tough to do the right thing, but I agree with your logic. I said that because it seemed like you needed reassurance emotionally? Perhaps I am wrong.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

By the way, I'm a nurse myself and I totally agree with Santa_Laurie - meds are not for everyone and their certainly not a one-fits-all either. I've seen the good and bad from them

I too waas a Medic (Armed Forces Combat Medic).

As you rightly say @GWhizz meds are not for everyone just like therapies are not the same for everyone.

My diagnosing Therapist was a very high ranking former Police Chief who qualified In Psychology to be able to help specifically Police Officers after the Bombings a few years ago. As I was employed by the Police when I broke down they employed him to treat me.

Now I am no longer employed by the Police but still have a Law Enforcement/Military mentality, the NHS (UK) are struggling to find me a therapist specialised sufficiently to treat me.

They have accepted that they (NHS) are unable to help, but have contacted a Military Specialist who like my Poice specialist can help me and I will now be entering what I hope and believe will be my final stage of recovery. Life taught me to fight to survive and although I have really struggled with this for the last twelve months I have found my inner resolve again and am not backing down.

I start Therapy next week.

So my point is that not all medications are the right medications just like not all Therapists are necessarily the right Therapist.

The analogy "You cant fix a broken leg with a sticky plaster" springs to mind.

All injuries be they physical of psychological are different and the treatment of those injuries needs to be adapted to suit the patient.

Laurie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Alfred.Greene Yes, I am certain I need the medication. Mostly explained here:

I remember the hospital trips, the vague memories, the inappropriate thoughts and actions and the rapidly deteriorating mind.

Also ups and downs all the time. Depression. Never, ever stable. I am sure at some point there would have been voices and hallucinations. It was progressing and getting worse really really fast.

Which part of my logic do you agree with? There was a lot in my post.

I know I am doing the right thing. I just really want to hear that. I need the support.

 

[TimeToHeal]

@Ayesha, I think it is difficult for most people, at some point or another, to accept the need for medication. A common analogy is, "if you were diabetic, you wouldn't deny yourself insulin to keep you healthy - so why deny yourself this medication to keep yourself healthy?"

You've clearly and logically laid out all the reasons TO take your medications, but I really didn't pick up on any reasons why NOT to take them. Do they cause you significant side effects? Do they make you feel funny? Most side effects - especially ones like drowsiness, dizziness, etc., will greatly improve or even disappear, the longer and more regularly you take the meds.

Another thought - and I see this quote often in my line of work - when people get on the right meds that are helping and they begin to feel better, stable, they think they're fine now and no longer need the meds. What they are missing is they feel better because of the medications. Stopping them would only cause a return of symptoms, and/or illness.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Ayesha You have my support 100%.

If the medication for you fits and is of benefit then yes you are doing the right thing.

You are the one person that knows what works best for YOU.

Laurie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Santa_Laurie I have been taking the same medications for a few years. They are working really well. I think this is about as good as it will get considering the long term illness.

The only new one added was Topamax. Added for weight loss caused by the antipsyctic years ago. I think this caused some angry in me. I have never been over weight in my life or close to it. Now I am. I notice a different in how I am treated. I noticed how some stores no longer carry clothing in my size.

I once went to the doctor for something I thought was unrelated, when I came out of the doctor I was given a piece of paper to give to the front office and the reason for the visit was on the paper. The doctor has written "Over weight" as the reason even though that is not what I had made the appointment for.

I felt so embarrassed. After that, I actually started telling doctors and ever clerks in clothing stores that I had never been over weight before. I would try to explain to people. I know I have to do something about it becasue it will lead to health problems.

Was it worth more stable mental health? Yes, I think that pill was one of the main reasons I can go to college but it also increased my chances for diabetes.

Sometimes it's hard to take that pill every night. It's the one I miss the most.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Ayesha you sound very strong willed and focussed on what is right for you.

Go with your gut instincts. I am certain you are doing everything regarding your stability and have control of your own personal journey with PTSD and management of it.

As I have said in recent threads. We are the patients and we can all IMHO get to the point f self medicationg and knowing what works best for us. My medication has seen my weight baloon by 3 UK stones 48pounds in 3 months.

I know in myself that I can focus at the right time andd wean myself off of this pill and I can focus myself to lose that weight.