Meeting New People And The Dreaded "so What Do You Do For A Living?" Question

[The Hermit King]

My question is since I am on total disability for PTSD and cannot work, what the hell do I say? I have done my best for years to avoid situations where I am required to talk about myself but sometimes it's unavoidable. I HATE the social stigma attached to being on disability and it's a thousand times worse if it's considered a "mental" disability. Several months back I had to meet my new girlfriends Dad for the first time and of course I knew the question would be asked and of course it was. So I just mumbled some crap about being on VA disability and instantly felt awkward and basically like a huge ass. He is former Navy and I don't think he really cared but I still felt really ashamed anyway. I just wish I knew something else to say besides telling every damn person that asks that question that I'm on disability. What the hell can I say? I'm only 29 so I can't say I'm retired Army, I wish I could that would be awesome but I can't. Some people are so dense they ask the question and after I uncomfortably answer, they follow up with " OH WHAT'S PTSD?" Then I feel my skin start to crawl and I would like to bash their head in. I'm rambling now, sorry. I just wish there was some way I could stop stressing about this dumb ass question. When I was still active duty I would answer proudly with I'm in the Army. Now I just don't know what to say so I avoid introductions at all costs. I've managed to control a whole lot of my PTSD symptoms over the years but this one thing still really bothers me. Maybe it's stupid but it does. So I just tend to stay as isolated as possible and I never really go anywhere at all unless my girlfriend directly asks me to. Has anyone else felt this way? Am I just being overly sensitive? It's a very common question people ask I just don't have a common answer anymore. Maybe someone on here can help me.

 

[Jimmy1]

Chemlight,

Thats always been a big one for me. Now its easy though, as I am having back surgery in a couple of weeks, but I just used to say that I am busted.
Its really f*cked how we have to justify ourselves to other people. I know a lot of guys who just make up stories. Like that they have a screwed back or their shoulders are stuffed and they don't meet the fitness requirements of the military anymore.

One day, there will be so many veterans in the world with PTSD that it will be accepted like you have Asthma or something.

I joke about it now around friends. If I make a mistake or say something stupid, I just say 'Hey I am partially mentally disabled, whats your excuse'. lmao. My son jokes about it too.

So mate, when you meet new people, just tell them you are broken internally and don't meet the requirements and that you are unable to do certain things and thats why you can't work. If they keep probing, just say that it pisses you off just as much not being able to work.

Hope this helps

 

[Steph_F]

I spoke to a very nice gentleman at a Vet Center yesterday and he told me that there are 50 million Vets in the US alone with PTSD, idk how many live with combat PTSD, but 50 million people. Not sure what that really means except that is a LOT of people living with this disorder.

 

[Razorback]

I know your serious and it sucks to feel that stigma. Can I suggest some creative answering?

Some things you could say:

1. At Home Day Trader currently taking a break until the market picks up again-if anyone starts talking about investments just say the market sucks and you're not getting back into it until the housing market recovers. I'm betting that excuse will work for the next 15 years.

2. Freelance Television Critic-works if you watch television and I'm sure you can lament about your favorites. Freelance anything can be good because they kind of work for themselves.

3. Organic Small Scale Farmer-works if you start a garden. Even just a planter with some herbs.

4. Medical Research-when asked what type, say mental health and combat related stress. Trust me when I say we are helping someone put some statistics together and get a grant! If they probe deeper, tell them it is protected by HIPPA and you can't discuss it.

5. Internet Researcher-all that surfing has to count for something, right?

6.Medically Retired-if asked about it, just say you don't like to talk about it much.

7. Volunteer with an internet military support group-we all help each other, right? If asked, say you have to respect the confidentiality of the members.

8. Critical Analyst-c'mon this seems to be a great descriptor.

Anyone else have something creative?

 

[Jimmy1]

If you don't know them, say 'None of your business'.

If you know them, then they would know you are broken.

I just say that I am too broken from service, stuff like 'Those packs we humped were heavy and my knee's are stuffed'.

 

[anthony]

My answer is simply... "I'm retired". That is what I am... and I leave it at that. For anyone who wants to get nosey nosey, I simply tell them I have enough money to live, so don't need to work. Anyone nosier than that, I typically walk away from, as I don't like particularly nosey people who want to know the ins and outs of everyone else's lives.

All of the above is accurate and true... So its an answer without having to lie.

It was another vet who told me the above, who also is the same as I... physically fit and healthy, just mentally broken. So people look at me and see healthy adult male, and wonder why I'm not working.

 

[The Hermit King]

I know your serious and it sucks to feel that stigma. Can I suggest some creative answering?

Some things you could say:

1. At Home Day Trader currently taking a break until the market picks up again-if anyone starts talking about investments just say the market sucks and you're not getting back into it until the housing market recovers. I'm betting that excuse will work for the next 15 years.

2. Freelance Television Critic-works if you watch television and I'm sure you can lament about your favorites. Freelance anything can be good because they kind of work for themselves.

3. Organic Small Scale Farmer-works if you start a garden. Even just a planter with some herbs.

4. Medical Research-when asked what type, say mental health and combat related stress. Trust me when I say we are helping someone put some statistics together and get a grant! If they probe deeper, tell them it is protected by HIPPA and you can't discuss it.

5. Internet Researcher-all that surfing has to count for something, right?

6.Medically Retired-if asked about it, just say you don't like to talk about it much.

7. Volunteer with an internet military support group-we all help each other, right? If asked, say you have to respect the confidentiality of the members.

8. Critical Analyst-c'mon this seems to be a great descriptor.

Anyone else have something creative?

This is a great list. Thanks man. See the only people who would even be asking about this would be my new girlfriends family, her friends or even people she works with. My only friends are Army so they already know and don't give a rats ass. I have extreme social anxiety so I don't ever speak to anyone unless I have too and then it's usually yes or no answers. Everyone here has valid points but I like the creativeness of this list since most people who ask don't really care they are just trying to be polite. This list even gave me an idea that's kind of accurate too, I could just say I'm a beta tester for new video games. I play video games like nobodies business. lol

 

[Razorback]

Glad to help. I like the beta tester idea. Awesome, man.

 

[Jimmy1]

My answer is simply... "I'm retired". That is what I am... and I leave it at that. For anyone who wants to get nosey nosey, I simply tell them I have enough money to live, so don't need to work. Anyone nosier than that, I typically walk away from, as I don't like particularly nosey people who want to know the ins and outs of everyone else's lives.

All of the above is accurate and true... So its an answer without having to lie.

It was another vet who told me the above, who also is the same as I... physically fit and healthy, just mentally broken. So people look at me and see healthy adult male, and wonder why I'm not working.

Like Anthony says, just say you are retired. Unless they are real close friends they have no need to know why

 

[abnvet]

I like the retired answer! You are and shouldn't have to go into details unless you feel comfortable about it. I'm only at 60% and have often thought about what I'd say if I were at total. Now the beta-tester sounds cool too. How about something like "I invented the internet" - oh already taken - HOOAH!

 

[Nicolette]

Like Anthony says, just say you are retired. Unless they are real close friends they have no need to know why

While I get Anthony's point and reasoning; I find the after effects difficult to deal with when introducing him to clients, friends, work colleagues etc. It's not that they are being nosy - they see a fit youngish man who says he retired = them thinking he is wealthy so then I get the questions next time I see them........

I think this is a difficult situation and I now tell people my husband builds websites and runs forums which is also the truth and I get no following questions.

 

[Mockingbird13]

C'mon - if your young and you can say I'm retired" - truly how many people deep down inside would be jealous of you ... they dont have to know anymore than that. ;)