Melatonin?

[barefoot]

@blackemerald1 - yes, sleep walking when you live alone can be potentially dangerous, so I’m not surprised that you gave up the melatonin if it was contributing to more nighttime roaming. I sometimes leap out of bed and charge off when I’m hallucinating/having a night terror but I never get so far as getting out of the bedroom as my partner either coaxes me back into bed or - if that isn’t working - she wakes me up. I think she worries that if I leave the room I may fall down the stairs. She is also often able to stop me from getting up at all, but sometimes I’m too fast for her and I’m already up and out the bed before she knows what’s happening!

I can move a lot faster in my sleep than I ever do while I’m awake!

If I lived alone, who knows what I’d do or where I’d end up!

No increase in Parasomnias so far since I started taking it, so that’s good...

And yes, I suppose it does make sense that I’m dreaming of my mum at this time. I’m still not really talking about her nor thinking about her very much so I guess it’s coming out in my sleep. It felt like most of last night’s melatonin induced cinematic experiences were about her. One was awful and I was awake for ages afterwards. The other one was similar to lots of them...that in the dream I know she’s dying and she can die at any moment so I know I have to be careful with her...and that I must spend all the time I can with her. I think maybe I am feeling guilty for not spending as much time with her as I could have when she was alive...

Sex dreams are overrated ?

 

[blackemerald1]

Sex dreams are overrated

Well they have to come in behind real sex but since that's not happening either some over-rated dreams would do.. lol :hilarious:

I think maybe I am feeling guilty for not spending as much time with her as I could have when she was alive...

Is this the would have, could have, should have second guessing we slay ourselves with after the fact? :hug:

 

[barefoot]

Is this the would have, could have, should have second guessing we slay ourselves with after the fact?

I expect so. But knowing that doesn’t really take away from the fact that, if I’d have known then what I know now ie that she would just suddenly be dead at this point with no warning whatsoever...if I’d have known that when I was putting off going to visit or calling because I couldn’t be bothered at that moment or because I was avoiding it because it was stressful or because I chose to do something else because I figured I would see her/speak to her the following week...if I’d have known then how suddenly she’d be gone, I probably would have done things differently sometimes.

So, while I don’t feel absolutely wracked with guilt and am not really beating myself up about it because I don’t think I deserve that, the pain of it is there. And while sometimes I put off doing a family visit or making a phone call because that felt best for me to protect myself from some stress, othertimes I was just being lazy and selfish. And I won’t get to choose whether to go visit or whether to pick up the phone and have a chat with her ever again.

 

[blackemerald1]

I probably would have done things differently sometimes.

I am not suggesting that you are not grieving in a completely normal way. However, if you had known that anything was going to be going wrong with your mother I think you would have packed her off to a hospital with 24 hour medical attendance and stressed yourself into a breakdown about it all.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is what we all must face or have faced. :cry:

I currently have very elderly parents and I know they are a 'day to day' proposition. So I spend a lot of time with them blah, blah but I also need to come back to my own home. I know that it's likely I will be travelling when something happens and I won't be there to stop it. It will be terrible and I hope you are around to remind me that this is life and I have no control over this.

This is unfortunately the way it happens and we rarely get warnings, second chances or something merciful. Isn't it dreadful? :hug:

 

[barefoot]

Than you @blackemerald1 - I’m having a hard day