Meltdown Over Diabetes Diagnoses

[GhostedGirl]

I'm just entering my 3rd trimester of pregnancy and I was asked to do a glucose tolerance test. This was extremely difficult for me as I have an intense phobia of intravenous needles linked to my trauma. It was 3 lab draws in all, but with the aid of my medications I was able to make it through. I was really proud of myself and really wiped out from all the anxiety...

...so I got my test results today and I have gestational diabetes. I am destroyed. I have always had intense body shame and paranoia about getting diabetes. I know that I inaccurately view diabetes as something only fat people develop. I was a very chubby kid and I struggled with my weight for many, many years. I thought because I was finally in shape before my pregnancy (and had only gained 10 pounds in 6 months) that I was doing well and did not have anything to worry about. Now all my body shame and insecurities are flooding back. I feel like if people know I have GD they will think I'm a fat disgusting slob who doesn't know how to take care of herself. Only 2-10% of pregnant women get GD... I feel so gross, so ashamed, so worthless.

You are not allowed to be a fat woman in this country. I noticed that right away when I lost about 40 pounds, suddenly people were treating me differently. I was given more respect, kinder treatment, and people looked up to me. When I was assertive- people looked at it as confidence instead of before when it was viewed as me being "bitchy". It's the same with diabetes. I don't want to be the fat girl ever again.

When people know you have diabetes they think you are fat, ignorant, and have been irresponsible with your health. I keep thinking "I hate myself and wish I were dead."

On top of all that, they want to give me a meter and possibly even insulin injections. I had the first blood draw of my life a few months ago and it took a lot of xanax and crying to get over. How am I ever going to manage daily injections? I feel like i'm going to die.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sorry you are faced with this harsh reality. You will get through this a baby step at a time. You will learn all that you need to learn. I do not know how long the anxiety will hang around. You have had quite a shock. It will take you time to grieve the losses of what you once had.

I would not focus on what other people think. It is more important what you think. It will take you time to adjust and get used to this. You have had a huge shock. It was a fear you had that came true.

I had a fear come true that I dreaded, and over time I learned that when the worst thing in the world happened I survived. I rebuilt my life. I am in the process of rebuilding my life again.

Life has some lousy cards to deal to us at times. There is alot of grieving involved. The old you is gone. Now there is the new you. You have alot to come to terms with. It will take time and practice and education. I hope you get alot of help and support as you learn and grow through this one. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you a real hug. You will be ok. It will turn out ok I do not know how but you will survive this all. I am wishing the best for you. Big hugs.

 

[GhostedGirl]

What a rollercoaster! Now I just spoke to a diabetic nutritionist (luckily, the baby's grandmother) and she says stress and anxiety can actually spike your blood sugar. That if I was under a lot of stress during the test (uh, needles, so A LOT) that it may have skewed my results. She's not even convinced I have gestational diabetes at all.

I suppose it would explain why I haven't gained a lot of weight, I'm not showing any symptoms and I don't have a genetic predisposition. I don't know... I don't want to get my hopes up and believe I don't have GD. I'm going to stick to a strict low sugar, low carb diet anyway just in case. On the other hand my anxiety seems to be at the root of all my health problems. (I once broke out in hives inside my mouth, and my doctor told me I was having an anxiety attack. Sure enough once I started taking a benzo it began to clear up.) We'll see what happens. Regardless Gestational Diabetes is almost always temporary until the birth, so I'll just do my best until then...

Thank you :)

 

[amethist]

Please try not to worry too much about this Magdalen, my daughter had it and followed the diet they gave her and managed it quite well with the diet and some tablets they gave her.

She has now given birth and is back to normal. She was only very slightly over weight but it hit her hard too.

 

[Spiderallis]

It's very true that stress will raise blood sugar levels. I've had diabetes since I was five years old, my readings go wacky when I'm stressed. There's different kinds of diabetes and only one is caused by diet/lifestyle choices. Being pregnant may have put enough strain on your system to cause gestational diabetes. Generally, a low carb, low fat and high fiber diet is the first thing to try in controlling bloodsugar levels. A good meal would be mostly veggies and fruit, a small portion of lean protein and just a little bit of starch- whole grains are best. It's also helpful to eat smaller meals, having a little something to eat every 2 or 3 hours keeps the levels steady. There's pills which help people with certain types of diabetes like amethist said, the doctor will probably have you take those if the diet doesn't keep your levels where they should be.

Also if the blood testing with a monitor is a problem for you, ask about urine tests. They're not as accurate, but it may be better for you if the finger-tests are stressful. It's just a little strip that you, um, you know- and it changes colors to show how much sugar is in your system over the last 6 hours.

 

[piratelady]

Not only fat people get diabetes. My mother has had it for about 20 years. She weighed less than 100 lbs when she was diagnosed and has never been overweight. Amethist is right diabetes can be managed by following the diet they prescribe. Some people, after giving birth, no longer have issues with diabetes.

 

[GhostedGirl]

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I know my feelings of fat shame from being formally overweight has really colored my view of diabetes. I spoke to a close friend today and she was really worried about me going on a diet. Mainly because my anxiety can trigger a lot of obsessive behaviors in my eating and food choices and she doesn't want to see me getting like that again. I'm processing things a lot better now (thank god I quit that awful job) so I'm feeling better.

Thank you for telling me about the urine tests, i'll definitely ask!

It's interesting to really analyze my reaction. The snowball effect in my brain goes: "I have gestational diabetes because i didn't eat right while pregnant. I failed my baby because i didn't care just like my mom didn't care and she failed me. And I'm selfish just like her. And she's going to be big, and then grow up and be fat like I was and people will be mean to her and treat her poorly because she's fat. And it's all my fault."

I know these things aren't real. But it says a lot about my personal insecurities.

 

[Girl3]

While it is true that women who get gestational diabetes are more at risk for developing Type 2 Diabetes, it isn't inevitable. If you have a family history of Type 2, then genetically that puts you at risk, but it doesn't mean that no matter what you do, you'll get it.

DM II - that's how many of us chart it because it's shorter to write - is all about insulin resistance at first. The body has to have glucose as it's main source of energy. If you look at a diet without any modern foods in it, glucose comes from fruits, vegetables, grains, and milk. We are seeing more DM II in part because the modern diet has sugars out the yinyang. Fructose, sucrose, dextrose and all the refined starches (bread, pasta, donuts, cookies, candy, soda pop) cause the blood sugar to skyrocket. The pancreas then has to pump out insulin to help the cells use the glucose to mae enrgy. But for people with DM II, their cells resist the effects of insulin, so the prancreas pumps out even more insulin. Finally the cells take up the glucose, but then you feel shaky, awful, panicky - and so you eat more glucose. Over time, the extra insulin causes a person to become fat - insulin is a growth hormone-like stimulator.

So how does one overcome this genetic minefield? Protein - nuts, fish, lean meat - provide fuel that takes the body a long time to convert to energy and it doesn't raise your blood glucose. Vegetables eaten raw or lightly cooked, take a longer time to break down and thus don't cause the skyrocketing blood glucose. Fruit in moderation, taken after a meal or with a protein source - like cheese and fruit together, helps slow the rise in blood glucose.

Exercise - and I don't mean running marathons - but walking at a brisk pace for an hour a day, even if it is broken up into 15 minute increments, helps the cells take up glucose more easily. Exercise is probably the most effective way to prevent insulin resistance.

Finally - understanding that DM II was once upon a time a survival tool - "cave men" living in colder climates were less likely to get frostbite, because having higher glucose levels in the blood makes the plasma in blood less likely to crystalize and freeze. DM II is a disease from the modern standpoint.

DM II runs in both sides of my family. I fight it tooth and nail. When I was pregnant, I didn't eat ice cream, or candy bars, or any of the foods I craved. Instead I ate steamed veggies, lean meats, and had fruits for dessert. After my daughter was born I breast fed for a year. And I exercised throught my pregnancy by jogging or walking 5 miles a day broken up into two 2.5 mile jaunts. Now in my fifties, my HbA1c is 4, my daughter is thin, and she gets plenty of exercise by playing sports all year round plus we walk or jog together.

Magdalen - don't beat yourself up over your genetics. The fact is, DM II is preventable to a certain extent. You don't have to give in to your genetics. Put a positive dialogue in your brain: you are a good person with great things to offer, and you have the strength to fight genetics. Motherhood is full of worries, but this is one you can dash by some simple lifestyle changes.

All the best to you!