I have been on total disability for the past year due to severe anxiety and complex ptsd. I'm 43 years old. Funny thing is that I have probably been living with these illnesses for most of my life but was only just diagnosed last winter when I took leave from work. I found this site today because I think it would be really helpful to hear others talk about how they are doing with their ptsd symptoms, so I would like to thank all of you for sharing so warmly and openly. Maybe it's because I am just now realizing what is happening to me....maybe it's because now I am finally, truly safe in my life that I can actually deal with this...perhaps because I am on leave and have given myself the space to "be"....or maybe because I am in so much flipping therapy.... But I have finally noticed that it happens to me a lot. I, too, wonder about the differences between strong emotions, dissociation and flashbacks. I guess I agree with
@Saelben, what does it matter? We still have to deal with it and we know that it's part of the trauma package that life dealt us. My psychiatrist and therapist says that because we are finally getting a grip on my anxiety that we can begin to delve into my ptsd. I have always been a very emotional person but this past year I have realized (thanks to my therapist) that I dissociate often. I'll just stop talking mid-sentence and drift off for a while, or I find myself staring off into space remembering things that may have been prompted from what is happening in the moment (ie, on tv, in conversation, something I see etc). Sometimes I wonder if these are actually mini-flashbacks but then I have major flashbacks and they're enough to deal with. Like, for instance, yesterday I had two major flashbacks (major for me anyway): once when I was playing goalie for my son's hockey shots in the living room (totally incapacitated me) and another in a yoga class. I also have a fnatastic female health problem now requiring surgery that is intensifying my memories and flashbacks. I can't tell if I have always been having flashbacks (ie for years) but had just learned to bottle them up - or if they are truly a new phenomena to me. But then again, who cares, you have to deal with it. Well, sorry for rambling here. It's hard and these stupid flashbacks really hurt me physically (intense somatization) so any ips or tricks you have come up with would be really appreciated by me.
@trying2movefwd, I wanted to send you a big hug. This is so hard. For me, one of the hardest parts of coming through to the other side is seeing how deeply this illness affects my life and how easily I am misunderstood when coping with it. I hope you are surrounded in love now as you progress.
