Met Someone New....

[Springer80]

Right,

I've me someone...it's been less than a week. I have known of and occasionally chatted to this person over the last few years. We have mutual acquaintances and professional circles. Someone even suggested/attempted to set us up once but they may as well have offered me a smacked arse.

Anyway....

This person; or possibly just how I am now and am able to be with this person; is different. I feel open, like they can see the real vulnerable me and they accommodate my needs. It feels like such a relief. I find myself wanting their company after such a short space of time. He understands and allows me to be fragile. I'm allowing myself to be fragile and he responds to it, meets it.

I suppose because of all the research I've had to do up to this point in my recovery I have 'the little book of attachment theory maxims' in my head :rolleyes: :bookworm::mad: but I am just going on what I feel I need to do physically, psychically and emotionally. When I do that, when I submit to it it feels good and I don't have any warning signals going off which in itself is strange. I can sit in his company in silence already.

This could be something very important to me. I'm going through some big changes and by their nature whoever I experience/share them with will be hugely significant in my future.

What is confusing though is this person fits with me on all the big internal things that I'm going through at the minute. Whilst in some other ways he appears quite far removed from what I thought I needed/wanted.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little drained, my poor brain can only take so much cognition at the mo...so thats it for now. I can't reel out all my worries in one go....too many!

 

[Nicolette]

I hope this turns out well for you Springer80.

The fear of the unknown concerns many however it is a journey one must take in order to find out what lays along that road. Good luck and know that

Whilst in some other ways he appears quite far removed from what I thought I needed/wanted.

is sometimes a healthy relationship characteristic as too much of the sameness can also cause incompatibility due to the boredom and predictability it can cause.

 

[Springer80]

I hope this turns out well for you...The fear of the unknown concerns many ...Good luck and know that

Thanks Nicolette :) I appreciate it.

 

[Springer80]

I'm seeing him tomorrow...Sometimes it is so difficult to just allow yourself to follow something and see where it goes. I want to tell him what I'm feeling but a little indecisive about timing and sometimes I'm a bit to honest about my misgivings.

Like for instance,....I want to ask him if I can see him more. I feel like if I let all my excitement out of the bag, I'd be knocking on his door everyday. But I'm scared, the last guy I saw I thought I really liked and it turned out as I got ill he bolted. My ex-fiance once told me 'I don't want to be your carer'.

Taking things slowly is important with emotions I guess. Especially as I've been off work for a while and I don't need the stress and distraction of heartache if it goes wrong. Had enough of that last time. My main priority is getting better and pursuing my chosen line of work slowly.

But his influence, his company helps me. Makes me feel better more engaged with things, makes me feel steady. I like that he's older than me, only a bit but he's more worldly too, travel and education and employment wise.

OOOOooooosssshhhhhh I got the nerves.

 

[Abstract]

So good to hear Springer! :)

All your thinking sounds on track to me. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel. Taking one step at a time.

I think the other good reason to take one step at a time is to allow ourselves to catch up with what is happening as it can all be very powerful!

And I agree with Nicolette that sometimes people we think are not what we want can turn out to be the best thing ever. If there is that connection with them.

Good luck!

 

[Springer80]

Okay, I think my nerves are starting to screw this up again! I keep 'big toe in big toe out' ing and it confuses the situation. Then I don't understand myself and he feels insecure. We have shared some really intimate things and he is very sensitive to me. The other night when I couldn't sleep he put his hand on my temple to make me calm. He is applying for a scholarship/residency in Rome and I kept thinking, I'll go with him and I thought when he told me about it he was testing for my reaction tentatively.

He has also told me very personal things about himself and he has a very compassionate view of things.

I sometimes feel like I'm making myself get out before I acknowledge how I do feel even though I do feel like I want to do the opposite.

 

[Springer80]

Okay...screwed up. I'm not sure what this is exactly but it has attachment issues all over it. To be honest, I'm a little tipsy and also I don't really want to pick this scab at the minute. There is only so much truth I can take at any one time and I suspect when I tell myself what I already know I'll be upset. Mainly because it involves more hard work and character building rubbish that I've had a gut load of.

Can anyone tell me when the character building high road ends please? At least then I can budget for red wine. I'm going to bed.

 

[p-no]

((((((Springer)))))))

If there is anything at all I can do for you, please let me know. Seriously.

 

[Abstract]

Hugs if you want them Springer. Sounds very upsetting...

 

[Springer80]

It would appear that I'm somehow avoiding this topic,....whilst simultaneously trying to tackle it? I know that the feelings I have around attachment are the rudder which directs my behaviour and decisions. They are actions which although lead me through a corrective path of attachment (or at least the path of least resistance which isn't always the best thing), they are also leading me away from the things I want to do. I am a slave to correcting this and yet my higher intellect tells me that proper fulfilment would be most probably be better achieved by pursuing the harder road.

I think it's time for me to go back to my specialist lady in Scotland for a week.

What I experienced with Simon I think it was because I was physically unable to pretend anymore and I have always wanted to feel that freedom.

I want the security, the bubble of safety. I dream of it when I sleep but dependence frightens me because I saw the position it left my mother in. I don't know I feel like I'm somwhow missing the crux of what I feel I want to convey.

Earlier on I thought you can't attach to anyone else until you've attached to yourself, the horrible bits, the bits in the shadows and I suppose I'm just doing that now and I haven't gotten on my feet yet so it's a bit much to expect a relationship to appear. The thing is I don't really expect it to, not of the situation or of Simon, it's just that the attchment vortex in my belly wants it and kind of vacuums in all other prospects and locks me down in the bubble of self protection.

I'm talking *****? I don't even get what I'm saying. More head scratching. I'll have to catch myself out because when I feel close to it I distract myself from writing it down. :sneaky:

 

[Springer80]

It just occurred to me, is this something I actually need to fix? With a lot of problems I've had the way out of them is rarely the most obvious approach? And anyway, you get so used to everything being an obstacle, maybe this isn't?

 

[Abstract]

Gosh thats an interesting concept Springer. I don't know how one can heal attachment outside of a relationship - on ones own. Or heal relationship dynamics on ones own. But then maybe again just being in a normal relationship without simultaneous therapy to help us change the patterns means we probably revert back to them again.

Maybe its Ok and you are just not ready yet? Maybe you can take all the positives from this little adventure and keep them?