Is there anybody out there? I need someone

[Hentree]

I’m not sure I’m safe in this moment
I’m feeling so overwhelmed and so trapped by so many things I couldn’t even begin to explain. I never talk. I never f*cking talk. I have such shame. I carry so much inside and I just don’t want to live anymore.
I’ve been so depressed lately. I’m just finding it harder and harder to see a solution anymore. I don’t want to leave my children, but I can’t stand being trapped anymore. Trapped by my past, trapped by my present, trapped by nightmares, innumerable amounts of trauma, my husband who won’t even let me leave. I’m having a hard time breathing and have been having so many intrusive thoughts. I have to go.

 

[anthony]

Start talking...

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you there?

I know it’s so difficult when you’re in the thick of it all and don’t know what to do to try and pull yourself out. If you cannot manage one day at a time, then break it down to one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time, just focusing on the present.

You can talk to us.

 

[parrotthepolly]

At what point did you "stop talking"? And are you just referring to traumatic events or don't say much in general? I've kept my mouth mostly shut for some decades and it did not end well and it can make existing emotions much stronger.

It helps to let it out, whether say it, write it or type it. Doesn't do any good to bottle it up and we all know it.

Can tell there's still hope if you're reaching out and it's only the past and present doing your head in, (yes it's just in your head and your worried about stuff that's mostly not going to have an effect). In that case, look towards the future, you didn't describe it being somewhere you're still trapped in.

Another thing, if you get along with your kids then they're definitely miss you when you go, it'll be quite a bit change. I would ask them directly.

 

[arfie]

hello hentree. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

getting that trapped feel into words is always my first step toward bending the bars of my cage. it helps bring order to the chaos of repressed thoughts. sharing those words within supportive communities is always my second step. it helps calm the blinding beast of shame.

this very forum is one of the safe places i have found for the sharing. listening, whenever you are ready to talk.

welcome aboard.

 

[Susan Jane]

I’m not sure I’m safe in this moment
I’m feeling so overwhelmed and so trapped by so many things I couldn’t even begin to explain. I never talk. I never f*cking talk. I have such shame. I carry so much inside and I just don’t want to live anymore.
I’ve been so depressed lately. I’m just finding it harder and harder to see a solution anymore. I don’t want to leave my children, but I can’t stand being trapped anymore. Trapped by my past, trapped by my present, trapped by nightmares, innumerable amounts of trauma, my husband who won’t even let me leave. I’m having a hard time breathing and have been having so many intrusive thoughts. I have to go.

You can share here, we are listening.

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @hentree. I also was mute for the majority of my life. It caused me terrible mental illness. Just start talking, writing, expressing yourself however you can. We will help you and listen. It's possible to heal and get well and this is a perfect place to do it. Spend some time looking at other people's posts/diaries. Connect with people.

Best wishes .

 

[PamelaS]

I’m not sure I’m safe in this moment
I’m feeling so overwhelmed and so trapped by so many things I couldn’t even begin to explain. I never talk. I never f*cking talk. I have such shame. I carry so much inside and I just don’t want to live anymore.
I’ve been so depressed lately. I’m just finding it harder and harder to see a solution anymore. I don’t want to leave my children, but I can’t stand being trapped anymore. Trapped by my past, trapped by my present, trapped by nightmares, innumerable amounts of trauma, my husband who won’t even let me leave. I’m having a hard time breathing and have been having so many intrusive thoughts. I have to go.

We are all here for you. Please continue to reach out to us. We understand and we won’t judge. There is hope. Just reach out here. The people here have helped me tremendously. It is a safe place.