Jan-pattern
Bronze Member
Basically: wot 'Wife of' sed!
And the others...
And I kinda like the idea of calling myself a "harpy" :)
Sounds to me like you're asking a lot of yourself and also that you're maybe setting your standards too high for now?
Like, going for a pizza in a crowded place, being stuck with your back to the door... that would seriously bother me, I know.But you demand of yourself that you do everything as normal? Tell me, if your leg was in a cast from hip to ankle, would you still be expecting yourself to run the marathon in your usual time?
You have a medical condition, man - get that into your head and start behaving like you have one. I know you don't like it, soldiers don't do "ill", I know. But you have, and you're stuck with it for the present, okay?
Maybe try and write a very brief note to your wife for marriage-saving purposes, not a whole long three-volume novel, just short factual "I love you and I know I'm not good right now. But still I love you and that doesn't change because I'm in a bad way. Hope I will be back to usual soon" - just something brief and on paper that she can read and re-read when you're being an arse, okay?
As for the rest... moving home is stressful. What can you do in terms of a 48-hour R&R pause? If you can do something not involving slivovic, that would be good...
Any other ways to get it out of your system? I'm thinking of short-term immediate de-stressing. Rock-climbing? yell your lungs out at a sports game? bloody yoga, I don't know. There has to be something you can exploit now as displacement, to move some of the huge churning stuff out away from your family.
The other thing I know in advance you're not going to like... go back to your doc and talk about meds. Not "ask for meds" but talk about meds, what they do, how they work. You accept that your brain has been re-wired to produce excess chemicals or an imbalance of chemicals in certain trigger situations, yes? So why not utilise one of the meds designed to limit the excess or to maintain the balance - I wonder about something like a beta-blocker (originally designed for use in heart patients, prevents your pulse rate going above a certain level so prevents part of the surges of stress hormones from bringing on that pounding pounding pounding in your head). Stress chemicals are hormones, same as insulin. If you developed diabetes and could no longer maintain your own natural insulin levels, you would be using the synthetic insulin, yes? This is just the same as diabetes but it's diabetes of the soul, so to speak...
Finally, just like early diabetes, there are things that can control the imbalances that aren't meds: the food you eat, the liquids you drink, the exercise you take, all that stuff. Probably not right now, though. Right now, you need to find a way to re-direct some of that churning power, you need to reassure your family and you need to have a long discussion about what meds are available and how they work.
Oh yeah, and vent on here :)
Yrs, A Harpy
And the others...
And I kinda like the idea of calling myself a "harpy" :)
Sounds to me like you're asking a lot of yourself and also that you're maybe setting your standards too high for now?
Like, going for a pizza in a crowded place, being stuck with your back to the door... that would seriously bother me, I know.But you demand of yourself that you do everything as normal? Tell me, if your leg was in a cast from hip to ankle, would you still be expecting yourself to run the marathon in your usual time?
You have a medical condition, man - get that into your head and start behaving like you have one. I know you don't like it, soldiers don't do "ill", I know. But you have, and you're stuck with it for the present, okay?
Maybe try and write a very brief note to your wife for marriage-saving purposes, not a whole long three-volume novel, just short factual "I love you and I know I'm not good right now. But still I love you and that doesn't change because I'm in a bad way. Hope I will be back to usual soon" - just something brief and on paper that she can read and re-read when you're being an arse, okay?
As for the rest... moving home is stressful. What can you do in terms of a 48-hour R&R pause? If you can do something not involving slivovic, that would be good...
Any other ways to get it out of your system? I'm thinking of short-term immediate de-stressing. Rock-climbing? yell your lungs out at a sports game? bloody yoga, I don't know. There has to be something you can exploit now as displacement, to move some of the huge churning stuff out away from your family.
The other thing I know in advance you're not going to like... go back to your doc and talk about meds. Not "ask for meds" but talk about meds, what they do, how they work. You accept that your brain has been re-wired to produce excess chemicals or an imbalance of chemicals in certain trigger situations, yes? So why not utilise one of the meds designed to limit the excess or to maintain the balance - I wonder about something like a beta-blocker (originally designed for use in heart patients, prevents your pulse rate going above a certain level so prevents part of the surges of stress hormones from bringing on that pounding pounding pounding in your head). Stress chemicals are hormones, same as insulin. If you developed diabetes and could no longer maintain your own natural insulin levels, you would be using the synthetic insulin, yes? This is just the same as diabetes but it's diabetes of the soul, so to speak...
Finally, just like early diabetes, there are things that can control the imbalances that aren't meds: the food you eat, the liquids you drink, the exercise you take, all that stuff. Probably not right now, though. Right now, you need to find a way to re-direct some of that churning power, you need to reassure your family and you need to have a long discussion about what meds are available and how they work.
Oh yeah, and vent on here :)
Yrs, A Harpy
