Mixed Feelings About A Former Co-worker's Death

[illusionist]

In the situation you describe and I knew the family..I would send a card to them before the funeral and pay them a personal visit once the funeral is over. People are very often inundated with support up to, and on the day of the funeral and then forgotten about thereafter. Maybe they would appreciate the support more when other people's support has dwindled.

 

[StarChild]

friend that made me promise to drink the finest Irish Whiskey and piss on his grave afterwards, so that we might share one last drink together.

:hilarious::roflmao::laugh: Bwahahahaha! Howling with laughter! That's simply awesome! :hilarious::roflmao::laugh:

And for you, dear @RussH, big J reminded me of the following, while reading your post: Luke 9:60 respectively Matthew 8:22. - Because it's not about the dead, but the living you should care now... And this includes you too, doesn't it? - And, I'd say, that what @Recovery4Me suggested sounds like a very honest, but also comforting solution for you and the ex-coworker's family and aquaintances:

When I have had that happen, I sent flowers to the funeral home in order to comfort those who attended

I will light a candle for you exclusively @RussH. :tup:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Russ I think you are feeling perfectly appropriate in not caring.

You do not have to go this and meet up with these people from your past. It sounds like it would be a very traumatic ezperience for you. you owe them nothing

I just would not show up at all and I would not send flowers nor would I send a card and visit them afterwards.

Take good care of you and protect yourself from this social function. It would be so awkward, persoanly I would freak out.

You do not have to go. I wish you the best with your decision and if you do go, protect yourself and be kind to yourself please.

 

[RussH]

this is an update to the original post. I learned yesterday that he committed suicide. I truly have mixed feelings about this; on the one hand the way he treated me wants me to say good riddance, on the other hand I feel sad that he was at such a point in life that he choose to take his own life. I wonder if there is anything I could have done to change the outcome?

As much as I didn't like him, and frequently thought that it would not hurt my feelings if he died, the reality of his death being self-inflicted leaves me sad.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

the reality of his death being self-inflicted leaves me sad.

That just shows you're human. As for if there was anything you could have done, it's a question that could haunt you forever as it haunts me. However, in your case since you didn't seem particularly close to him and you hadn't seen him in awhile, probably not. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I do hope you can find your way through your mixture of feelings on this.

 

[Ellabella44]

Then again if he bullied you, would he have even accepted any help from you. Be gentle with yourself on this.

 

[Anarchy]

Russ,
Sorry that you are struggling with ambivalence, over the death of Someone who treated you badly.

Can we explore the implications of it being suicide?

Clearly there was something overly perfectionist and critical in his management of self as well as of others. Something he couldn't find a way to satisfy.

You are here, like the rest of us, to heal, and to find new and constructive ways forward. Something that he could neither see nor it seems, ask others for help with finding.

Non of his faults,flaws or deficits are your responsibility.

There can be all sorts of reasons for going to a funeral. The funeral serves as a sort of act of closure. The person is gone and the ceremony shows that to everyone.

Some may be there to pay respects,
Some to catch up with other people
Some to dodge off work for half a day
Some people may even be there to see that the bastard goes in the hole and stays there.