J_trustno1
Diamond Member
Yes! It is my birthday, starting in 1 hr time at NZ time.
The story began on the day I was born where my father was unhappy at my birth because he wanted a "son" not a daughter. He felt miserable at my birth.
I used to wait for my birthday each year until I was 9 then I no longer waited for my birthday because on each birthday my father would create a huge fuss or argument with my mother. Or he would make me feel shit for not being "smart enough" and how I didn't do well in my mock exams or tests at Primary (we lived in India then). On my 10th birthday, close to diwali he strangled me because I asked him to bring "cottage cheese" from the market. He held a knife on my mum's throat.
On my 13th birthday I was unfortunately here in NZ. My birthday was celebrated at mum's narcissistic brother's restaurant with 50 people including relatives and his staff. He humiliated me on 13th birthday in front of everyone and called me a "donkey" for not being able to hold the cake knife correctly. Shit I can't control my tears :cry: :(.
On 14th birthday, there was more drama. Mum's younger sister refused to attend my birthday because she was "too busy" in her life and would rather have us celebrate according to time and date she is available.
On 15th birthday, my father was there. And you know, my birthday never that great when that man is there anyway. More arguments at home and fights.
I decided to not celebrate my 16th birthday because I hated the arguments and fights that happened at home. Sadly enough the bastard (mum's narcissistic bastard brother) I hate the most came to our house for lunch. When mum told him it's my birthday, he asked "Am I here for someone's funeral that that this place looks pathetic and ridiculous". According to him I was already dead on my birthday and he said some nasty shit in my language.
On 17th birthday, I didn't want to celebrate it again but mum's youngest sister insisted on coming and so did their bastard brother. It was hell and disastrous.
Ever since then, I stopped celebrating this day because it brought more hate, anxiety and unease to my life. I grew up hating my birthday and each year I cried for being born on this planet. Mum's middle sister (Pedophile's wife) and my grandparents would forcefully come to our house without invitation to give me birthday money as if I asked for it! I grew more and more hate for them and my birthday. My same father calls on my birthday every year just to show how much of a great father he is despite all the domestic abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse and providing us no financial support. He expects me to respect him despite all the hate he's given in my life.
Every year I cry on this day and feel like how much of a failure I am. I am 28 in less than an hour, but I feel like a failure because I don't have a career despite applying for too many bloody jobs, I don't have a relationship maybe I am ugly, and I have no f*cking plans for my future study. I am sitting here and analyzing what have I achieved or done in my life till now? My university mates (younger than me) or my age have successful careers, relationships, some have kids, and settled in life while I'm still that blood sucking leech who's not good at anything but being a burden on people be it this forum or at home.
I'm feeling shit right now. Please feel free to move this thread wherever you wish. Thanks for listening to my misery. I don't know how to love my birthday or myself on this day. I'm sitting here and feeling miserable. I've been on earth for 28 years in less than hour but done f*ckall in my life :cry: :cry: :depressed: :(. I'm a failure and a loser and no one would want me and I can't stop crying :(
P.S. I'm not writing this thread to get free birthday wishes or attention, it's just that I feel pathetic and horrible like I do each year on this day :( :cry: :cry: :(.
The story began on the day I was born where my father was unhappy at my birth because he wanted a "son" not a daughter. He felt miserable at my birth.
I used to wait for my birthday each year until I was 9 then I no longer waited for my birthday because on each birthday my father would create a huge fuss or argument with my mother. Or he would make me feel shit for not being "smart enough" and how I didn't do well in my mock exams or tests at Primary (we lived in India then). On my 10th birthday, close to diwali he strangled me because I asked him to bring "cottage cheese" from the market. He held a knife on my mum's throat.
On my 13th birthday I was unfortunately here in NZ. My birthday was celebrated at mum's narcissistic brother's restaurant with 50 people including relatives and his staff. He humiliated me on 13th birthday in front of everyone and called me a "donkey" for not being able to hold the cake knife correctly. Shit I can't control my tears :cry: :(.
On 14th birthday, there was more drama. Mum's younger sister refused to attend my birthday because she was "too busy" in her life and would rather have us celebrate according to time and date she is available.
On 15th birthday, my father was there. And you know, my birthday never that great when that man is there anyway. More arguments at home and fights.
I decided to not celebrate my 16th birthday because I hated the arguments and fights that happened at home. Sadly enough the bastard (mum's narcissistic bastard brother) I hate the most came to our house for lunch. When mum told him it's my birthday, he asked "Am I here for someone's funeral that that this place looks pathetic and ridiculous". According to him I was already dead on my birthday and he said some nasty shit in my language.
On 17th birthday, I didn't want to celebrate it again but mum's youngest sister insisted on coming and so did their bastard brother. It was hell and disastrous.
Ever since then, I stopped celebrating this day because it brought more hate, anxiety and unease to my life. I grew up hating my birthday and each year I cried for being born on this planet. Mum's middle sister (Pedophile's wife) and my grandparents would forcefully come to our house without invitation to give me birthday money as if I asked for it! I grew more and more hate for them and my birthday. My same father calls on my birthday every year just to show how much of a great father he is despite all the domestic abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse and providing us no financial support. He expects me to respect him despite all the hate he's given in my life.
Every year I cry on this day and feel like how much of a failure I am. I am 28 in less than an hour, but I feel like a failure because I don't have a career despite applying for too many bloody jobs, I don't have a relationship maybe I am ugly, and I have no f*cking plans for my future study. I am sitting here and analyzing what have I achieved or done in my life till now? My university mates (younger than me) or my age have successful careers, relationships, some have kids, and settled in life while I'm still that blood sucking leech who's not good at anything but being a burden on people be it this forum or at home.
I'm feeling shit right now. Please feel free to move this thread wherever you wish. Thanks for listening to my misery. I don't know how to love my birthday or myself on this day. I'm sitting here and feeling miserable. I've been on earth for 28 years in less than hour but done f*ckall in my life :cry: :cry: :depressed: :(. I'm a failure and a loser and no one would want me and I can't stop crying :(
P.S. I'm not writing this thread to get free birthday wishes or attention, it's just that I feel pathetic and horrible like I do each year on this day :( :cry: :cry: :(.
