Mother issues - Advice on how to survive till I can get away from her & why I don’t believe myself?

[Smile]

I understand.
It's far easier (initially) to turn all that anger, shame, trauma, responsibility, inward to ourselves. Gives us some form of control if we're responsible for the trauma we suffered.
And right now, it might not be safe to actually direct that anger towards your abusers of you are living with one of them. But you can still learn to not be angry at yourself and learn compassion for yourself.

Do you have a T?

I can't imagine what it must be like to have these memories resurface and to be faced with living with that person . Really hard situation you are in.

I don't know how easy it is to get out. Or avoid her. Or maybe have some form of dialogue with her (not to explain or ask about the memories, but to say you need space - is that something she would hear or just ignore?)
Can you think of things that might help just a little?

I do have a T who is simply marvelous.
T gives me grounding techniques.