Supporter Mother Of 9yr Old Diagnosed With Ptsd- And Still Exposed To Trauma

[Mamabear73]

I left my ex over 6 years ago, with overwhelming concerns for my daughter. There were red flags with his behavior and hers... But no proof.

Despite much efforts to protect her, he was granted visitation . Last November, she began to disclose her abuse. Making these disclosures has been extremely hard for her. She is stifled by fear, shame and anxiety. CPS has only made matters worse. Every time a report has been made, her father is contacted. During the past year, I stopped making her go on visits. After that he filed contempt charges & for modification of custody. He has filed enough contempt charges against me to qualify as felony. The visits resumed when I was warned by our judge & attorney that if we don't have enough proof I would be jailed & her custody would go to him. We did manage to get visits "supervised", but it is by her paternal aunt, who is reportedly not completely doing so. My daughter recently disclosed details of the abuse to her half sister(23) , the oldest daughter of her father. She reported to CPS . My daughter stated to caseworker "dad sexually abuses me" but no more. CpS contacted me Friday to say they are closing the case!

I am so frustrated. I am beginning to recognize symptoms of secondary trauma in myself. My little girl is terrified to tell because it will get back to him through the authorities. She doesn't trust, feels many don't believe her&lacks hope. She has stomach pain, picks holes in her skin& re-enacts. She does receive treatment & has a great therapist who has been very active in trying to help her.

I welcome your prayers & suggestions.

 

[elisabeth]

Praying!

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Praying with you.

I'm so sorry Mamabear. I'm so sorry!

 

[Mamabear73]

Thank you <3

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

And welcome to the forum. There is a lot of support here. Anytime.

 

[Echo]

I am so sorry. Is there any way a professional therapist can diagnose your daughter and stand as expert witness or send a report to the CPS? It can't be allowed to continue, particularly after your daughter has had the strength and trust to speak out. Thinking of you. x

 

[scout86]

I'm going to assume that you're telling the truth and we're getting the whole story. I only say that because I know custody battles can get ugly and otherwise decent people sometimes do extreme things in an attempt to "win".

You mentioned your attorney. That's where you need to start. You need to find out what kind of "proof" they need, then get them the proof. You (or maybe your attorney would be better) need to find out why CPS is closing the case. Seems to me the testimony of your daughter and her therapist ought to be enough to get a requirement that visits be supervised. I guess this somewhat depends on where you live.

Your first obligation is to your kid.

It can't be allowed to continue, particularly after your daughter has had the strength and trust to speak out. Thinking of you. x

 

[Mamabear73]

Thanks Echo. She was diagnosed by a psychiatrist at the clinic where she receives therapy, October 2013. She has seen the same therapist there for over 2 yrs ( only began to trust her enough to speak out after a year of sessions with her). Her therapist has advocated for her since that time& will be at the upcoming trial.

Scout, I could not possibly tell you "the whole story" in one post. It has been years in the making. While I appreciate your giving me the benefit of the doubt , it is hurtful that you would even say such a thing. I understand your point, but it would NEVER occur to me to question whether the details of life that you ( or anyone ) share here are true. I am a mother who is storm worn, with a daughter that has been hurt, is hurting and is still subjected to the perpetrator on a regular basis. I came here seeking feedback & emotional support from others dealing with their child's PTSD, insight from those personally affected(to better understand my little girl) and advice with some related issues, ones I can't find an answer for.

I was awarded primary custody of my daughter in 2009. When her disclosures began in 2013, I had no means for an attorney. I would never accuse any one of something so heinous without overwhelming cause. For years, I struggled to find any other explanation for what appeared to be going on. To this day, I do not discuss things with or in front of my daughter, except when she brings it up. It is tormenting not to tell her to "go tell" but I can't risk being accused of "leading her".

Unfortunately, of the small percentage of false accusations that occur, most are custody related. These make it incredibly hard to prove those that are true. And incredibly hard to escape abuse. But most unbelievable to me, is that anyone would willingly subject their child or self to this process. It is far more likely that they would turn a blind eye(I do believe there is a much higher rate of that occurring). I can't believe anyone would CHOOSE to go through this.

 

[Leanne1]

My mom looked he other way, and after I told, continued to let it happen.

I know that your being there for your daughter, fighting for her, and getting her the help she needs is making a world of difference for her.

I hope the upcoming trial goes well and the next step is to press charges.

 

[billie]

Thinking of your daughter. Hang in there...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I understand that parents can fabricate things in a custody dispute. (I'm not questioning your story.) What can't be fabricated is a diagnosis by a professional. It's one thing for a child to simply tell a story. Its a completely different story when the child is showing symptoms of trauma. A child doesn't know enough to be able to fake PTSD symptoms. (Even adults who try to fake it are often revealed as frauds because you simply cannot fake certain symptoms.) My point in saying all of this is that the testimony of your child's doctors is of utmost importance.

Stay strong for the sake of your daughter and continue to fight like hell. She needs you more than you'll ever know.

Edited...
I'd be disgusted if he was able to continue with supervised visitation. Imagine a rape victim being forced to see her rapist on a weekly basis. That is cruel and unusual punishment.

 

[Notsowild]

CPS never helped me and my sisters when we were being abused by our father. I went in foster care at 16 but CPS kept my younger sisters at home. They were eventually abused too and my younger sister has cerebral palsy. So awful.

So keep fighting for your daughter! You don't want her to live through what I did. Could you get a lawyer or legal aid?