Mother's day

[Muttly]

I did a search, and didn't find any recent posts so thought I might start one. It's that time of year again (in the US) for the Mother's Day holiday. I thought people might need a place to get support or vent.

hmm.... I guess I should start since I am making the thread, but words aren't coming easy. Lots of nightmares and sleep disruption.

 

[ladee]

I had a decent mom. She died two days after Mothers Day. Miss her more every year.

 

[VioletButterfly]

My mom died in January. I think I've just started to grieve although I think I have been all the way along due to her Dx. She had Alzheimer's. I've been having horrible nightmares about my mom of late, along with some of the others in my life who have mistreated me. She was one of my main abusers and the primary alcoholic in my life (had a 3rd husband that way as well). The relationship and life for me is all very complicated, confusing, and convoluted. I can't go any further than that today as it isn't safe right now.

 

[Nessa7]

My mom isn't actively bad. She just doesn't care.

I bought my mom $2 worth of scratch off lottery tickets to put in a card to mail to her. I usually base how much effort I make off of how much of an effort she makes for my grandma's birthday, which is at the beginning of the month. She did acknowledge it about a week and a half later, but I think I'm just going to give her a perfume sample. It would cost $20 if I were to buy it at the store, and she doesn't need to know that it was free.

I'm obviously still upset about having something huge going on in my life that she has zero interest in, and this is how I'm choosing to deal with it.

 

[Lionheart]

As many of you already know, I lost my mom on April 28th this year to COPD...Mothers Day will be really tuff this year!!! We still need to gather up and go through her personal belongings....It will be an emotional day for me and mine.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had a full blown alcoholic mom with Narcissism. She was killed in a plane crash when I was nineteen years old so many years ago. I dealt with how much I loved her in therapy but did not deal with the Narcissim. Now I am slowly doing that. Bad mom to me. My sibs got the best of her, but there were moments when it was good before she finally got so bad with the drinking. I remember driving with her while she was so very drunk and she was falling asleep at the wheel so never experienced a good mothers day with her ever. Kind of glad my kids never met her. Kind of glad that she did not interfere in my family or marriage. But I have missed having my mom as well. Go figure.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@gizmo - sending note.

 

[scout86]

I've got to ask this, I guess. Is there anyone else here who feels nothing for their mother at all? Mine died a couple years ago. Could have been any random, scary old lady who lived in the neighborhood where I grew up. (She DID live in the neighborhood where I grew up, of course.)

I know that makes me some kind of monster, but I'm wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

I've got to ask this, I guess. Is there anyone else here who feels nothing for their mother at all?

I feel very *STRONGLY* this does not even make you close to a "monster". Also, I'm fairly certain I feel nothing for mine but disdain (still had to live in the house with her. Oh Joy.) Wish I were able to share more details, but will refrain for now.

As many of you already know, I lost my mom on April 28th this year to COPD

Continued condolences to you and I am so heartened that you felt loved and seen. Sending support to you prior to this difficult weekend! Still grateful for your support in my own time of need!!!

 

[Deanna]

I've got to ask this, I guess. Is there anyone else here who feels nothing for their mother at all? Min...

That would be me. I could care- less if my mom lands in a ditch, face up! :)

 

[scout86]

I could care- less if my mom lands in a ditch, face up! :)

See, that kind of sounds like anger, to me. Maybe it's not. I don't hate her, or blame her, or anything either. Just nothing.

 

[LadyZane]

I've always hated family holidays mostly due to my mother. I went NC with her about 6-7 years ago, and then over the past few years have been showing up at select family events where she would be, mostly for the sake of a very old step-relative who passed away a few months ago. I wasn't close to that person, but they were always very nice to me and my husband and we both felt it was important to keep up with them. Now that that person is gone, I feel zero obligation to show up at family events, but my sporadic presence over the last few years seems to have encouraged my mom, who definitely plays the stalwart martyr role in this no-contact thing. She'll mewl that she loves me, look for any excuse to f*cking touch me (i absolutely hate it) and do backhanded things like invite me to her house loudly in front of other people so I have to look "rude" saying no or ignoring the remark.

My brother is 10 years younger than me and doesn't get it at all. When I first went NC with her, he berated me via text about what a coward I was for avoiding her. I told him it wasn't his choice, it wasn't my concern whether or not he understood my decision, and if I was really as spineless as he said I was, wouldn't I be giving up and doing what HE wanted me to do? He seems over it, but he'll still needle me about it. Texted me a few days inviting me to our mom's for mother's day (she would never do it herself) and then when I said my husband and I would be staying home, he responds with "Awwww, why?" As if he doesn't know. I just didn't answer.

Sigh. I wonder if I can just walk up and down my street on mother's day, look for a family that seems to be having a nice time together, and ask them if they'll adopt me??? (jk, i'm 38, ha)