Mouses Mental Imagery

[mouse]

WARNING: If you plan on submitting your own mental imagery interview for assessment, DO NOT read the proceeding first, instead fill out your own interview first, then read these, so your current mental image is not skewed, resulting in a possible inaccurate emotional state being returned to you.

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road? it is earth colored
Q2. What texture is the road?it is like a trail through the fields, but rocky in places and then sandy dirt in other places.
Q3. How solid is the road? it is well rutted in places with deep dips and then it becomes more stable like the field

You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

Q4. How do you cross the river? I walk through it slowly
Q5. What does the water look like? it is dark, but clear and it is white and foamy in places where it hits rocks
Q6. How fast is the water current? it is enough that you feel against your body and you have to fight it in order not to fall over
Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what? Just the rocks that are in there other wise it is muddy bottomed

You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

Q8. What colour is the house? it is worn logs
Q9. What condition is the house in? old but in good condition, for its age, well kept yard
Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who? I live in the house with my husband and Tara

We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

Q11. What colour is the cup? it is a stainless steel cup
Q12. What condition is the cup in? worn and dented but no holes
Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? black muddy like liquid almost like tar.

You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail? It is a figure in a hooded black trench coat. who ever it is is silent but dangerous looking, holding a book but I don't know what book it is and everytime I try to move to the side it blocks my way, but the head is hung low and does not look me in the face, so I don't know who it is or what sex even or if it is human.
Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle? I see a horse standing in a field with a saddle on, behind I see green rolling hills, more of the road/ trail deep blue sky, white snow covered mountains

 

[mouse]

// Start Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

// End Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

#1 I think that the road is Earthy becauase I like simple things not fancy just the bare minimums , Perhaps its a represnentation that I feel used an tread al over by others.
#2 I think that it conveys loneliness and strength to cary on but there are harsh times that will and have created hard armour like the rocks to protect myself and then sand would represent my vulnerability
#3 the ruts are the abuse and negative things that have pilled up they have beaten me down and I have let it create huge holes in my well being but then I with determination become old reliable again and things even out for me less desperation feelings and more strong survivor skills.
#4 I have never shied away from a challenge and will attack it head on but cautiously as I dont want to get hurt anymore.
#5 It is an indication of how i feel in general I can see what my problems are but I feel so far underneath the weight of them that it a very hard time right now.
#6 Don't know yet
#7 I have no emotion as to why it is muddy, maybe just plain uncertain of the future, and somewhat wary that it will trap me.
#8 another tie to factthat i feel simple things are the best it makes me feel comfortable.
#9. once again that feeling of safety and security, of a well kept home
#10 happiness safety, hope
#11 not sure, Hardiness
#12 beat but not completly broken the pain what has happend to me but did not completly overwhelm me yet
#13 This scares me but I don't know why just am very unsure of the contents
#14 my distrust of people in general I feel like everyone is out to get me and, the book is my life maybe I am afraid or sha;ll I say blocked by the shame that the book ( my past) holds and that the figure means nothing just the book and its contents about my past and the very fact that I feel such shame, guilt and want no-one to know about me and what has happend to me.
#15. hope for the future that it could be ok one day and the horse is gonna carry me through the horse is happiness, pure almost like happy as a child should be.

 

[anthony]

You feel confusion within life, have emotions towards an employment situation, and feel severe past trauma with severe present difficulty navigating life. You have trust towards intimate relationships, which you often approach hastily, though are aware of past or present deception. You have a sexual preoccupation, possibly even victimization, and keep a deep secret about intimate relations. You have a good self esteem, though are possibly in denial regarding your past, and even present support systems. You value commitment and are aware of past hurt. You show commitment towards someone, or something, other than your partner, which causes you a paralysis effect, suspected by fear. You know this love of someone or something, other than your partner, is not good for you. You feel severely victimized by a male figure that contains a sexual preoccupation, and you see a bright and prosperous future ahead of you.

 

[mouse]

Anthony,
most of this seems very accurate however I can not help but say that I feel that as far as the self esteem thing went you are wrong I believe that my self esteem is very poor, very accurate in the denial about the past as I still have things that I am in denial about. The sexual preoccupation is right on with victimization as I have a very difficult time being intimate now. I can't help but think the unhealthy love I have would be for my job, and as things are going right now it is very hard on me emotionally and physically. All in all this was very good to do Thank you Anthony.

 

[anthony]

You under estimate yourself mouse with your own self esteem. Maybe you are lacking a little confidence at present, but your overall self esteem is high, and I dare say it is that way because of the job you do, being EMS. Break or not from that job, if someone fell over, your confidence would be high, your ability to help that person immediately. This is just one aspect, but you definately show a high self esteem mouse from your imagery, not poor.

Maybe more one of those thinking vs. believing things again? You think you have a poor self esteem, but your subconscious believes you have a high self esteem, because that is what is represented from mental imagery, your subconscious state.

 

[mouse]

feeling really down lets see what that says

// Start The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road?
Paved grey in color dark grey
Q2. What texture is the road?
The road is new and the pavement is fresh black top almost
Q3. How solid is the road?
The Road is new it seems very solid and straight

You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

Q4. How do you cross the river?
There is a bridge it looks worn and slightly dangerous but I cross it anyways, the bridge is manila rope and planks that are rotting
Q5. What does the water look like?
It is very foamy and lots of white from hitting the rocks where it seems still it is dark blue almost black
Q6. How fast is the water current?
It is very fast causing rapids that I would notwant to kayak in very fast
Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?
There are large sharp boulders and dead trees everywhere except the main route of the river which is clear and fast

You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

Q8. What colour is the house?
Dark maybe brown cedear siding
Q9. What condition is the house in?
It is in poor condition and something says that it is not safe to go in there, the door is hanging off by a hinge, I should find a way around if possible
Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?
Cabn not see anyone but have an uneasy feeling that it is not safe to be around, that there is something evil-maybe just unsettling about the house

We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

Q11. What colour is the cup?
It is a china cup with a blue pattern on it
Q12. What condition is the cup in?
It is broken and un-useable
Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what?
Nothing, but it is stained with a rust, red color I have no intereast to find out what it contained

You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?
It is a hole, it is very deep and dark and extends all the way across the road I have no way of going around as the trees have overgrown and created a chute that funnels you towardsthe hole and it is too big to step over it and there is no room to go around
Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?
More dead and overgrown trees, a pathway through them that looks twisty and full of turns its like the trees have overgrown and are creating an arch over the path that completely blocks out the sun that had been shinning

// End The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //

 

[mouse]

// Start Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

// End Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

The road is paved and new and flat headed to a destination , it is freshly painted with the no passing zone markings clear there is no hills no curves, maybe what I would like my ideal life to be like it is solid and sturdy hopefully that instills trust in the traveller.

then we hit the water and the bridge it is rickity and dangerous the handles are that prickly manila rope and the boards are rotten in fact some have already broken through maybe the problems in life tha one experiences and the way we still try to move forward even when it is dangerous, the water is very turbulant like my life and full of rocks and dead trees maybe they are dead issues that I dont want to deal with it is foamy and then deep, maybe the path through the middle is the only safe way to go but I have to make it past the rapids first
Next is the house It is hard to explain it is old and run down but something tells me dont go near itI believe thqat it is empty right now but soon someone will return and I do not want to be there when that happens
Next is the cup it has a beautiful pattern on it but it is stained and chipped at one time it must have meant something to its owner, but know there is a stained red rust colored dried stain in it that is unnerving to me like the house.
The hole is my issues in life and I see no way around them it scares me that the hole is so deep and it seems that the only way to go is forward into the hole, But I do not know if I can ever get out of it so I stand and look down the edge of it , it smells of dew and mold and earth.
The other side is filled with dead overhanging trees telling methat even if I do get out of the hole I have a lot to make it through in irder to see the light again and I dont know how far that is.

 

[anthony]

You feel confusion about a secret of sexual nature. Life is a struggle for you at present, and certainly comes with its ups and downs. You are not trusting within intimacy, quick to get involved likely for the attention. You are aware of your poor support systems, feel depreciated even as a result, hence you very low self esteem. You highly value commitment and feel you are healing in this area even though you feel you have suffered victimization of a sexual nature. Your life’s biggest problem is the feeling you have fallen into a situation or predicament in regards to the secrets you keep in relation to sexual abuse you have endure, that involve a male person who you see within a position of power or authority to control you, thus you see no hope for the future at this time.

Mouse, I have cut this down to the bare minimum, because let me be honest here; your subconscious is totally preoccupied with a male person who has sexually abused, molested or raped you that you have remained secretive about. Now I started to wonder about your past, so I went back and reread your diary, and to my surprise, the only person you had mentioned up until yesterday was your uncle in relation to sexual abuse. Your last post yesterday suddenly mentioned another male person, who your uncle brought into his abuse of you, which you only have stated that he performed oral sex on your uncle whilst watching your uncle rape and molest you.

Mouse, did this other male also rape or molest you, force you to perform the same things as per your uncle upon this male? (Blunt, yes) I somehow see this pattern within your imagery that this is the case, unless you are keeping a secret about something else your uncle did to you, but I doubt that alone could cause this much distress, because those aspects in general are not secretive anymore.

 

[mouse]

I have a real trouble remember the rapes that involved other people as I have not ot a lot of recognition of them and to be honest I have no absoulute no idea who they are as the faces are very shadowy and I do not recognize them I did not hold back the info about the other person as I suddenly just got a flashback of it happening and then it all seemed so real, Now I dont know if I was just there to make the two of them et oing or if I was a required member in the acts they commited, I have to admit that talking about this aspect has created some deep seated anger and suicidal ideations and feelins of the need to self harm, thank od that I am at work and that can preoccupy my mind ratherthan remeber what a disgustin contributor and dirty role that I played. I feel used and I feel worthless not to mention the fact that I can not shake the visions and as mentioned earlier the physical pain. Also I have begun looking into charging my uncle with rape but at present I am not ready or able to do it, just getting all the facts in order

 

[anthony]

Mouse, I removed your most recent imagery, as its not required from you at this time because you haven't dealt with what you have already found and surfaced. It still exists, you just can't see it, thats all. You need to deal with your current problems mouse, because your imagery still only shows the same issues, portrayed in a different angle.

 

[mouse]

Anthony,
Now that some time has past I can see clearer what you were saying Yes I am totaly obssesed with My uncle and his Monster friends there were several male people that were involved in my rapes and I am very much stuck on these men and there identities I will never know who they were, but the fact that there were that many sick people involved in the same acts make me sick.

I am feeling like my support system my hubby is lacking as he keeps telling me that he understands and is here for me yet he isnt and always finds ways of being gone or convienently not around when I need him or when the dr.s want to talk to him, as far as Intamcy goes it is an issue that is becoming a large problem Iam intereasted in trying to be intimate but my hubby seems to not be intereasted, however I am worried that I will upset him if we are intimate because I will have a flashback . I have begun to do some digging and have discovered while I am the only one heraped my uncle diid touch my other cousins in inappropriate ways, it makes charging easier, just havent been able to give detailed statement and not sure when i will. Now that my Uncle has moved to Hawaii I feel some sense of relief but I still worry tht he will one day show up and I will have to confront him face to face again because ican not hold back my emotions any more. I have gotten to a place that I am no longer coping and have resorted to my old habits of repressing and denial as well as avoiding people and things that remind me or place me in similar positions

 

[anthony]

Mouse, lets be honest here, don't be too hard on yourself just yet ha! You have suffered an endless amount of shit in your childhood mouse, you are a victim, and here you are now pulling it all back up too deal with. Give yourself some serious credit for the work your doing on yourself. You really are quite inspirational mouse, especially to others looking in at you, the work you are doing, the progress you are making. Look at the positives, and use them to help you along through your journey.

Now, have you discussed intimacy with your husband? Because you are ready, and you say he doesn't want it, does he know you want to try? Does he know exactly what you want in regard to the beginning of getting back into intimacy? Does he know how he must help you to become more comfortable? He is not a mind reader, please remember this, and you will need to guide him the entire way until you are really comfortable. If sex has been taken out of your lives for some time, he will also be uncomfortable now, he will be embarrassed, he will be scared of whether he may hurt you emotionally. There is more to this than just you... and this takes much discussion, trial and error between you both. You must both participate though, not just one or the other, and a lot of talk from you both, a lot of reassurance from you both, so that each knows to continue.