Moving is kind of my coping mechanism. Even before the PTSD, starting over was my safety blanket. At 19 I had ended my first serious relationship and dropped out of university and had no idea what I was doing with my life, so I moved to new zealand for 8 months, then went traveling in SE asia. When I returned I went back to school, did a 2 year diploma, then got freaked out because I was entering into a dying industry with no jobs and ended up moving to Turkey. After nearly two years there I went travelling around the middle east, and that's where I was attacked. I thought I was completely fine at first. I even started a relationship with a guy in Israel and planned to move there to live with him. When that ended I was a wreck, so I moved back with my parents for a month to sort things out. Even then my PTSD symptoms had not really started.
A very good friend of mine was moving to another province, and asked if I wanted to come with her, I said yes and started all over again in the city I'm living in now. Days after we moved into our house my PSTD symptoms started in full. Those first two months were horrible. But, slowly, I started to be able to function again. I told my roommate what I was experiencing, and that helped me to get out of bed regularly. Once that happened, I found a job and started to build my life back up. Then I started at university, and was lucky enough to meet a really great group of people. I now have a fairly large group of friends. I have a few friends that feel like family. I like my job, I love what I'm studying, and I feel happy that I've really built a life for myself here and that I feel like it's my home. Of course I still struggle and have weeks on end where I can't get out of bed, but for me, every time I've started over, it's been a really positive experience where I've grown a huge amount.
Having said that, it is not easy. For me, it kind of is because I've developed a routine for starting over. I moved around A LOT as a kid, and so from a very early age I got into the habit of meeting people, making new friends, getting into a routine with new activities. I'm 25 and I've completely started over in a new place nine times now (most of those were moving to a different continent), and aside from the most recent move, I didn't have any real emotional baggage to take with me (not compared to now anyways). I don't know if I'm explaining this at all, but I think what I'm trying to say is that starting new is just a skill that you can learn like anything else. I've had a lot of practice, so I think it's relatively easy for me. But, even aside from the PTSD, this has been the hardest move for me because it's the first time that I've truly settled down somewhere. I'm going to university and starting on an actual long-term career path (something that always terrified me before). I've got more ties here and I've set down more roots here than I ever have, so for me, this move was not about running, it was about finally facing my fears of committing to something and actually seeing how something turns out rather than keeping the option open to bail at the first sign of trouble.
Like kers said, you have to look at what you're running away from, and look at what you're running to. I found that starting over here allowed me to actually feel emotions from my attack. It wasn't until I was here that I started feeling, and while that lead to feeling my PTSD, I feel fairly certain that if I had kept on suppressing it like I had been doing, it would be even worse than it is. Starting over also allowed me to find focus again on what I really want. I actually have a career plan now! It is also fairly liberating to be able to get away from what people knew of you before hand. Very, very few people here know of my attack, and only two know that I have PTSD. It allows me to feel like once I get my symptoms fully under control (which I'm hoping is possible), I'll have a life here that isn't connected to my PTSD or my trauma. But, there's no way in hell that I could have done this without the support of my friend that I moved here with. She was one of my closest friends, and recognized right away, before I even did, that something was seriously wrong. I hope you have someone to support you now, and that you can stay in touch if you decide to move.
A very good friend of mine was moving to another province, and asked if I wanted to come with her, I said yes and started all over again in the city I'm living in now. Days after we moved into our house my PSTD symptoms started in full. Those first two months were horrible. But, slowly, I started to be able to function again. I told my roommate what I was experiencing, and that helped me to get out of bed regularly. Once that happened, I found a job and started to build my life back up. Then I started at university, and was lucky enough to meet a really great group of people. I now have a fairly large group of friends. I have a few friends that feel like family. I like my job, I love what I'm studying, and I feel happy that I've really built a life for myself here and that I feel like it's my home. Of course I still struggle and have weeks on end where I can't get out of bed, but for me, every time I've started over, it's been a really positive experience where I've grown a huge amount.
Having said that, it is not easy. For me, it kind of is because I've developed a routine for starting over. I moved around A LOT as a kid, and so from a very early age I got into the habit of meeting people, making new friends, getting into a routine with new activities. I'm 25 and I've completely started over in a new place nine times now (most of those were moving to a different continent), and aside from the most recent move, I didn't have any real emotional baggage to take with me (not compared to now anyways). I don't know if I'm explaining this at all, but I think what I'm trying to say is that starting new is just a skill that you can learn like anything else. I've had a lot of practice, so I think it's relatively easy for me. But, even aside from the PTSD, this has been the hardest move for me because it's the first time that I've truly settled down somewhere. I'm going to university and starting on an actual long-term career path (something that always terrified me before). I've got more ties here and I've set down more roots here than I ever have, so for me, this move was not about running, it was about finally facing my fears of committing to something and actually seeing how something turns out rather than keeping the option open to bail at the first sign of trouble.
Like kers said, you have to look at what you're running away from, and look at what you're running to. I found that starting over here allowed me to actually feel emotions from my attack. It wasn't until I was here that I started feeling, and while that lead to feeling my PTSD, I feel fairly certain that if I had kept on suppressing it like I had been doing, it would be even worse than it is. Starting over also allowed me to find focus again on what I really want. I actually have a career plan now! It is also fairly liberating to be able to get away from what people knew of you before hand. Very, very few people here know of my attack, and only two know that I have PTSD. It allows me to feel like once I get my symptoms fully under control (which I'm hoping is possible), I'll have a life here that isn't connected to my PTSD or my trauma. But, there's no way in hell that I could have done this without the support of my friend that I moved here with. She was one of my closest friends, and recognized right away, before I even did, that something was seriously wrong. I hope you have someone to support you now, and that you can stay in touch if you decide to move.
