I'm a little depressed and I just told someone else I have cancer. I wish I hadn't because the person I told is more a friend of my wife's but she mentioned a cancer benefit and I said it. She's the closest thing we have to a friend of the family.
Ok so here we go again. I'm scared naturally. We have a late afternoon doctor appointment tomorrow with the surgeon. Surgeons wanna cut but my urologist assures me they aren't as quick to cut as they were.
We will go and see. He says what he says. It has not been bad at all in the run up meaning I'm not any more or less anxious or depressed than usual.
I did have a couple things like this one time my wife did something and I thought "she's doing that because I have cancer."
That made me feel bad but it didn't last.
I realised I was very sure of her. That surprised me a little.
I got the best possible news and I get to go on "closely monitoring" the situation and this guy takes over because he's the expert. (Robotic prostate removal surgeon.) OK, that was what I wanted him to say.
I didn't want to expect good news but it's good news.
Of the patients that go this route 60% end up having the prostate removed because the cancer gets more aggressive. But the other 40% make it and never have to have anything done.
Pretty good odds.
He said how did I feel because some guys will say "it's cancer take it out" which is understandable but maybe not the best way.
I said I'm happy to wait.
So psa level checks and rectal exams every 3 months and a biopsy a year.
I'm aware of it though and I'm always thinking about it and naturally it's about sex because I'm thinking about "that area."
It's a little uncomfortable and under everything I feel a little sick whatever that means and because of my spine and arthritis I'm in a considerable amount of pain, always.
The thing about the idea of "passive suicideality"
Is it's a lot different when your older. I mean it's only a matter of time anyway and how's that time going to be? Lots of doctors and hospitals? That's if you're lucky.
I like doctors and hospitals. I knew the spinal surgeon wanted to give me a hug and I wanted to give her one? You always wonder with girls how they feel about you? I met this woman once and I thought she was flirting with me. You always wonder info they are like that with all men.
I couldn't help notice she was very careful to press herself against me. It wasn't a stand offish, turn the cheek and peck kinda thing at all.
So the spinal surgeon says I can get spinal injections and that's next. I wouldn't let them do it for years mostly because I preferred to try and wheedle pain killers out of them which I do now and again but I can't get them often enough and I'm not sure I want to.
They work for me but it's too much trouble. If I got addicted again ever I'd go back in the detox, I liked it. My insurance won't pay for a nice one but it beats drying out at home.
September will be here fast. Meanwhile I have a physical next week. It'll be good to see PDoc.
Here we go, I got the email this morning the appointment is on the 23rd. I'm on the outs with my wife and everything is a mess. This is all I need and I have not been feeling well, my symptoms increased since the biopsy. A lot.
I've had the shots and I'm on daily pain meds. I take Turmeric for inflammation, since my kidneys won't tolerate NSAIDS. I have percoset for when the pain gets really bad, but I have a hard time deciding whether I want to feel like crap from the percoset, or feel like crap for the pain. My pain doc has offered to change it to something else, but I declined, since I don't want something that I would like, if you know what I mean.
Can you see a pain doc on top of this surgeon? They might have other ideas. Best of luck to you.