Dom Violence My Abuser Demands Apology From Me

[watundah]

I agree w @She Cat . This is about making him feel better and getting attention. Until you cut communications, you aren't really divorced. I know kids complicate things but this is keeping them in the war, too. Let it go, let him go. The folks close to you know the truth. No one else matters.

 

[Gs172003]

Nope!

I've only been in 2 abusive relationships. The bloke before him? I'd have believed. He had done a...

What the hell!?? And they wonder why abuse is so freaking rambid. They get by with it.
I have told you all I've been married three times back to back then waited a while and STILL messed up. This one is at least trying to get better. The first one disowned the oldest and told her she was "ruined". I wasn't allowed money unless it was my own and it was left over after my part of the bills. I made 3.80/hour working 20 hours per week. He made 18 working 40+. You do the math. He was a control freak. Even HE was better than #2.
But what took the cake was when I left the second one, #2 called me and actually asked for visitation rights with my kids. NONE OF THEM WERE HIS.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

My ex was abusive to me for over 20 years....

Oh hell yeah, that is exactly what an abuser acts like. My ex has tried over and over to turn my son against me and I know for a fact that he has spread the ugliest rumors about me. None of them true of course, especially considering that he has mentally abused me for well over 20 years, cut off physical relations with that guy for years because I knew what was going on.

Then there are stalkers that are walking around, males that are engaging with prostitutes, who will call me a desperate, forlorn woman that came on to them. It is just so outrageously stupid when you learn that. And these people have done this crap to me for over 7 years now.

While they do the wrong they attack the good person, that is how an abuser ticks.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

Thanks, everyone. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced this as well but feel better I'm not alone. Then I feel bad that I feel better I'm not alone. Is that messed up? lol Someone very close to me recently gave me an epiphany. "My ex is insane." I try to not use that word lightly. In this case it makes perfect sense.

I hope this isn't disrespectful but when I look back at my marriage, it feels like I was trapped in an insane asylum with the insane one (my ex) running the asylum convincing me that I was crazy and unstable. I shut down emotionally in order to cope and survive. At times I thought I was crazy but it was "just" the years of gaslighting from him. I'm so thankful I finally "woke up" and got out of it. He still tries it and sometimes I almost get caught up in the crap again. Like his claiming I never tried hard enough to make the marriage work. I gave over twenty years of my life trying to make it work. I finally saw him for what he is and couldn't stomach being with him anymore.

We are two different sides of a coin - maybe even different coins! lol Since I got the help I needed, I see through his crap more and more. It seems the trick is to not let it get to me and to not give him any power over me. Not easy but I'm getting better at it with each day.

 

[Anarchy]

Bingo!

 

[Anarchy]

(your ex, not you)

WTF did the edit button disappear to?

 

[velvetheart]

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

My ex was abusive to me for over 20 years....

Actually not being able to apologize is just another symptom of their personality disorder whether it be narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. They cannot accept any criticism or blame and therefore project their bad behavior onto others.
Yes I am just getting out of a 5 year relationship with a personality disordered person who at 57 is into his 8th year living with his parents because he is so irresponsible in every way and needs them to literally parent him daily. I thought he just needed a friend to help him see how happy he could be if he could overcome his demons. I have learned that his parents are very cruel controlling people who hate pretty much everyone including most of the partners of their 7 children. I realized his childhood had to have been very difficult due to the fact the kids were all only one year apart. His parents are fake Christians who likely made the children BEHAVE and SAY SORRY so much that he always tells me to behave and say sorry. In 5 years he has never said sorry even though all of our fights are a result of his or his families cruelty. Truly these people are hopeless. And it is disgusting that they try to make us out to be the ones who misbehaved...lol...can you imagine in your mid fifties talking like that as if your partner was under 12 years old. I imagine that there was severe trauma for him at that age. Anyways I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE ANYMORE.
Ive read enough of these stories to realize this is only going to get worse.

 

[Sunshineturtle]

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

My ex was abusive to me for over 20 years....

I am not only a survivor, but I am now a CERTIFIED TRAINER in the safe and together model which is the model used in child welfare and with domestic violence advocates... yes, this is common. It is, unfortunately just another manipulative, controlling, abusive tactic. Do not let him into your head. It is what he is trying to do. He has list control which is what it is all about for a perpetrator. Be safe. Listen to your gut. If you believe that he may harm you, listen to that feeling and make a safety plan around that. You know what he is capable of. You know what he is like. Be safe. Do not let him make you feel responsible for his behavior. He is responsible for his behavioral choices, not you. Do not own his choices. Be strong. Be safe.