My Anger Monster

[blueangel371115]

I'm trying to find a better way to deal with my anger. Though I never hurt anyone, nor would I, sometimes I feel like it's killing me. That's why I started drinking. I wanted to be completely numb and not care. I wanted my mind to stop. Does anyone have any tips or positive ways to deal with this. Sometimes the 'deep breaths and count to ten' thing just doesn't work.

 

[Abrasky]

I use to not have any anger. I was very calm. Then as I started to get into therapy more and more anger came up, until the last year, where it has gone to volcano proportions. I go to my safe room, which is a room away from other people in my family and I scream and punch pillows in there. I find it helps.
There's a volcano of anger that is coming out that is my dad's rage at the time of my trauma. and this dad rage personality thing(not separate personality but just a part of my personality how you have different parts like the critic ect) has come out in the last few years. It comes up like a volcano, it's like an opposite personality to me, it is forcing all my memories to the surface. (One memory every 3 days in the last 3 weeks). I'm not sure how to deal with it. It's almost gone, and then it flares up again. So I am struggling with you.

 

[Iron_Angel]

Drinking probably isn't a very good long-term solution. Nor should you suppress your anger -- it will just eat you up inside. Expressing it safely can be done as Maze suggests, in a safe room, or you can scream into a towel or pillow. I have a foam bat that I can bash things with. The physical expression of anger can be very therapeutic. But watch your blood pressure. Anger can appear very scary to those who see you having an episode, so letting them know things are okay is a good idea too.

If you have the presence of mind to do it when anger starts to take over, set a timer to ring after 5 or 10 minutes, and tell yourself that bell means you have to stop. By then you should have most of it out for the time being anyway.

Zen meditation is very good for prevention of anger episodes. If you can give your mind a good rest, it seems to scale back the anger potential somewhat.

A lot of my anger came from frustration at not being able to get justice on certain things. If there's anything unresolved, maybe clearing that out would help curb the anger.

Good luck with it. It's a heck of a monster to have to live with. Hugs!

 

[blueangel371115]

thanks guys .Your comments are much appreciated. I will try the pillow thing. Glad to report that I quit drinking though. I only drink sociallly now and not when I'm upset. And I agree about the rage at the lack of justice. He got to live his life but mine got sidetracked.

 

[Iron_Angel]

Biggest of hugs from one angel to another!

 

[blueangel371115]

Nice. (((IronAngel)))

 

[Philippa]

I think the injustice can be the main source of frustration, especially when the perp got away with it. I'm pretty sure that is the main source of my anger as well.

I do all three, screaming, punching pillows, using a foam batt, and it helps release the charge of anger at the time, so it doesn't build up, as I used to bottle my feelings growing up in a family unit that wouldn't allow me to be angry (I did have a pretty fiery temper...Leo with Leo sun rising.)

There is also the risk of becoming addicted to your anger, so if you are doing these release techniques and find that you are getting more and more angry, and it seems like it's over the top (in a way that normal rage isn't already) then I'd suggest seeing someone who can help with anger management. That's just something to look out for though if you don't experience relief from these techniques, as this is what they are supposed to provide.

best of luck with it. It's hard, I know.

Drinking probably isn't a very good long-term solution. Nor should you suppress your anger -- it will just eat you up inside. Expressing it safely can be done as Maze suggests, in a safe room, or you can scream into a towel or pillow. I have a foam bat that I can bash things with. The physical expression of anger can be very therapeutic. But watch your blood pressure. Anger can appear very scary to those who see you having an episode, so letting them know things are okay is a good idea too.

If you have the presence of mind to do it when anger starts to take over, set a timer to ring after 5 or 10 minutes, and tell yourself that bell means you have to stop. By then you should have most of it out for the time being anyway.

Zen meditation is very good for prevention of anger episodes. If you can give your mind a good rest, it seems to scale back the anger potential somewhat.

A lot of my anger came from frustration at not being able to get justice on certain things. If there's anything unresolved, maybe clearing that out would help curb the anger.

Good luck with it. It's a heck of a monster to have to live with. Hugs!

 

[blueangel371115]

My anger monster and I got in a fight again yesterday. Was triggered and having flashbacks. Scary. Didn't do so well managing it. But I know what to do now and more about what triggers me.

 

[Sethe]

I've experienced some of what Maze mentioned. After my divorce I wasn't angry at all. After I started therapy I became the Hulk. Now, it jumps out of me very quickly (usually in traffic). I almost got into an accident because I refused to give up my lane to some ass who tried to cut me off.

I would love to hear other suggestions on 'anger management.' I do like the pillow idea. Maybe I'll bring a stress ball with me when I go to work.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time blueangel.

 

[Ted Moen]

Understanding the anger as old stuff that sometimes gets triggered by current stuff helps me. The anger has nothing or little to to with the person in front of me (or the driver who cut me off). It has to do with old stuff inside me. It's always there, probably will always be there, waiting to explode on some poor person or situation that triggers the right memory. So I will always have the intense feelings exploding inside. But I don't have to continually express those feelings as explosive behavior, explosive behavior that is generally not in my best interest. Why should I risk damage to my car because another driver is rude? Sometimes it helps to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, imagine the other driver is in the middle of a medical emergency. Sometimes I simply have to tell myself I don't want to make it worse and remove myself from the situation, stop by the road and let the waves of emotion wash over me until I can go back to driving reasonably.

It takes practice, and a willingness to forgive myself if I run some poor dummy into the ditch before I remember my coping skills.

Ted

 

[suzie q]

For me, the anger was the first to surface in my portfolio of emotions. It seemed to be the strongest, the most justified, and the emotion that helped me "survive".

Under the anger (after I got clean and sober) my therapist found fear. Fear that I was out of control, which made me extremely angry. To be out of control was to be a victim. I was tired of being a victim. Until I got away from the things that masked my true emotions (all the numbing things I did to not feel) anger was the only one that I could readily identify.

I still have a problem with wanting to control everything (I think it makes me have a false sense of safety) and when I feel angry, that's usually whats behind the emotion, control. I am still learning how to have "an appropriate amount" of anger to the situation I'm facing. Makes life a little easier these days! When I can't figure what I'm angry at, I check out what I might be afraid of...I usually can find a place to start working on the feeling and letting it pass.
Peace...suzie q

 

[blueangel371115]

I've experienced some of what Maze mentioned. After my divorce I wasn't angry at all. After I started therapy I became the Hulk. Now, it jumps out of me very quickly (usually in traffic). I almost got into an accident because I refused to give up my lane to some ass who tried to cut me off.

I would love to hear other suggestions on 'anger management.' I do like the pillow idea. Maybe I'll bring a stress ball with me when I go to work.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time blueangel.

I like the imagery in the respect that I definitely relate. That's exactly how I 've described it before.