Undiagnosed My Bestfriend Almost Died In My Arms. Now That He Has Survived, I No Longer Exist To Him :(

[Jeanine Norris]

Lifeline...I almost lost him a year and a half ago. He decided to drop me from his life 3 and a half months ago. I know you may think im a bad influence, or that I steal or do wrong....I don't. I'm probably the best friend that he'll ever meet to be honest. I work in a hospital for a reason.

I'm sorry if you guys think this is fake or for attention...from one extreme to the next in a year. Its overwhelming. I'm a normal, decent person whos always happy and as I'm told by others, I'm good at advice and one who others come to when in need because I have a really big heart. Its not that I feel taken advantage of by this particular person....I've been threw less with a person and don't have the heart to leave their side because I know their suffering and I know all they need is someone to just say hey...I got you.

I hate to say it..out of all my friends..he's the only one who would pull this bullshit because of his difficult upbringing. Mine wasn't easy, but his was a 100x worse....I was there for him to show him that good people do exist. He has stolen from me. My heart broke because I never thought he would do something like that. Then I called him out on it....and he paid me back. For someone whos that messed, I'm the only person he payed back because he felt bad.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

Its funny tho...because if anyone else tried to pull that shit (not suicide shit, but f*ck with me shit)..I'd laugh in they're face lol for realsssssssssssss. But because of what happened, he's the only one that it truly hurts....bad.

How could a friend turn on me so easily? Over something so little?? I just don't get it....so these unanswered questions makes it worse....its the what did I do so bad to make you so mad at me that you never wanna talk to me again?...We're not 16yrs old. I'm not in high school....I never did anything bad enough to make him not want to talk to me again.

So its the no closure part in a sense that irks me.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

I just wanna say...the bad shit went down last June...and him turning out the be a giant a-hole happened 3 months ago. You may think, get over it....it just happened...not only him not talking to me....but what happened last year. I work around intubated patients 9 months after I seen that. I was kinda healed at that point. My first day...I walk in.....I run to that bathroom. Daily flashbacks of the worst 12 hrs-7days of my life....til about 3 weeks ago till I finally left because I couldn't take torturing myself anymore.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

im sorry for goin on and on....its been a good year and a half where I have felt nothing but sadness at some point everyday. I don't want nothing from him, just be a friend like u would to others. and im not worth that, after everything. so it hurts. im fine, I laugh, I f*ck around at work lol try to make the best of it. its not that im the depressed type that's super quiet and whatnot lol im pretty outgoing and joke around all the time. that event changed me. ive tried counselors, ive tried talking to friends (whom all told me to just get over it...they think cuz hes a guy and im a girl that I want him)...has nothing at all to do with that. im a good friend. I am there for my friends. ive had ppl come upto me whom ive barely known asking for help, and I help them and they are so greatful. sooo happy that I reached out, when no one else would........then that happens. literally, the last person on the planet. makes u feel so low

 

[Lifeline]

He meant a lot to you and what he did caused you a lot of pain. Plus what you went through with him would be traumatic to the average person. It had a profound effect on you.

He might have been using you, got triggered, and/or couldn't handle more than one or two emotionally intense relationships.

I know with me, when things get super rough, I close off or have a strong urge to sabotage my relationships (my trauma caused attachment, abandonment, and trust issues).

Even though he's been through "worse" than you, you still deserve better. If he's not willing or can't do that for you, then it's just better to move on. Find people who will value you and not settle for people who you hope will value you.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

I'm very, VERY lucky. I have a lot of people in my life who love me dearly no matter what. It just bothers me that someone could drop someone that fast....over barely anything. I said I felt he could've treated me well. He responded...I don't wanna talk about it. So for him now, out of sight, out of mind.....till shit hits the fan.

He's bipolar, has anxiety issues when he's uncomfortable, and has severe depression. But in a good light, he's a lot better now which I'm grateful for. Whether I'm in his life or not, but life isn't always kittens and goddamn rainbows. He refused to take his medication because he felt he was in a beter place (he is...but he's always like that till something happens, then back to old Ryan he goes....). Everyone close to him as been threw this.

I want to move on and forget, how can I when I know he will eventually one day, come running back here? Trust me, he will. I want to forget altogether, but that part, is stopping me. I'm so afraid that it will happen when I least expect it.....because I will be a mess. I just want to hug him and just walk away and not say nothing. I miss the friendship. He wil not be my friend for his own selfish reasons. No one understands why that hurts a 100x more.

What he's doing, is so he sleeps better at night. He doesn't wanna worry about me because god forbid you ruin his after connsoling a friend after he worked all day. Je just wants to go home and play gran theft auto...f*ck everyone else...yes, hes that selfish.

 

[Jeanine Norris]

I worry because hes off his meds because he feels he's mentally good. I think legit out of his family and everyone... he shouldn't stop taking his medications regardless how he feels, because when life gets tough........back to square one...yup, just me thinks of this......sigh.

 

[Lifeline]

I am sorry that you have been through a lot with this person. There are always going to be people who are going to have a big impact on our lives, for better or for worse.

 

[digger]

I saw a psychologist about it to assess me to see if I needed help with my problem in order to get a referral to get further counseling.

Do you know how long you will have to wait to see a counsellor?

 

[Jeanine Norris]

No I don't. I work all the time, so I have no time, so I try to deal with it myself.

 

[digger]

no i dont. i work all the time so i have no time so i try to deal with it myself

That's difficult. Did you say it was work who asked you to see someone though in the first place? Might they not be up for giving you time off for it though if counselling is what has been recommended as a result of that?

 

[ericaboo]

Welcome to the forum Jeanine :)