My bipolar moods (with severity)

[Changing4Best]

I'm scared about something and God keeps telling me not to be. I wish I would listen to Him! I know that He did not give us a spirit of fear. So why am I still afraid? I often don't trust that I am actually hearing God I guess. I fear I am hearing my own mental voice that is actually wishful thinking or something. I wonder if others have this same thought when they hear Him speak.... I have no answers.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I've never ever heard a "voice" per se @SheilaKathy however...I've experienced "a knowing" a coming to the realization of Him imparting His will to me...within my mind...again it is "a knowing" of what He is willing me to do...and what He is spiritually imparting to me. Never any voice though.

He also speaks through others to guide and encourage me. And my precious little mind if I allowed it to...would run me again right into a ditch. So I have to read the good book and am in Psalm and Proverbs a lot to also discern His will for me. And prayer and meditation and being silent. Hope this helps.

 

[Changing4Best]

I Survived "the meal"

Thankfully they allowed me to make my own plate, so I chose to put as little food on it as I felt would be polite. The food was good, but I did decide to leave a bit on my plate when I felt as if I had had enough. I am so happy I did! The only problem I had was that I think I overstayed my welcome. I did not realize that my hostesses needed to take a nap. The chef kept hinting at it, but I thought the other one was in the mood to stay up, so I sat there like a dummy, until the other one also said she needed a nap. Then I "got it" that they were just being polite. So I thanked them profusely for inviting me after saying I was sorry I had overstayed my welcome. They didn't say much and then we hugged and I left with a take home plate, which I will have tomorrow. I will be eating very light for supper tonight!

 

[Changing4Best]

I've never ever heard a "voice" per se @SheilaKathy however...I've experienced "a...

I've experienced the knowing too. I just get this strong feeling that something should be done about something or that I need to do something or whatever. I can feel that it is God that is imparting that feeling. I can't really explain how I know it is God, but I do.

Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate what you have said here.

 

[Changing4Best]

I took a real day off today. I bought a bracelet for myself, and a necklace too. These were both made of healing stones from the earth. I bought a gift for a friend. I went for a LONG walk. I crocheted some on the blanket I am making. I pondered an idea for a painting. Yes, I bought some paints and will be painting for therapeutic reasons, not for any kind of other reasons. This is art for me, for my healing. Same with the crocheting. I bought that yarn because the colors really appealed to me. They are really bright and a rainbow of colors too. These colors cheer me up, just to work with them. So I am in a cheerful happy contented kind of mood.

 

[Changing4Best]

I guess I should mention that the bully has backed off and is no longer bothering me. Finally! I can say this with confidence, because as I may have mentioned, he lives in my building. We ended up doing laundry together for a couple of times these last 2 weeks and he did not say a word to me. Thank God!

So that is part of the reason I feel happy and free and well mentally. The other part of the reason is that the hospital changed all my meds, and I am with a new practitioner now, who is managing my meds with the idea of 1. keeping me out of hospitals, and 2. helping me to thrive (not just survive). So I also have a new therapist, one that is better suited to my needs now too. I have been working on anger management and assertiveness. Both are helping and I am sure that we will work more on these things too.

So both of these things combined have helped me to be able to focus on things that are healthy and happy for a change. You know, in order for me to get this new provider, I had to cross a state line. In other words, I went from my state into another. There, in a city that is only really about 50 minutes from here, I was finally helped. That hospital is the best one I have ever been in for mental health reasons. Other hospitals were 4 and 6 hours from here by car, that are in my state. It is amazing what can happen when you finally get the help you truly need!

 

[Changing4Best]

BrainBashers - Puzzles and Brain Teasers

This is a website I found that is interesting and fun and stretches your mind!

 

[Changing4Best]

My blanket is 17 1/4 inches across now (44 millimeters) and it is a square. It is going to be what we call a "throw" here in the states, I am not sure what you all call that in Europe and Australia and other areas.

I did one painting. It is small, just 4 x 6 inches in size. It is of a sunset and a tree. I am doing a second one now, not sure where I am going with it yet exactly, although it too is a sunset and a tree. However, it is a summer tree, whereas the other one was of a winter tree.

Sometimes I have noticed that when my moods change, so does my perception of reality. This is kind of troublesome, to say the least. I discovered it by re-reading some of my emails to various folks. I noticed that at different times, I saw things quite differently, and the only thing I can attribute this to is my changes in moods. I can go from euphoric to depressed in one day. I can also get mad or be happy within an hour of the other. Obviously there is a difference in how one sees things when one is angry as compared with how one sees the same situation when one is happy. Self pity can take over when one is depressed too. Whereas when one is happy, self pity does not enter the picture usually.

I wonder if this happens to everyone, or is it just me?

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@SheilaKathy...regarding perception changing...when I am tired and/or physically ill...I have to watch my emotions and what I "think" I'm feeling and thinking, etc.

Because my ability to cognitively process incoming information is truly compromised during times like these again when I'm sick and when I'm tired...I have to be careful about making sure I try to get enough sleep time in and also try very hard to not expose my self to very much outside stimuli when I'm tired.

Very insightful I think for you to notice that your moods are so subject to change when mentally and emotionally exposed to different external then incoming stimuli. So this does happen to me...too.

And in regards to bullies...they're all around us and so I'm learning to be stronger and no longer am projecting (as I used to do) victim status...for bullies seem to be able to smell out and chase after what they suspect to be vulnerable people.

Now I try to project more inner-strength and inner-peace and whenever any "bullies" attempt to define, change, ridicule, bully, etc. me...well I ain't havin' none of it. No one yanks my chain unless I give it them...to yank. Nope.

 

[Changing4Best]

@SheilaKathy...regarding perception changing...when I am tired and/or physically ill...

Well, in a way, some of my moods could be considered to be an illness, a mental one. Some of them cause me to see things very differently than when I am in a better mood. So I guess that in the same way in which you find it necessary to watch your perceptions when you are tired or ill, I need to watch mine when I am in a mood which could be improved upon. I have to watch the euphoric moods just as well as the angers or the grievings too. Almost any mood can be a kind of dangerous one for me to have in some cases. I also have to think that if my perception(s) seem to be off the wall, they probably are!

As to bullies, I agree. When I put the bully in his place awhile back, he has not bothered me since. I got the message across to him loud and clear that I would no longer be taking any of his nastiness.

 

[Changing4Best]

The 2nd painting turned out to be of my childhood. Since it was a summer tree in it, I placed a little red wagon under the tree. So it is a happy memory painting!

Now I finished a 3rd one which is an abstract, just a celebration of colors, I guess. I am having fun anyway. I am sorry that I cannot share images of these with you, but my phone has no camera, and even if it did, I would have no clue how to transfer an image from it to here. Then I have a digital camera, but I never could figure out how to get the photos into my computer. I am so sorry, but I am not very techie! (Anything but a Geek).

None the less, I am having better success at painting what I see in my mind's eye. This is due to the new arthritis medicine that my psych nurse practitioner prescribed for me. I guess you could say that because I told her I was going back to painting again (for therapeutic reasons this time), and I told her about my arthritis and how it impedes that, she felt moved to help me solve that!!! Now that is so nice of her. My fingers type easier too now. It is amazing what the right medicine can do for you.

 

[Changing4Best]

My blanket is 20 1/2 inches across now. I think that is 52 centimeters, not millimeters, but I am no expert in these measurements. I am just reading the number on the back of my tape measure.