My bipolar moods (with severity)

[Deleted member 37085]

Oh yes @SheilaKathy...it oh so amazing...what the right medicine...can do! I am now on a.d.d. medication and I am beyond ever so grateful.

For now, I can think so much more clearly and can access my thoughts and feelings way more easily! Also, I do not get as tired from having to hyper-focus on what others are saying and doing around and in front of me.

Now I just listen and spontaneously respond...whereas before...well it was such a struggle to discern what everyone was saying and doing and what I was trying to say and do! So happy! Woohoo!

And I am also grateful for your psych nurse prescribing the arthritis medication so you can paint and also type with so much more ease and with less pain. Yay!

 

[Changing4Best]

I realized that even though my painting seemed to be a celebration of color, it was actually about anger, so I did another one, addressing the subject further. I will be sharing these with my mental health therapist. I had planned to do these as therapy, so my mind delved into the therapy with them before even my spirit had any clue what was going on!

I will not be giving them as gifts, because on the back of each, before the thoughts about the paintings escaped me, I wrote about them. One painting is called ANGER CONTAINED, and the other is called ANGER BURSTS and the 3rd will hopefully be ANGER THAT IS MANAGED or words to that effect.

There is satisfaction in doing these, there is hope that I will be able to deal with anger better, both my own and that which I am subjected to by others. Because, really, bullying is a form of anger! Probably somewhere in any bully's life, he or she wanted to be angry at someone, but could not be. And so they started taking it out on a younger sibling or someone at school, and they never stopped.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

So hope it's okay to say here @SheilaKathy that I do not ever wish to try and take the precious time (which is at a premium) to figure out what causes some to seemingly so mercilessly bully others that have never done any harm whatsoever to them.

I just want to steer clear of them and yet when one is directly in my path and trying to harm me...I will most definitely confront and take action. Remember when we both individually purchased the books on bullying. I still have mine and can reference it at any time to aid me.

For whatever their reasoning for attempting to so cruelly and seemingly at random to harm others...I really don't care @SheilaKathy.

I do care though very much about those whom bullies have attempted to tear down and destroy and I'll support these victims as much as I am able to.

It seems so therapeutic for you to paint and then also be so aware that you can see within your painting that you're dealing with your emotions ie. anger, etc.

Sometimes I like to create jewelry and also crochet all kinds of things and this helps me to decompress and to just focus on my thought to thought. I too wish I knew how to post my art (jewelry, etc.) here in forum.

I have a handy cam yet I don't know how to hook it up to where I can transfer my pictures or even videos to here in this forum.

 

[Changing4Best]

I did another painting. It is the one about "Managed Anger" and I am really pleased with how these paintings are coming out. I am not worrying about the technical aspects of doing the art, just focusing on the therapeutic things to do with it only. It is such a relief to not have to focus on all that, yet, the paintings are not bad technically anyway.

I see that I am allowed to upload a file now, so I will have to see if I can photograph them and see if I can somehow get them to a place that can be reached on my computer. That was the problem last time. The person who hooked up my cam made the images go to some weird file named "Camera Pictures" and then I could not find it anywhere, when I went to upload files! So frustrating.

There was a time in my life when I was tech savvy. When computers first came out, back when I got my first one in 1994, I could figure stuff out pretty well then. It was a lot simpler then! Also, the cams were really much more easy to deal with as well. I will try, none the less, because I would really love to share these images with all of you.

@JadesJewel thanks for your thoughts and I am glad that you are crocheting too, and doing other things like that.

As to my book on bullies, it didn't really have that much advice in it, other than to say "leave me alone." and stuff like that. None the less, the bullies are leaving me alone now, so I guess I must have gotten the message across one way or another. Either that, or someone else did. So I don't really need any more books.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Mine is called "Bully In Sight" and this book helped me with my denial that bullying even exists. I now after reading some of this very helpful book have learned and am more readily capable of recognizing when a bully is "in sight."

And that I cannot stand by passively (just as you've shared you've not stood by passively either) and allow anyone to walk all over me nor mistreat or abuse me. And this book is helping me to cope with those who will try to do so...for with bullies...give 'em a little rope to hang you...and...they...will. Just sayin'.

There are people (bullies if you will) as you well know @SheilaKathy who because of their own personal struggles and unhappiness over whatever will then attempt to harm us either psychologically, or socially, or professionally or in all areas of our lives if we let them.

This is their unhealthy and skilless and emotionally maladaptive way of trying to contain their pain and/or not even deal with their pain at all. So they utilize temporary escapism looking outside of themselves and at others...in order to only temporarily alleviate their ongoing excruciating pain and so they focus on others they deem as "vulnerable" and easier targets.

Their (the bullies) unrelenting pain could be over a loved one not loving them, or not getting something they want, or losing something they have... it could be a personal injury and that the wounds have never healed, or it could be out of just sheer plain jealousy...or even willful cruelty and savage meanness...any number of excuses...and NOT reasons...for there are never ANY ways or means of rationalizing bullying. NO!

And their "reasoning" their bullying is of no concern to me. I will not tolerate it for a freaking second...no more. No how...no way.

I make jewelry as well as crochet. Right now I'm working on a Christmas project for my church...and is so intricate and requires serious focusing and good paper-cutting skills, hole-punching, ribbons, cards, candy canes, on and on...oh my!

I just finished two beautiful winter hats and one scarf and adorned my newly-made hats with beautiful old pendants that I've had for eons. And now I have one more scarf to go (to match the other hat). Yay!

Down the road after the holidays I may work on either a sweater or a really cool shawl/scarf to drape over me during the cold blustery winter months. Hope you are well!

 

[Changing4Best]

I ordered it, thanks, @JadesJewel. You never know when another one might show up....

 

[Changing4Best]

My camera died sometime since the last time I used it. I tried to charge the battery, but it did not take. So I tossed it in the garbage. I guess maybe I can take some photos of the paintings with someone's phone or something. We shall see. Maybe I will get to share those paintings with all of you afterall!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Hey in all honesty here @SheilaKathy...bullies are everywhere...and at times all around us. Honestly. At times they come disguised as light, caring...and trying to penetrate our delicate boundaries...and some come in darkness and we spot them immediately.

So I am always trying to be very aware that they're lurking about...trying to harm others. "Bully In Sight" is a good read...chocked full of helpful information on how to deal with these freaking seemingly heartless bullies!

Sorry your camera died. Perhaps you will get to share them now!

 

[Changing4Best]

Hey in all honesty here @SheilaKathy...bullies are everywhere...and at times all...

Yes, I know, sigh....

Some days I can deal with it, and some days it is harder to deal with. I do have a feeling that there is some character assassination going on behind the scenes, so that is why I ordered the book. I hope it is just my imagination, and my imagination can run wild sometimes, but sometimes what I have imagined does come to pass. I don't know if my imagining it brings it on, (like for instance, I feared bullying before it actually occurred, just because it had happened to me so many times)! Or maybe it just happens, having nothing to do with my wild imagined fears. You know, they say there is such a thing as a self fulfilling prophesy, so that is why I say this. I hope it does not come to pass anymore. I am sure the book will help me with the possibility. My only problem is that my memory is going and if I read the book, I won't remember a lot of it, unfortunately. I hope it has a good index and table of contents? That should help me find what I need, when I need it, should I ever need it.

 

[Changing4Best]

One of the credit reporting agencies had a data breach and my data was breached. UGH! So now I had to ask for a credit report and I suppose I should put on a freeze too. I hate all this kind of stuff. You know, something like 30 years ago, or even less than that, there was no such thing as identity theft. Nowadays there is so much that you have to do to protect your data, and you can make some fatal mistake too, like reporting to the wrong company that you have this problem! You have to be so careful.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Mine is called "Bully In Sight" and this book helped me with my denial that bullying even exists. I now after reading some of this very helpful book have learned and am more readily capable of recognizing when a bully is "in sight."

I got this book online so many years ago when they had a web site, I do not know if it is still up or not. I think it is the best book on bullying that I have every found.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Me too @Rain regarding "Bully In Sight" being a very good book.

Yes, I too am aware of self-fulfilling prophecies @SheilaKathy . And I'm also aware that now after all of the trauma, I seem to have a very sharp, heightened sense of my surroundings.

This being due to the perps/pervs causing my mind, body, and soul to be in fight, flight, and/or fright mode as a small innocent little girl child all the way up into my adulthood.

And I am learning now to pay attention to my gut instinct when my mind is telling me that there is stranger danger around me and to set more stringent boundaries to protect my self.

Due to being a trauma survivor, it seems that I have this inner sixth sense about nontrustworthy people and I now am so grateful that something protective, proactive and healthier has come out of the horrific past trauma events that now do help me better protect my self against "bullies" aka very sick people who lurk about to harm others because they are so unhappy and miserable.

Have a nice evening.