I have been working with my company since mid-May and it's difficult for me to find reasons to keep working there. My bosses are a married couple and I was hired as an administrative assistant and customer service rep.
Around a month into being employed there, my bosses started having me do more warehouse activities like building product packages, assembly packaging, stocking and shipping, ect.
Apparently I was not performing up to their expectations as an admin and they decided to move me into the warehouse without discussing the changes with me.
About a month into doing the warehouse work I injured my wrist and subsequently developed tendonitis and tennis elbow. My boss constantly asks for updates about my condition but when I give him information he complains. Example: "Now is this the same injury that you got here or a pre-existing thing?", "Yeah but your doctor isn't a hand specialist", "Why do you need a physical therapist?", "I thought this would be healed up by the end of the weekend."
A few days ago I started working again. My work limitations stipulate that I cannot use my injured hand at all. It is difficult to find one-armed work in a warehouse, but the work I am assigned to concerned me. I talked too my boss about limiting my work hours so I would lower the risk of overcompensating with my good hand. I told him I wanted to talk to my doctor before work the next day. His response was: "I'm trying to make this fair, but work comp isn't fair to employers. They are telling me that the best thing for everyone involved is to have you working and if you can't do the work then I don't know what to do. I want someone to make this fair for me too."
I should express that I try very hard to avoid making mistakes and I like to stay under the radar. I am triggered by feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, neglect, and abandonment. Particularly around basic human needs such as housing, money, and food. Work issues fall under my concern for money so I do my best to keep my head low.
Since I have worked with this company I feel like I am an expendable part of their team, especially since the injury. They show no compassion to those who can't catch on quickly and they demean people for having difficulty with tasks in subtle or sometimes not so subtle ways.
My male boss has admitted to treating his employees in the same manner he would treat his own daughter. Except we are not his children and being treated like a child makes me feel worthless and insecure. I make more mistakes out of that fear of not doing well.
I have had triggers at work and I just go to the bathroom and cry. There was one event where I was unable to hold in my anger and I became very tongue-in-cheek with my boss. He said he didn't appreciate not being listened to. That's when I started having panic attacks before I would even get to work.
The night before work I would cry for an hour because I knew I would have to go in the next day. Nightmares kept me from getting sleep and sometimes on the drive to work I would cry because I wanted to turn around and go home, but the thought of losing my job paralyzes me.
The thought of being jobless again and relying on others until I can find new income makes me feel worthless. My job and my injury both make me worthless. I come home from work and I can't even wash the dishes or put away clothes.
My feelings of apathy have increased, but so has the frequency of my emotional outbursts. Two days ago I experienced suicidal ideation for the first time in 3 years, in which I told my partner that I would rather be dead than be in the situation I am in now. I berate myself for having those types of thoughts and I do not feel like I have balance in my life at all.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing all of this, but I just wanted some help and to know I'm not alone. Has anyone else ever felt like their trauma creeps in where they least expect it to?
Around a month into being employed there, my bosses started having me do more warehouse activities like building product packages, assembly packaging, stocking and shipping, ect.
Apparently I was not performing up to their expectations as an admin and they decided to move me into the warehouse without discussing the changes with me.
About a month into doing the warehouse work I injured my wrist and subsequently developed tendonitis and tennis elbow. My boss constantly asks for updates about my condition but when I give him information he complains. Example: "Now is this the same injury that you got here or a pre-existing thing?", "Yeah but your doctor isn't a hand specialist", "Why do you need a physical therapist?", "I thought this would be healed up by the end of the weekend."
A few days ago I started working again. My work limitations stipulate that I cannot use my injured hand at all. It is difficult to find one-armed work in a warehouse, but the work I am assigned to concerned me. I talked too my boss about limiting my work hours so I would lower the risk of overcompensating with my good hand. I told him I wanted to talk to my doctor before work the next day. His response was: "I'm trying to make this fair, but work comp isn't fair to employers. They are telling me that the best thing for everyone involved is to have you working and if you can't do the work then I don't know what to do. I want someone to make this fair for me too."
I should express that I try very hard to avoid making mistakes and I like to stay under the radar. I am triggered by feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, neglect, and abandonment. Particularly around basic human needs such as housing, money, and food. Work issues fall under my concern for money so I do my best to keep my head low.
Since I have worked with this company I feel like I am an expendable part of their team, especially since the injury. They show no compassion to those who can't catch on quickly and they demean people for having difficulty with tasks in subtle or sometimes not so subtle ways.
My male boss has admitted to treating his employees in the same manner he would treat his own daughter. Except we are not his children and being treated like a child makes me feel worthless and insecure. I make more mistakes out of that fear of not doing well.
I have had triggers at work and I just go to the bathroom and cry. There was one event where I was unable to hold in my anger and I became very tongue-in-cheek with my boss. He said he didn't appreciate not being listened to. That's when I started having panic attacks before I would even get to work.
The night before work I would cry for an hour because I knew I would have to go in the next day. Nightmares kept me from getting sleep and sometimes on the drive to work I would cry because I wanted to turn around and go home, but the thought of losing my job paralyzes me.
The thought of being jobless again and relying on others until I can find new income makes me feel worthless. My job and my injury both make me worthless. I come home from work and I can't even wash the dishes or put away clothes.
My feelings of apathy have increased, but so has the frequency of my emotional outbursts. Two days ago I experienced suicidal ideation for the first time in 3 years, in which I told my partner that I would rather be dead than be in the situation I am in now. I berate myself for having those types of thoughts and I do not feel like I have balance in my life at all.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing all of this, but I just wanted some help and to know I'm not alone. Has anyone else ever felt like their trauma creeps in where they least expect it to?
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