My Brain Has Every Excuse To Not Work Today.

[haltija]

I don't know if it's PTSD related. I don't think it is but .. problem. I am BSing myself and I'm having trouble focusing. I'm really tired and can't sleep and it's almost 4:30 AM, so if I'm not making much sense then... sorry. I'm sitting here thinking that tomorrow is Monday and I need to work today, but my brain is like...

1. I worked Sat-Sun. Yeah, but like barely even did anything. I was getting paid to just sit there 80% of the time.

2. I'm stressed and tired. Whoop-dee-doo.

3. I won't have any help with the kids while I work tomorrow. I rarely do, so why am I so anxious and hesitant about committing to a job all of a sudden.

4. If I work tomorrow then I will be so busy between work and kids that I won't have time to do the dishes. As odd as that sounds, I didn't do them today and it really freaking bothers me, like a lot. I do entire kitchen cleanup every Sunday, but instead today, I played Tetris and ate everything in front of me. No regrets, but still.

5. I have to do like ... all of the things. That one feels true.

6. I planned on making baked beans on Tuesday, so I have to work on that tomorrow. Literally, it's just soaking the beans. All I have to do is dump the beans in some water and then walk away.


I love my job and I've debunked all of my excuses, sort of, but my brain is still avoiding work in a big way. Being a self employed independent contractor, my job isn't suffering because of it, but my finances aren't totally what they used to be.

I can make a few hundred a week, if I'm willing to put the time in. With my last check, I worked like 10 or 15 minutes and made like $2.40. I didn't even bother grabbing a new project, so that was it. I had a little bit of a hard time focusing on what I did over this last weekend, so I'm worried about my metrics slipping. I don't feel like I should keep writing because I'm thinking I'm not making any sense and I'm just ranting now...

Anyway, what to do, what to do...?? Do I push myself to go through with it or do I just not even bother? It seems like it should be a really easy answer but I can't figure it out, which irritates me even more, because just ... blah.

 

[darrenS]

i can relate to the tiredness..its hard to even think of work when you exist on 2 hrs sleep, but its something that aids our survival so its necessary. I work hard physically , so if im tired it is really hard, but what i try to do is just enough - when im good i work hard , real hard and i use that as my insurance policy for the slack days. You can only do what you can do so the simplest thing to do , is to just get out there and do it. Its funny have you ever looked at the energy thats expelled in getting out of or avoiding something - its usually three times the energy it would take just to do the work. There are no easy answers and give yourself the freedom to have a blah day.

My focus does wane , particularly in my second job , so again what i do is ensure that the simple brain dead tasks are saved for when i am actually incapable of bullet point focus

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

My brain tends to translate even the smallest task into "Work" with a big capital W and it sounds a bit like your brain is doing the same. And the forgetfulness / lack of focus I can completely relate too as well. I think they're both aspects of the same thing.

I don't know, what do you feel? Are you able to work? Do you need time to process things or is it just your brain digging its heels in, like mine?
In my own case when my brain gets like that, I have to just try to work, and then a lot of times the dragging feeling of "not wanting to because it's so much" goes away. On other days I try to work and I can't focus at all so I just give up.

Also depends on the kind of income you need, I guess, and what you can afford to loose.
Hope you sleep better soon...

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds like it's time to assess the procrastination propensity. We used to call it "the procrastination weasel".

 

[haltija]

Thanks all. :) I guess I don't technical "have" to work. My guy does well to provide for our family, but if I'm not working, I feel insecure. I just do it more for the security of knowing that if anything ever happens at all, I'm able to have a cushion in my account to back our whole family up. I don't have this right now, because most of what I made went towards rent before he got this job. It's just something I'm trying to work towards.

I was all worried about my metrics this morning and then I received a note a few hours later for perfect work on a difficult project. I think I was expecting to spin thread into gold and maybe I was avoiding it because I was feeling insecure about it.

Anyway, I woke up this morning to, "Hey, (my name), the toilet is overflowed in the bathroom and there's water all over the floor. Might need to fix that." Also, the sneaky boy got into red party tissue and decided to get it wet and color himself with it in the bathroom. Also, everyone needs lunch and everyone needs me to do their laundry like pronto, so it looks like I'll be waiting to work until tomorrow.. lol

:bored: Now I just wish I was working today.