Relationship My Brain Is Exhausted.

[Chaz619]

The girl I've been dating for a while now suffers from ptsd. She was raped, abused as a child, among other things. I think she is my soulmate. I cannot explain it but, we enjoy and want the same things in life. I fell for the girl I know she is behind all of the pain. I know shes still there and wants to come out. I think I've been subconsciously avoiding self help. that's why I am here. I'm still getting used to the fact that I can make her sad just by touching her in the wrong way at the wrong time. My biggest issue is, when she was raped, her attacker forced her to be held by him. I thrive on intimacy, and I know it's not healthy for any relationship to have no intimacy. I've read this before but now i'm living it, the intimacy was there for the longest time, until she got comfortable and scared. Now its been weeks. I plan on talking to her and asking her to talk to her therapist about it. I would like to know from people in my position as the supporter and from the sufferer position. How would you approach this issue? What are some ways we could work on being intimate?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Firstly @Chaz619 I welcome you to the forum and offer a UK :hug: for you both if you accept it.

My advise in this matter is very simple. My ex wife and I were married for twenty years and the loss of intimacy happened a few times during that marriage which is sadly over now because of my refusal to seek approriate help for my own PTSD issues earlier.

Sometime IMHO there comes a time in a relationship, for whatever reason that intimacy becomes an issue for one or other party. Whenever this happened in my marriage it was a case of going back to grass roots, I would sit and mull over what first attracted me to her, what did we do when we were dating to woo each other, how did we approach intimacy as a new couple.

We dated, we went to the movies, went for dinner, went out for drinks, held hands whilst walking back from the bar, I would say that physical contact in the case of a PTSD sufferer needs to be approached with a much more sensitive manner, for example if holding hands etc.

As the old saying goes "softly, softly catch the monkey" (Poss a Uk saying) ergo, take it slow, do not rush into anything.

I hope this helps and this is only my own opinion on the issue of intimacy.

Take care of yourself and I wish you both every success in your relationship and recovery

Laurie

 

[shimmerz]

What are some ways we could work on being intimate?

Try working with eyes. Eyes that are soft. Eyes that are loving. Eyes that are trustable. No touch involved. Really anchor them in for her. As Laurie says, softly walk forward. Hold her hands while you continue to anchor the eyes. Again, slowly move forward. If you see her eyes go 'far away', back right off and start again. This helped me greatly. A betrayed trust during this time can become a tsunami with time.