My Brother Is Dying

[Jawn]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother Jadebear. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Jawn

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jadebear,

I'm am sorry that you are facing losing your brother. I wish you all the best in a difficult situation.

ITL

 

[pandora]

I am so sorry for your story....please take good care of yourself during this difficult time.

 

[bluecat]

Hi Jadebear,

I am so sorry about your brother's illness and that your relationship has been so difficult because of all the abuse. I am glad you're writting about it here and not withdrawing, this is a difficult time, you need all the support you can get. I hope that you and your brother find a resolution to what happened between you two, so you can part in peace. Also, the emotions might really hit you later, just talk about it, reach out, take good care of yourself.

Thinking of you,
Bluecat

 

[Jade-]

Thanks for all the replies. Today I'm wondering WTF I was thinking starting a thread about something so personal. My brother tells me he doesn't have long to live and I post it like it's my facebook status or something. Sorry.

A couple of people have mentioned the word "strong"....I'm so totally not strong at all. I'm just a person that is emotionally numb and I am so skilled at turning off my feelings towards others. I'm even better at just pretending things aren't happening or haven't happened. That's how I deal with things. I'm in no way strong, I'm just screwed up.

 

[Tinyflame]

Jadebear I'm so sorry for that news.

You're just doing the best you can, and by the way reacting normally. I'm sure everyone is glad you've posted, that was right and healthy and a good sign you're not screwed up, to reach out.

 

[Jade-]

I haven't talked to my brother anymore. It seems easier to just pretend it's not happening. I know it's not the right thing to do though. It's like my mind is trying to block it out now rather than deal with it.

 

[cherryblossom]

Sometimes our minds try to protect us from painful things, and it takes time for some things to sink in, before we can respond to them. Take time, but bear in mind that we often regret the things we don't do, rather than regetting the things that we do.

 

[Jade-]

I need to tell my brother that I forgive him and I don't blame him for the times he abused/hurt me. It wasn't his fault.

Now all of a sudden I'm having flashbacks of the things he did. My heart is racing and I feel sick. I thought I could forgive him, but now I'm not sure that I can. Maybe I'm misplacing the blame though, afterall, he did what he learned from watching it be done to to others. Maybe he was just a victim himself. This is really messing with my head now.

I don't want him to die with me feeling and thinking this way. I can't imagine how it would affect me if I haven't forgiven him in time. Yet I don't think it would be right to tell him I do just so he feels better. Now I feel urgency in figuring out what to do.

BTW CB, I know you're right about regretting what we don't do.

 

[cherryblossom]

Ok, I have one further opinion here, and then I will butt out!

There are no right or wrong feelings here. You just have to be true to yourself. If you do forgive him, then tell him so. If you are unsure whether you forgive him, then tell him so also. Maybe just open the lines of communication, so you both know where you stand with one another. In my opinion it would be wrong to say you forgive him, if you are unsure. But it would also be wrong not to hear his opinion on the subject.

Just my thoughts, for what they are worth.

 

[Jade-]

Thanks CB..and please don't feel you're butting in. You're actually helping me think more clearly. And I appreciate it.

I do need to just talk to him, about everything. Just get it all out in the open. Then just go from there, whatever I feel/think. The problem is knowing the difference in what I truly think and feel and what I think and feel I should be thinking and feeling, if that makes sense.

Plus, he told me there's something he needs to tell me, he sounded like he was going to cry when he said it. He couldn't tell me then, he said he will talk to me about it later. He said it's really horrible.....and I'm just scared. I don't know if it's something I have blocked out, something I do remember and thought he didn't, or something we both remember and have just never discussed. He said it's about me. Maybe it's just the things he did and he does want to discuss them....IDK.

 

[cherryblossom]

It feels like I'm butting in because this is clearly a very difficult time for you, and very personal. But on the other hand you have posted for support, so I suppose I shouldn't think those things. My issue not yours.

I really think you need to talk to him. Do you know how long he is expected to live? That is a quetsion for you, not to answer publically, if you don't want to. But to really think about how long you have left to talk to him and get your thoughts together.

You can sit and wonder what he wants to tell you, or you can talk to him and find out for sure. I know which I'd rather do. But I'm an upfront person, I can't stand 'what if's', or uncertainty. You WILL do what's right for you, but please, don't have any regrets.

I'm thinking of you :Hug_emoticon: