Childhood My Brother (my Abuser) Is Dying. Not Sure What To Do

[Deleted member 12723]

I found out that my abusive father died after the fact and I have no regrets at all for not going there to help out my half brother. I talked to him on the phone and told him he was entitled to all of my dads possesions as far as I went. I am so relieved he is finally dead. That is what worked for me.

It would have caused regrets if I had gone up to my half brothers house who I do not have contact with at all. Never did as I disconnected from my dad so many years ago.

I say trust your gut instincts. If you do not want to have regrets for seeing him please take this into consideration. You have a right to this choice not to go.

 

[Experience]

I think I've decided not to visit before he dies, but I'd really like to see him buried. The issue being I'm going to be around a bunch of extended family members who will try to comfort me without knowing what happened. They'll (understandably) be saying all the wrong things. But I know seeing him lowered into the ground will bring closure.

I think I'll go and just block out the extended family.

Also, I appreciate the helpful comments, but I assure you he's so delusional and out of it he will not care if I see him or not, and he's too mentally handicapped to understand the concept of what happened, let alone forgiveness.

 

[Flossy]

It's good that you were able to sort through your thoughts and come to the best conclusion for you.

You sound as though you know what you need. It might also help bring closure to how you feel about your extended family.

Best wishes.

 

[The Albatross]

Okay so how are you?

 

[BassBuster]

My brother molested me my whole childhood. He's got a horribly painful condition right now, and he has mental retard...

I can relate. And for me personally I've already lost my parents when I was 25 yesrs old they passed just 9 months apart now I'm 46 and my brother didn't have the same conditions as yours does. Mine was as normal as normal can be. But I have forgave him and my other brother for all the wrongs they have done to me. I forgave for me not for them. And they have done horrible things through out the years. But they are all I have left and I know for me personally if I didn't and something happened I'd never be able to forgive myself. The fact he had the issues would also make it on a different level for me. And I don't know your story but from what I just read I think I'd have more of a problem with whom ever was supposed to be your protector than I would your brother. With his mental illness he may not have known better. Whom ever was your protector should have been more observant and had a idea at least that this could happen. I had a cousin with schizophrenia and my aunt and uncle had put him in a home so these kinds of things didn't happen to his sister and brother. Yes what he did was wrong and it hurt you. But your protectors are more at fault in my opinion. Like someone else said will you regret not seeing him if you don't ?? Good luck hope everything works out for you