S
Somanylikeme
this will be a long thread,but I need to get support from people that are going through the same thing as me.
I have been browsing for a few weeks and everything people post is what I'm going through. My wife and I have been married for almost 5years and 3 months. My wife Suffers from PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, ADD, Dozen of Allergies, Asthma, IBS and Kertaoconus(eye condition). My wife works as a teachers aid full time in a Elementary school. My wife sees a Social Worker and Psychologist regularly.
When we were dating I saw red Flags, but blew them off. She would cancel dates because she was not feeling well and telling me she took bunch of medicines every day. I told her I would marry her unless she told me she could not have kids. She assured me she could have atleast one kid, but would be like a year after we got married because she need to get off some meds and reduce some doses so the child would not have birth defects. Over time she opened up and told me about her past and her different disorders.
So we got married and for the first 3 months or so everything seemed normal except she was overly sexual. Me being a guy could almost not handle how horny she was. After the first 3 months or so that's when things went down hill fast. For the 3y7m we lived together( yes I did say we are still married after 5y 3m and I will explain later) sex become almost non existent. Not having sex at times for 10 1/2 months, 6 1/2 months and 3months and when we had sex regularly it was only once a month. I started looking at porn and going to clubs because I felt sexually frustrated and not loved. I had thoughts for having sex with other women, but every time I wanted to I felt bad and stopped myself. She could not drive because her eye condition so I picked her up from work, took her to all her appointments and did all the food shopping. When she was in the car she had to have her window down if it was 25f or 90f because she said she was allergic to my car. After work on free days when we got home she would get on her Ipad for 4 hours a night and ignore me. I would sit in the living room staring at the wall feeling not loved thinking why did I marry this women I married a wife not a roommate. I had to vaccum, clean the apartment and clean the bathroom because the Vaccum and cleaners bothered her allergies. I also took care of all bills because she never paid them on time. She would only cook dinner, put away groceries and make Grocery list. I was so frustrated because I never had time for myself.
After being married for about 6 months my wife went to the physiatric hospital 24 hours a day for a month and then 5 days a week to outpatient therapy for a month. A week after the hell started again. Same as above, but even worse. Not hanging up her clothes after doing laundry and always feeling sick. I started screaming at my wife in frustration. I would scream sometimes for 3 hours 3x a week and not even realisze I was screaming I was so frustrated. I mostly screamed because I never had sex, never received help from her and I could never get her to spend time with me. Sometimes the screaming started minutes after I picked her up from work. Sometimes because my screaming she would go to her safe place her bed and have a PTSD attack and start shaking in a comma like state.She would always blame why we did not have sex or why she did not spend time with me on my screaming. " who wants to spend time with you when you Scream" "Women are different then guys they need to feel a connection with there husband before they can have sex". I would always ask my wife "Do you love me?" Because it was so hard to get her to spend time with me and also because at times she looked so depressed. I would ask so much she would ask me to stop asking. My screaming caused my wife to jump out of the car in traffic at read lights and leave for a few weekends, but always came back.
So after being married to about 3 years 7 months my wife told me one day she needed a break from this marriage. After the first two weeks she moved 60% of her stuff out. The rest is still here. Right away I found a Social Worker for myself. My wife did not talk to me for a month and then called me after a month and said she would like to make this marriage work. We started seeing a marriage counselor and we went on dates, but 17 months later she has still not moved back. We still see each other when we go to consuling and we still share bank accounts.
Rewind 4 months ago my wife went to the hospital for 3 days about 4 months ago and then for a day 3 months ago because she wanted to commit suicide. Then for 5 weeks she went to out patient therapy 5 days a week that ended a few weeks ago. She did not talk to me the whole time she was in therapy. She would talk to our sister in law and her "online friends" all over the US on chat groups. She said her "online friends" understand how it is to have tromma in their lives and I don't. She also talk to her mother. She finally did call me and asked if I wanted to go back to marriage consuling and I said yes. We have not gone in 3 months. We went last week and she said the reason she did not contact me during the therapy was because she felt so bad that she could not support me the way I wanted to support me. We both agreed that we have been separated to long and My wife said she wants to give consuling another month and make a decision.
I did make a personally commitment after last weeks marriage consuling session that I want to learn as much about PTSD as possible and for the next month do what ever I can to try to save this marriage.
I have been browsing for a few weeks and everything people post is what I'm going through. My wife and I have been married for almost 5years and 3 months. My wife Suffers from PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, ADD, Dozen of Allergies, Asthma, IBS and Kertaoconus(eye condition). My wife works as a teachers aid full time in a Elementary school. My wife sees a Social Worker and Psychologist regularly.
When we were dating I saw red Flags, but blew them off. She would cancel dates because she was not feeling well and telling me she took bunch of medicines every day. I told her I would marry her unless she told me she could not have kids. She assured me she could have atleast one kid, but would be like a year after we got married because she need to get off some meds and reduce some doses so the child would not have birth defects. Over time she opened up and told me about her past and her different disorders.
So we got married and for the first 3 months or so everything seemed normal except she was overly sexual. Me being a guy could almost not handle how horny she was. After the first 3 months or so that's when things went down hill fast. For the 3y7m we lived together( yes I did say we are still married after 5y 3m and I will explain later) sex become almost non existent. Not having sex at times for 10 1/2 months, 6 1/2 months and 3months and when we had sex regularly it was only once a month. I started looking at porn and going to clubs because I felt sexually frustrated and not loved. I had thoughts for having sex with other women, but every time I wanted to I felt bad and stopped myself. She could not drive because her eye condition so I picked her up from work, took her to all her appointments and did all the food shopping. When she was in the car she had to have her window down if it was 25f or 90f because she said she was allergic to my car. After work on free days when we got home she would get on her Ipad for 4 hours a night and ignore me. I would sit in the living room staring at the wall feeling not loved thinking why did I marry this women I married a wife not a roommate. I had to vaccum, clean the apartment and clean the bathroom because the Vaccum and cleaners bothered her allergies. I also took care of all bills because she never paid them on time. She would only cook dinner, put away groceries and make Grocery list. I was so frustrated because I never had time for myself.
After being married for about 6 months my wife went to the physiatric hospital 24 hours a day for a month and then 5 days a week to outpatient therapy for a month. A week after the hell started again. Same as above, but even worse. Not hanging up her clothes after doing laundry and always feeling sick. I started screaming at my wife in frustration. I would scream sometimes for 3 hours 3x a week and not even realisze I was screaming I was so frustrated. I mostly screamed because I never had sex, never received help from her and I could never get her to spend time with me. Sometimes the screaming started minutes after I picked her up from work. Sometimes because my screaming she would go to her safe place her bed and have a PTSD attack and start shaking in a comma like state.She would always blame why we did not have sex or why she did not spend time with me on my screaming. " who wants to spend time with you when you Scream" "Women are different then guys they need to feel a connection with there husband before they can have sex". I would always ask my wife "Do you love me?" Because it was so hard to get her to spend time with me and also because at times she looked so depressed. I would ask so much she would ask me to stop asking. My screaming caused my wife to jump out of the car in traffic at read lights and leave for a few weekends, but always came back.
So after being married to about 3 years 7 months my wife told me one day she needed a break from this marriage. After the first two weeks she moved 60% of her stuff out. The rest is still here. Right away I found a Social Worker for myself. My wife did not talk to me for a month and then called me after a month and said she would like to make this marriage work. We started seeing a marriage counselor and we went on dates, but 17 months later she has still not moved back. We still see each other when we go to consuling and we still share bank accounts.
Rewind 4 months ago my wife went to the hospital for 3 days about 4 months ago and then for a day 3 months ago because she wanted to commit suicide. Then for 5 weeks she went to out patient therapy 5 days a week that ended a few weeks ago. She did not talk to me the whole time she was in therapy. She would talk to our sister in law and her "online friends" all over the US on chat groups. She said her "online friends" understand how it is to have tromma in their lives and I don't. She also talk to her mother. She finally did call me and asked if I wanted to go back to marriage consuling and I said yes. We have not gone in 3 months. We went last week and she said the reason she did not contact me during the therapy was because she felt so bad that she could not support me the way I wanted to support me. We both agreed that we have been separated to long and My wife said she wants to give consuling another month and make a decision.
I did make a personally commitment after last weeks marriage consuling session that I want to learn as much about PTSD as possible and for the next month do what ever I can to try to save this marriage.
