Childhood My dad

[Rumors]

My dad told me I was his biggest mistake and he wished I had never been born... <<sigh>> feeling extremely worthless today...

 

[LuckiLee]

Oh da*n. That's mean as h*ll. I'm so sorry he made you feel like that. It's a reflection of him. Not you. You're a good person and didn't deserve that. Sending hugs your way! XO

 

[Wendell_R]

That's a rough thing to hear, and a rough thing to remember. I wish you all the healing in the world!! Imagining a quiet, safe place for you. A cup of tea, with those who care for you sitting next to you.

 

[shimmerz]

You didn't happen to mention that it seems like such a coincidence because you felt the same way about him? Out of all the father's in the world that you got stuck with an asswipe like him for a father? Seriously, what is wrong with these people?

 

[Rumors]

I'm middle aged and you would think I could shrug it off but there is just something about hearing your dad say those words that makes you feel pretty awful. As his health fails, I will be the one that is tasked caring for him which makes me want to vomit.
Thank you for the support.

 

[TTC18]

I'm middle aged and you would think I could shrug it off ...

Why would anyone think you could shrug off something so hurtful? My parents didn't want me either - and told me so - and those were the most hurtful things they said, I think. I'm middle-aged too, and, yep - 'I never wanted you' is one of the worst things to hear, even though I split when I was 18 and never heard it again. Are you located somewhere that it's a law that you'll have to care for him, or is this family pressure talking? Because - if there's no law, I'd tell whoever 'tasks' you with caring for him to take a long walk off a short pier.

 

[Rumors]

Why would anyone think you could shrug off something so hurtful? Are you located somewhere that it's a law that you'll have to care for him, or is this family pressure talking? Because - if there's no law, I'd tell whoever 'tasks' you with caring for him to take a long walk off a short pier.

No, I don't have to do anything but I promised my mom before she died that I would. Things change though. There are nursing homes and I don't have to go... my logical mind tells me he is very ill minded and that I should ignore him.... however my little self just wants to cry... ?

 

[TTC18]

No, I don't have to do anything but I promised my mom before she died that I would. Things change though. There are nursing homes and I don't have to go... my logical mind tells me he is very ill minded and that I should ignore him.... however my little self just wants to cry... ?

Things do change - and a loving mom wouldn't want you to be hurting yourself to keep a promise to her. If I asked one of my kids on my deathbed to promise to do something - without realizing how much it would hurt them - I wouldn't want them to keep the promise.
Also - I roll my eyes at myself all the time, but - seeing this I just feel so sad for your little self. It's so hard to ignore hurtful and hateful words. I don't know if that's a realistic expectation to have of yourself. I know I wouldn't be able to do it - I'd be a wreck after a single day!

 

[Abstract]

Hi. I'm so sorry.
I have no idea what your mothers parenting was like but will say that I think promises made or initiated from an unhealthy base do not count. It sounds like your father was abusive so your mother making you promise to look after him in these circumstances with that as your history is very suspect. I hope you forgive me saying it as I don't know your family backstory when it comes to this stuff. A healthy mother child relationship would be able to see what would be protective for the child and and would not ask that child to do something potentially damaging to them. Promises made under emotional duress also dont count in my book. You have a right to protect yourself and you have a right to be loved and cherished by her parents, a right everyone shares.

Im truly sorry your father said that. Its a shame we can't divorce the person from the role they have in our lives isnt it. A role some people arent capable of filling.

 

[Rumors]

Hi. I'm so sorry.
I have no idea what your mothers parenting was like but will say that I think promises made or initiated from an unhealthy base do not count. It sounds like your father was abusive so your mother making you promise to look after him in these circumstances with that as your history is very suspect. I hope you forgive me saying it as I don't know your family backstory when it comes to this stuff. A healthy mother child relationship would be able to see what would be protective for the child and and would not ask that child to do something potentially damaging to them. Promises made under emotional duress also dont count in my book. You have a right to protect yourself and you have a right to be loved and cherished by her parents, a right everyone shares.

Im truly sorry your father said that. Its a shame we can't divorce the person from the role they have in our lives isnt it. A role some people arent capable of filling.

My mom was kind but also very ill. She suffered from depression and my dad was a desperate alcoholic, wife and kid beater. He was hateful sober and hateful drunk. She kept him at bay mostly but we didn't grow up knowing a loving affectionate dad and our mom was pretty needy emotionally so we never wanted to rock her boat either. I vacillate between sad and mad and am really quite ready to let him go and let him be someone else's problem. But...then there is a side of me that doesn't want him to die alone and not have anyone. Ugh....

 

[Abstract]

Urgh indeed. It is a terrible dilemma you face. All I will say is that your mother may have been well meaning but that doesnt have to be the final say when it comes to this. Please forgive me saying it but someone asking something on their death beds doesnt make something right. It also doesnt make it wrong. Whatever you do do it with the power of your own choice and educated understanding and I think you will have peace with that. If this isnt something you can do there will be alternatives. They may not be as convenient for your father but taking both of your well being into account they may still be the right choice. Alternatively if you decide differently then that is all good and your choice, again.

 

[Rumors]

Urgh indeed. It is a terrible dilemma you face. All I will say is that your mother may have been well meaning but that doesnt have to be the final say when it comes to this. Please forgive me saying it but someone asking something on their death beds doesnt make something right. It also doesnt make it wrong. Whatever you do do it with the power of your own choice and educated understanding and I think you will have peace with that. If this isnt something you can do there will be alternatives. They may not be as convenient for your father but taking both of your well being into account they may still be the right choice. Alternatively if you decide differently then that is all good and your choice, again.

I know she would t advise me not to care for him under the circumstances. It's the childlike side of me that believes I should so that he will love me. That makes me want to vomit. Lol. I have lived my whole entire life to make my parents happy. I married who they wanted me to marry, my career is focused in the family business, I have done it all for them. It makes me wonder what I could have been if I hadn't lived every moment for them...