Loyal to him
New Here
July 4, 2012
Dear PTSD,
I didn't know much about you in the fall of 2008, didn't hear the rumors or the horror stories; you were more of an unspoken evil that was frowned upon. I knew when my fiancé came home from war he'd be different, a deployment would change him, a death of his friend would change him, but that was ok because we loved each other and I was going to be standing by his side and there to support him.
He would have his moments of remembering his fallen friend's death anniversary and those days were hard for him. Memories and nightmares of being deployed, but I was there to stand beside him and help him get through it. We were doing well; he seemed to be doing well also. One night all of a sudden, yes PTSD I'm talking to you, you reared up, sleeping dormant for a few years, and his true feelings about his friend's death came out. He wished he was dead and could trade places. That night I had to hide all the weapons in the house and I didn't sleep at all, checking on him all night to make sure he didn't leave or find the weapons I had hidden. Still didn't know what you really were PTSD, didn't understand yet.
This wasn't enough for you yet, we got engaged and were very happy, the happiest day of our lives, we were planning our future together and it was amazing. We loved each other, been through so much together and our relationship had only grown stronger, we felt invincible. Then PTSD, you decided to make it where he couldn't fight against you anymore. He had been protecting me from you for so long, I had no idea who you were or what you were capable.
After Christmas and the first of the year you decided to break my fiancé down where he couldn't fight you off anymore. You broke his heart and his spirit. You forced him to shut off his emotions, stop caring about himself or anyone else. He hates himself, isn't capable of loving. You forced him to drink more to cope with your nightmares. You made him paranoid that he was back overseas; his head is there because of you. You forced him to push everyone away. PTSD your effects weren't only on him, you tried to make me give up on him, question my trust and love in him, you made me confused, hurt, at my lowest you made me want to die because I didn't understand the terror you had created on my fiancé. I didn't realize what he was going through was your doing, not how he really felt and not what he really wanted. Yes PTSD you tried to get me to stop loving him, but guess what I have your number now PTSD!! I now realize what your game is and what you are trying to do to my fiancé, myself, and our families. It's not going to work; I will not give up this fight to you! You tried to not only kill him, but you tried to make me doubt our love for each other and the strength of our relationship. You made me believe that this was my fault and that I'm an awful person and I don't deserve to be alive anymore. You have tortured my fiancé, made him a shell of himself, he's cold inside, he feels empty and shut off, he only wants his space, and I can't do something as simple as hug him to make him feel better. He wants no touch or human contact, you've made him not trust anyone, you've made his thoughts all over the place and not rational. PTSD you have gone do far as to make him wish he was dead. And now you've tricked him into believing that he doesn't need help, at least not yet.
PTSD I will not give up this fight!! I will not stop loving him because you are having fun wrecking havoc on the love of my life! I will not give up on him, on our relationship, on our future together! I will keep learning about you and your dirty tricks you play! I will be there, standing with my hand out stretched to my fiancé to help pull him out of your awful grasps!! I will not go away!! My fiancé and I will beat you, we will defeat you, and our relationship will grow stronger!! You might have your infected claws in him right now, but I will not give up this fight, I will help him pull every last claw that you have stuck in his body and mind out!!
PTSD please take this as a declaration of war, from a girl that loves her fiancé more than you can imagine and has more fight in her than you know. You might have won this battle, but you will not win the war! I will help him free himself from your enslavement. This is my declaration of war on you PTSD!
Dear PTSD,
I didn't know much about you in the fall of 2008, didn't hear the rumors or the horror stories; you were more of an unspoken evil that was frowned upon. I knew when my fiancé came home from war he'd be different, a deployment would change him, a death of his friend would change him, but that was ok because we loved each other and I was going to be standing by his side and there to support him.
He would have his moments of remembering his fallen friend's death anniversary and those days were hard for him. Memories and nightmares of being deployed, but I was there to stand beside him and help him get through it. We were doing well; he seemed to be doing well also. One night all of a sudden, yes PTSD I'm talking to you, you reared up, sleeping dormant for a few years, and his true feelings about his friend's death came out. He wished he was dead and could trade places. That night I had to hide all the weapons in the house and I didn't sleep at all, checking on him all night to make sure he didn't leave or find the weapons I had hidden. Still didn't know what you really were PTSD, didn't understand yet.
This wasn't enough for you yet, we got engaged and were very happy, the happiest day of our lives, we were planning our future together and it was amazing. We loved each other, been through so much together and our relationship had only grown stronger, we felt invincible. Then PTSD, you decided to make it where he couldn't fight against you anymore. He had been protecting me from you for so long, I had no idea who you were or what you were capable.
After Christmas and the first of the year you decided to break my fiancé down where he couldn't fight you off anymore. You broke his heart and his spirit. You forced him to shut off his emotions, stop caring about himself or anyone else. He hates himself, isn't capable of loving. You forced him to drink more to cope with your nightmares. You made him paranoid that he was back overseas; his head is there because of you. You forced him to push everyone away. PTSD your effects weren't only on him, you tried to make me give up on him, question my trust and love in him, you made me confused, hurt, at my lowest you made me want to die because I didn't understand the terror you had created on my fiancé. I didn't realize what he was going through was your doing, not how he really felt and not what he really wanted. Yes PTSD you tried to get me to stop loving him, but guess what I have your number now PTSD!! I now realize what your game is and what you are trying to do to my fiancé, myself, and our families. It's not going to work; I will not give up this fight to you! You tried to not only kill him, but you tried to make me doubt our love for each other and the strength of our relationship. You made me believe that this was my fault and that I'm an awful person and I don't deserve to be alive anymore. You have tortured my fiancé, made him a shell of himself, he's cold inside, he feels empty and shut off, he only wants his space, and I can't do something as simple as hug him to make him feel better. He wants no touch or human contact, you've made him not trust anyone, you've made his thoughts all over the place and not rational. PTSD you have gone do far as to make him wish he was dead. And now you've tricked him into believing that he doesn't need help, at least not yet.
PTSD I will not give up this fight!! I will not stop loving him because you are having fun wrecking havoc on the love of my life! I will not give up on him, on our relationship, on our future together! I will keep learning about you and your dirty tricks you play! I will be there, standing with my hand out stretched to my fiancé to help pull him out of your awful grasps!! I will not go away!! My fiancé and I will beat you, we will defeat you, and our relationship will grow stronger!! You might have your infected claws in him right now, but I will not give up this fight, I will help him pull every last claw that you have stuck in his body and mind out!!
PTSD please take this as a declaration of war, from a girl that loves her fiancé more than you can imagine and has more fight in her than you know. You might have won this battle, but you will not win the war! I will help him free himself from your enslavement. This is my declaration of war on you PTSD!
