My Diary

[bob27]

The first traumatic experience I can recall happened when I was 12. After being the unpopular loner at school for 5 years or so I finally lose my shit and fracture some random kid's skull on the concrete floor of the school when he wouldn't stop making fun of me. That's when the shitball started rolling. Even as I type this now I get a picture in my mind of the kid lying there on the ground with blood starting to flow out of his head and everyone yelling and shouting and me just sitting there shaking.

Apparently that kid who I will call jon, was a huge dick that nobody liked and now I was mister popular, people wanted to be my friend. I was invited to parties. I resisted it all at first. I was always different then everyone else. I was way too nice. People thought I was weird because I wanted to read books all of the time and I had thick glasses. So when all of this attention came at me I didn't know what to do. So I just rolled with it. I started sneaking out at night to hang out with the cool kids. I started to like being "cool". Then I see some random classmate on the street about to get jumped by two high schoolers after I had gotten out of detention. The area I was in meant that there was nobody around at all once school let out. I had to do something so I jumped on the taller one and starting shouting for the classmate to get away. I get my shit knocked in by them and I go home with a bloody nose and a black eye. A week after a souped up BMW pulled up next to me after I decided to hang out after school and was walking home. The back window rolls down and a deep voice says "get in".

When you're in the wrong part of town and a car like that pulls up to you, you do whatever they say. I get in and there's the kid from before. Apparently his cousin had heard that I got my ass beat for someone I didn't even know and thought that I was crazy. We go back to his place and there's drugs and guns on a table. He tells me to sit down and cuts me a line of coke. He says "You want a hit?" I say no. He and a few others beat me up some, then he asks again. So I do some. I think that's all I want to type for now

 

[bob27]

I'm in school. Someone has been going around school spreading rumors that I was gay or a coward or both because I don't want to fight him. I have no problems with him and say that to him. He finds me at my locker one day and flashes a knife at me saying that he was going to gut my brother like a fish and then me if I didn't fight him. I get scared. I ask someone I know for a gun. I get it in a brown lunch sack a few days later. I find out that he is going to a huge party. I meet him there. I grab a beer for me and him and we go somewhere secluded. I tell him that if he really wants a fight he'll get one and then he pulls up the hem of his shirt. Time slows down and in the low light I see the butt of a gun. I see that he is going for it and I draw on him. Two flashes of light ring out from my and. He is down and breathing wetly. I run. I run and run and run. I don't stop running until I get in my ride and go home. For the next few weeks I feel 100% certain that the police are going to pull up to my door. I read in the news paper that the kid had a deactivated gun that he stole from his grandparent and that there were no witnesses and no leads.

From there my life went downhill. It became a blur of hard drugs, fast cars, and guns. I would go days without coming home or sleeping because I was tweaked out on coke and speed or acid or other things. After taking PCP I wake up in a forest with no shirt on and no recollection of about 2 or 3 days. I start sleepwalking. I wake up in my closet. Sometimes the bathroom. Sometimes outside. Once my dad found me sleeping next to a car. My school attendance and grades go down. My mom doesn't really notice because she often comes home after I was supposed to be asleep. Little does she or my dad know that I've been sneaking out of my window or door.

 

[bob27]

I'm in school age 15. It's the middle of the school year. I have tried joining the football team. They think because of my size that I am a big tough lug. They do not know of my past and my ways of change. So, friction erupts from my lack of toughness. They forget that I lost over 30 pounds in 2 months after joining. That whatever they did, I would do until I collapsed. And then got up and kept going. So I join the track team. It is fun. I make friends. But one guy from the football team, he had a bone to pick with me. Why? I have no idea. We are all goofing off in the locker room after practice. We're doing this stupid game of tapping someone's lips. I go along with it because it's hilarious. But I accidentally hit the football dude too hard. I'm start to say "My bad bro I didn't mean to it you- CRACK He hits me with a right hook to the mouth that splits open the corner of my mouth. I tuck my head in and time slows down. I look at him. He tackles me. I grab him by the throat and start choking him while trying to hammerfist him at the same time. They realize that he is choking and that I am trying to break his face. They pull us apart. Too late. Now my lip is pouring blood everywhere and all I can think is, what just happened? The next day, he has a bruised neck, a busted lip, and a black eye. The beast was reawakened and it was happy.