My Domestic Abuse = Disgust Towards Military

[Mogwai]

Hey guys,

This is my first thread and I think it's mainly a question...but I'll include a TRIGGER WARNING!!! Just in case.

I was abused in many ways that the average mind wouldn't even conjure, and not a single movie to date has documented my suffering, that being said, I do not choose to go into detail. But it was a domestic violence situation and he physically, emotionally/verbally, and sexually abused me.

He was in no way connected toward the military... but it's been 2 years and I have this overwhelming hatred towards people who would volunteer themselves into the military. I think it's because I think that most of the young adults don't even know what's going to happen to them when they get back and it's not adequately explained.

Also, it upsets me that someone with a family would even consider the thought of sacrificing themselves, let alone come home with these thoughts in their head...It also upsets me because some of my friends from high school ( 9/11 happened when I was a senior) went into the service and came home only to be killed in a car accident.

One of my friends came home and went crazy with a shotgun. THIS I can understand! I went from homicidal to suicidal on a daily basis. I know what it's like to be in combat even though I've never been in Iraq. I have had a gun held to my head and I have had to fight for my life.

I've since completely forgiven my abuser and have no contact with him at all. Life is AMAZING and my flashbacks and nightmares are dwindling quickly.... but I still carry this hatred toward the military. I value your opinion. Please just say what you feel.

 

[ms spock]

Hello Mogwai and Welcome to the Forum.

I don't understand the connection between your PTSD and the military? I am not quite sure what you asking.

 

[Privateer]

Are you asking why you hate the people who make your entire way of life possible because someone who wasn't one of those people abused you? If you are, I have no idea.

 

[safenow]

I know what it's like to be in combat even though I've never been in Iraq. I have had a gun held to my head and I have had to fight for my life.

I can so relate. When you live this way, it can be compared to a war.

But around here, I for one, respect the military men and women. because of them we have freedoms that could be taken away at any minute by those who hate Americans. PTSD can hit anyone at any time.

I hope you are working with a good therapist to help you calm down. You have not explained why "I still carry this hatred toward the military." What has the military got to do with your being beat by your ex?

Anyway, Welcome to the PTSD forum. There is a lot of good information to be gleaned here, as well as good, kind, caring people who either have PTSD or are supporting those who have it.

 

[ms spock]

Are you asking why you hate the people who make your entire way of life possible because someone who wasn't one of those people abused you? If you are, I have no idea.

I am asking that. But more so I am asking if you are a military offspring or not like myself?

 

[Mogwai]

Thank you,... all of you. And no, I have no military background whatsoever, except that my Grandfather was a doctor and worked in the military. But no, I have no reason to hate them...which is why I'm confused. "safeNow" seems to understand the connection....

 

[safenow]

"safeNow" seems to understand the connection....

Not really. The only thing I do understand is what it's like to have a gun pointed at your head, and have the hell beat out of you, pistol whipped, raped, sodomized, tortured, and be shot. I suffer from multiple traumas in my life. I put the blame where it belongs. On those who did it.

I too was treated cruelly, by a husband (now ex-husband - since passed) that was a sexual sadist, who molested his own children from his first marriage, and enjoyed causing pain on others. It took me years to get away from him and be safe, and I still have aftershocks from what he had done to me. I have had many therapists who help me on dealing with my traumas.

I saw the twin towers go down myself (on television), and it bothered me as well. However, I don't hate the military for that. They are not the ones who did it. Unless you want to call terrorists military. I'd rather call them hate mongers. I am all to familiar with sick individuals who want to harm, kill, or torture other human beings. I don't understand them, nor do I want to. I believe they are very very evil people.

Why don't we start over again, Mogwai. Do you have a good therapist? One who deals with trauma? One who can help you process your trauma so you can learn some coping skills? That would be a very good step for you. I recommend you take some good cleansing breathes, then start over again.

Welcome to the forum. You will find many of us have multiple traumas. The only thing that is confusing us is how the "military" comes into play.

 

[Privateer]

I am asking that. But more so I am asking if you are a military offspring or not like myself?

My question was directed at the original poster, actually.

Just for info, though, I'm not 'military offspring', I'm ex-military.

 

[ms spock]

Sorry Privateer,

I got confused.[DOUBLEPOST=1360896251][/DOUBLEPOST]So Mogwai do you think it could be because your experienced violence and the military engages in violence that you have negative feelings towards them?

 

[Abstract]

I think its good that you are willing to investigate why you feel this way and it seems to me that you are almost hoping others can help you break it down in some way.

I can certainly see the connection to violence but what I am struggling to understand more is

I think it's because ...most of the young adults don't even know what's going to happen to them when they get back and it's not adequately explained.

This makes sense to me but I would have thought that instead of hatred you would feel concern and compassion. Thats not a judgement and rather just an observation.

I could understand if the hatred was aimed at the concept of war or military as a related symbol. Just not sure I understand the direct feeling for people in it.

went into the service and came home only to be killed in a car accident.

Doesn't this really prove that anything in life can be "bad" or dangerous. He was fine in the military and then came home and was killed in a car accident. His death is entirely not related to the military and people die and are injured in accidents all the time. And get PTSD from them.

 

[Core]

I think it's because I think that most of the young adults don't even know what's going to happen to them when they get back and it's not adequately explained.

Also, it upsets me that someone with a family would even consider the thought of sacrificing themselves, let alone come home with these thoughts in their head...It also upsets me because some of my friends from high school ( 9/11 happened when I was a senior) went into the service and came home only to be killed in a car accident.

One of my friends came home and went crazy with a shotgun. THIS I can understand! I went from homicidal to suicidal on a daily basis.

I think you need to sort out your thoughts and emotions.

You feel hatred towards the millitary, because people sacrifice themselves without knowing how it may affect them in the future. It is okay and quite sensible to feel that people should be informed on how they might be severly traumatized and how that might feel - I don't know how it is in the US, or wherever you live, but if there's no proper information given about this, I understand you feeling that it's disgusting. This is, however, no reason to hate the millitary as a whole - hate the fact that it is this way, and wish for change.

The part about your friends going in to the millitary, then coming home and being killed is also part of why you feel the way you do. You have to recognize that though this happened shortly after they came home, the millitary is obciously not responsible for them dying. The car accident is responsible. It's sensible if you're sad that they spent so much time away, and then died so soon after that; I understand that you'd wish to spend time with them before they were gone, and that this upsets you. Again, hate the fact, grieve, but don't direct blame and anger towards the millitary. It doesn't make sense, and it isn't helpful.

You also say that you understand the homicidal part. Now, I'm sorry if this is wrong of me, but you wanted to kill the person who abused you, not everybody else, right? There's a difference. If somebody goes crazy with a shotgun, murdering or wanting to murder several random people, this is not in any way sensible or half-way justified (though I do understand that these thoughts and feelings come from a disturbed mind). However, wanting to hurt or kill somebody who repeatedly harms you in every way possible, is understandale and natural.

I may be wrong, but this is how it seems to me.

 

[Mogwai]

You have all made good points. I have a fantastic therapist and I have not had flashbacks or nightmares for quite some time. This is just one of those things that's nagging at me. I haven't thought to bring it up because I thought I could talk to you guys candidly about it.

And yes, Core, I only wanted to kill him. But a perfect example is the whole "Chris Kyle" shooting. I know that he was trying to help someone with PTSD, and the guy shot him. But yet when they talk about Chris and his "many lethal sniper shots"... it's the same thing!!! Hundreds of people attended his funeral because he was a murderer, but at the same time, they want to lock up a fellow officer that committed a civil murder? They were both mind f*cked by the system!

I think my hatred is more towards the government for "manipulating" us as a society into thinking that it's "ok" to kill another human being as long as they're not an American. And I was manipulated a lot... so I guess I'm answering my own question.

Oh, and privateer, innocent people are dying.... but they're not Americans so I guess that's why we don't cry for them. I don't want to be upset with our troops, but a lot of my friends have used the military as a last resort: mainly because of finances and/or college. Also, I forgot to mention, after my abuse I had a boyfriend who had just gotten home from a tour in Iraq. We shared the same symptoms and in the end we couldn't function together because we were both so rattled all the time. And hearing his stories and witnessing flashbacks... we just made each other worse.