Dom Violence My Family Doesn't Believe Me

[Gadgie]

I lost my family, my two daughters and my sister, but not through PTSD, it was due the divorce, after I met my new partner?

That was over twenty years ago, and since then my sister and I have got back in touch again, which was great.

But I'm afraid to say my two daughters never did want to get back in touch, so I'm afraid they never will now?

 

[amymarie]

Hi Amy-
I am glad you are here and KNOW what happened to you! It does not really matter if you ge...

I think you are totally right. It's really hard because the people who do not believe me are the people I have relied on for support my whole life. It's such a huge loss to not be able to process this with them. It's a way bigger blow than the original abuse even.

 

[amymarie]

Welcome to the forum @amymarie I'm so glad you've found the validation you so badly...

Me too! Thanks so much for your support!

 

[Pakadlangitok]

You said " It's a way bigger blow than the original abuse even" WOW. That is so true. To have no one believe you is like a slap on the other cheek.

 

[amymarie]

I'm so miserable physically too. It's really getting to me. I'm on vacation and I keep waking up vomiting acid through my nose - I've never had reflux and indigestion so badly before. I can't sit up in the bed in the rental because I get horrible back pain. I'm at a lovely house at the beach and I just wish I were home right now. Some members of my family are coming tomorrow and I think that must be part of why I feel so sick. My sister in law who is coming asked me if it would be okay to reach out to my ex/abuser because her ten year old son said he misses him. It kind of feels like someone inviting my rapist to a family tea or something (he never raped me). I feel like my whole family got wiped out by a tsunami or something. And like all the memories that I have with them that are good are just false. At least I am free now. They have been extremely harsh critics all my life. At least I can stop trying to justify myself to them all the time now. Thanks so much for all of the support.

 

[Surviveandthrive]

I'm so miserable physically too. It's really getting to me. I'm on vacation and I keep waking up vomit...

I see you said that your ex's son keeps asking about you. If you were with a predator, a narcissist, a batterer...whatever label they have, I hope you know that they are never above using their own child as bait to seduce you back into their control. They often turn their children (mutual or from prior relationship) into what's called "flying monkeys" (as in Wizard of Oz) who are puppets whose strings the abuser pulls to do their bidding. The child is bait. Please don't take it. On another note, I found that counseling and support group were probably the best thing I could do for myself. We often overwhelm people with our need for validation, and that's why we need people who understand what we have been through, and several of them, as in support group, so we can get enough positive to balance out all the negative. We didn't get this way overnight, most of us, and we can't expect to heal overnight or without a proper support network. Hope this helps a bit.

 

[shimmerz]

For about 6mo I carried around my X-rays trying to "prove" to people that I didn't do a prat-fall, but was strangled -fractured hyoid bone- and had my skull fractured from my head being smashed against the floor repeatedly... and people still didn't believe me. They wanted there to be another reason. They needed there to be another reason, to keep believing what they wanted to believe. Snort.

Double Snort. I am just coming to incorporate this into my life after 20 years of hell. Perhaps much longer. I haven't gotten all the way home with this yet. I hope it doesn't take nearly so long for you. I wasted a looooong time with belief systems that were faulty and this was and continues to be, a big one.

I just wanted to mention that dissociation can play a role in this as well. MY denial came from my very real and unbeknownst to me, ability to dissociate. I recall talking with a friend years ago and talking about issues with the father of my children. I recall her saying to me that I had spoken to her about many of the same issues arising - which I had NO recollection of somehow. That was my dissociation playing out.

I still do it. SunSeeker, who knows me best on this forum, catches me all the time. 'Don't you remember when????/......' lol. Nope.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD by two therapists since my marriage ended, and I am having trouble believing it.

It's hard enough for others to believe this stuff but when even we don't buy into it ourselves it becomes a really nasty ball of gooey crap. I say trust your therapist(s). They don't wear the same coloured glasses that you do. Easier said than done.... I know, but I was a real break through when I was open to being 'un-brainwashed' and stopping the minimization that occurs with abusive situations.