Hi Jib,
I just want to say that it's obvious that you are in a lot of pain, regardless of whether you have PTSD or not. It's important that you be able to share that pain and be validated. Even if you don't HAVE PTSD, you still have pain and it's pain that many of us can relate to. i.e.
I feel like I'm not "good enough" to have PTSD, like, when I was in the hospital I heard some real horror stories. The people weren't exaggerating. They were just being honest. Instantly it's like I'll compare my suffering, and then feel like it's insulting to people who've been brutally raped or tortured or things like that, to say I have a condition that they have.
As time goes on, I'm admitting more of my own suffering and I'm admitting that I am in a lot of pain, and have been for a very long time, and that what other people go through shouldn't be a point of reference for my own problems. I invalidate my suffering because I compare it with other people's, probably out of habit, because growing up I heard "stop being such a crybaby," "you make life a living hell for us," "you're so annoying," "you're such a pest" -- even some early psychologists I went to would invalidate my problems, and that happened a lot, actually (unfortunately it seems like that's a lot more common than finding a professional who actually listens to you and validates what you're saying -- I think it's more common that they ignore you and try to tell you what you're feeling instead of letting you tell them how you feel)
My T tells me thta I frequently invalidate myself, saying that my traumas weren't as bad as so and so's or "It really isn't that big of a deal".
He says I am constantly minimizing which is a form of denial.
The reality is....it doesn't matter if your traumas seem less serious or horrific than someone else's. Your traumas affected you negatively. I mean look at C-PTSD, many times there is not a specific trauma that caused it. It can be caused by long term verbal abuse or an atmosphere of unacceptance of an individual by their parents while growing up. That makes it pretty hard to identify what is causing the pain, right?
I still fight my diagnosis of PTSD.....I don't have all of the symptoms i.e hypervigilance and the startle response only shows up when I am highly stressed, it isn't constant. So does that mean my dr. is wrong? I don't know. All I do know is that I suffer from a lot of pain. I over react to certain situations and can go into a complete tail spin sometimes. That means I need to figure out why, what the truth is as far as what happened to me and how it affects my reactions to present situations.
You are welcome here Jib PTSD or not. You need a place to vent, be validated and be supported. That being said it will only be a help if you want to get well. Many people use their diagnosis as an excuse for their own wrong actions and reactions. This forum is not about that, it is a place to heal and learn how to be healthy. Keep talking, be open to changing yourself so that you can become a healthy person, living a fulfilled life!
