I don't think you sound bitter at all...! Actually, you are pretty clear on what your needs are right now, and the trick is to find someone who can fulfill that.
Thanks. I'm taking the positives from this situation. He helped me get even clearer about what I do want and need.
Many years ago, like 10 years ago I was in that same place. I met a guy who I swear just landed in my lap at the right time. It was all the fun stuff of having a boyfriend without the relationship. He took me out on dates..everything from dinners and movies to nights in, met his friends and family, I could talk to him, we had many nights of just curling up and cuddling together...but we had no romantic relationship at all.
I had a friend like this a couple of years ago, but he turned all weird...like, really really weird and bordering on sadistic. He'd say random things to me like "I want to tie you up and punch you in the face...I like abusing women." Then when I'd bring it up weeks later he'd have no memory recollection of saying it. :/
Initially though this was what we had and it suited me fine. I'd come over, he'd make us some food, we'd watch a movie, cuddle up and maybe have sex, or maybe not. It was great...until he turned all weird. He was a real meathead though.
That lasted for about a year and a half, and it was so perfect...much of it because, we both had clear boundaries, neither of us decided to "change the game" with love and feelings...so we were able to have a fantastic time together without any of the drama. And we made a pact, that if he or I met someone we did want to pursue a relationship with, that we would be upfront and let each other know and out of respect for the potential relationship, stop spending that kind of time together. And that we did...
That sounds great. I'd definitely want to do this and have clear boundaries sounds really good. I was speaking to a friend about this just yesterday actually. We don't really have that arrangement at the moment, but it's something I wouldn't mind with him. He is very wary of becoming too attached though and the oxytocin bond that forms when people have sex. He isn't ready for intimacy and has issues with it.
We've gotten together a couple of times in the last 6 months, but it's not a regular arrangement. He's very respectful though. Just yesterday he would not accept my invitation to snuggle as he admitted he was very frisky and just wanted his own selfish self gratification, and he knew I was not needing that and just needed hugs, so he didn't come over. At least he was honest and made it known though. He respects me enough to tell me and went home to have a cold shower instead. How many guys do that?
To this day, we are still really good friends...I would say one of my best friends even. Though he doesn't know I have PTSD, he has never given me issue when I drop off the face of the earth...but without fail, at least every 2 or 3 months he will drop a note just to say he's thinking of me and ask me out for a beach day with him and his girlfriend. She is ridiculously cool as well.
Sounds lovely! I'd love someone to drop me a note to say they are thinking of me.
So coming from what you are saying, and the experience I had with this guy...I'm feeling like that is the sort of arrangement you are looking for, a relationship without the emotional ties, a booty call with respect for you as a person...a nice lil in-between. To be fair, I don't think that is the easiest thing to find...but I know for a fact that does exist.
At the moment, yes, this is what I am wanting, whilst still working on myself to be able to get to a place where I feel healed enough and have released enough baggage that I will not be going into the next relationship with tonnes of work still to do on myself. It's the reason I dropped out of relationships alltogether in the first place...to work on myself and heal.
Not with this guy that you've been talking about though LOL I can say right off the bat, from what you describe, he's far too selfish and not nearly respectful enough to be able to be the man for the job.
Noooooooo...he's proven himself to be most unworthy.
